Elliot: Uh, the fellowship's great.
Elliot: [v.o.] Oh, God, Carla, please don't tell them I'm working at a free clinic.
Carla: [v.o.] I sense she doesn't want me to tell them. Women have an unspoken connection men can't even fathom.
J.D.: [v.o.] Dude, I know you can't look because Carla's here, but you're missing a crazy Victoria's Secret commercial.
Turk: [v.o.] I'm watching Gisele in my spoon right now.

Turk: You know, you two could solve both of your problems if you moved in together.
Elliot: Whoa, whoa, whoa and whoa!
J.D.: Hold your horses!
Elliot: We have a very complicated past.
J.D.: Yeah, I hurt her, and I'm not proud.
J.D.: [v.o.] I'm a little proud.
Elliot: We've managed to restore our friendship by staying away from dangerous topics.
J.D.: You know, relationships, things of that nature.
Elliot: J.D. and I keep it superficial.
J.D.: Love the superficial. Dynamite teeth today.
Elliot: Oh, thanks, buddy!
J.D.: Sparkly!

J.D.: [v.o.] Since there were 12 surgical residents at Sacred Heart fighting for four attending spots, Turk was ass-kissing the senior staff.
Dr. Wen: Oh, damn, I left my briefcase upstairs.
Turk: Excuse me a second.
J.D.: [v.o.] Turk thought he was the only one who heard that.
[outside the hospital:]
Turk: Dr. Wen! Dr. Wen! I've got your brief-
J.D.: [v.o.] He was not.
[fantasy: Turk and Todd team up to fight a gang of surgeons as "Kung Fu Fighting" plays]

Turk: Dude, look at you. Thirty years old, all growed up.
J.D.: Oh, really, Turk? Because the Sacred Heart sign I vandalized last night begs to differ.

J.D.: Hey, remember when we were in college and we made lists of all the stuff we wanted to do by the time we turned 30?
Turk: Yeah.
J.D.: Check it.
Turk: "Things to do by 30: Get married, buy a house, learn difference between senator and congressman." Dude, you haven't done any of these yet.
J.D.: I know. But who cares? I got all the time in the world. I mean, I'm only turning 30.
Girl: Thirty? No one's 30.
J.D.: Where did all these unsupervised children come from?

Turk: Dude, you haven't done anything on this list. How have you never slept naked on a hammock?
J.D.: I'm afraid of dragonflies.

J.D.: You know, I'm not gonna make a big deal out of this. Neither one of us has made any headway with our lists.
Turk: First of all, don't lump me in with you 'cause I'm a surgeon, I'm married, I've had sex while playing Frogger, and I'm gonna be a dad. I'm through my list.
J.D.: I've done nothing. I mean, I have learned another language, but it was just that one where you put a "b" sound in the middle of every word. And I was never fluent.
Turk: That secret language was so lame.
J.D.: Nobba with the ladie-bb-ys!

Jake: Elliot, I don't think I understand what you want.
Elliot: I just want you to open up, you know, emotionally, spiritually.
Jake: Well, I'm not exactly religious, you know, but I do think that God watches after my family and, well, my favorite sports teams. Oh, and once in tenth grade, He made Jennifer Martin sleep with me.

Carla: Why are you so pissy?
J.D.: Carla, at 6:41 tomorrow evening, I turn 30. I have to find one thing on this list I can do by then.
Dr. Cox: Maybe you can swing by our parts department and pick up a pair of testes.
J.D.: Haven't you used that joke, like, a trillion times?
Dr. Cox: I'm OK with it.

Carla: "Invent a cereal"? "Complete a triathlon"?
Dr. Cox: There's a triathlon tomorrow. Thing One and Thing Two have been training for it.
Doug: We're working on our drafting technique.
Dr. Cox: If your goal is to repel all women on the planet, it's definitely working.
Ted: Ignoring him. And switch.