J.D.: Why is everybody wearing wetsuits?
Doug: This water's like 49 degrees, dumdum.
Ted: So, what's your best time, buster?
J.D.: Honestly, Ted, it doesn't really matter, as long as I finish by 6:41 tonight.

Carla: Turk. Turk, where are you going?
Turk: Baby, I can't do this. I don't believe in this hypnotism crap. I only needed to impress Kelso.
Carla: Oh, great, so you lied to me.
Turk: I'm about to ruin my career by plunging a knife into a completely conscious person. But you know what, you're absolutely right, let's focus on the lying.

J.D.: Talking about Jake violates the most important tenets of our relationship. One, keep discussion superficial. And two, no talking while my boys are straddling chrome. That one's new.
Elliot: Why don't you try a higher gear?
J.D.: It's like pedaling in hummus!
Elliot: See ya, buddy!

Turk: This is great. I'm being assisted by a magician.
Carla: The only way to get through this is to believe it's gonna work.
Turk: Yeah.
Carla: Ow!
Turk: That was just a fingernail, honey! How would you like it if I cut out your appendix?
Carla: Let's forget for one second that hypnosis is used to lower bleeding, aid recovery, or help patients deal with pain. You are married now. So start believing what I tell you to believe. And don't pinch me!

J.D.: [v.o.] During the eight-mile run, dehydration set in.
Ted: Hang in there, buddy!
Doug: See you at the luau!
J.D.: They already finished and cooked a pig?

Elliot: Hey, J.D.
J.D.: You're real. Although the dolphin costume's a little odd.
Elliot: This Jake thing is still really bothering me.
J.D.: Elliot, you know our rules.
Elliot: Yeah, I've been thinking about that. Who wants to have a superficial friendship? I mean, God, do you remember how close we used to be? You know, dealing with Dr. Cox, dealing with our screwed-up families, talking about everything? I miss that.
J.D.: This is working.
Elliot: Not for me. I wanna be able to tell you that my boyfriend really freaked me out.
J.D.: Well, if he freaked you out, why don't you go talk to him?
Elliot: I don't know! You tell me.
J.D.: All right, fine, Elliot. You wanna know why? You're just like me. You're scared because you feel you haven't accomplished anything. Instead of running a triathlon, you're pushing forward with a guy you don't belong with. And you know as well as I do, one of these days he's gonna open up a bottle of white wine for you when you really prefer red, except you never told him that. And you want to know why? It's because he's not right for you, Elliot. Are you happy now?
Elliot: You're pretty smart for a guy running in bike shoes.

Turk: You can do this. You can do this.
Hypnotist: [whispering]
Turk: What are you saying to her?
Hypnotist: "You can do this. You can do this."
Turk: Small world. Scalpel. Making first incision. Well, here goes. Hmm? All right! [chuckles] Clamp, please!

Hypnotist: You can do this.
Turk: Oh-b no-b.
Woman: [screams]
Hypnotist: You can do this! You can do this! You can do this! You can do this!
[On the other side of the O.R. window, Dr. Cox laughs]

Turk: What the hell was I thinking?
Carla: No, you did great, baby.
Dr. Kelso: She's right, Turkleton. Hell, without anesthesia, you made it halfway through a surgery. I bet you could publish that.
Dr. Cox: Maybe they'll put it in Almost Magazine.
Dr. Kelso: You know, it wouldn't hurt you to make some noise around here.
Dr. Cox: How's this? Blow it out your ass, Bob.
Carla: See? My baby made some noise.
Turk: Yeah, I made some noise, all right.

Elliot: J.D., what you said before, I knew you were right. Anyway, I'm sorry I got mad.
J.D.: [babbles incoherently]
Elliot: Thanks. You were wrong about one thing, though. We are moving forward.
J.D.: Elliot, I'm 30 years old, I'm single, I'm homeless and I'm pretty sure I just soiled myself.
Elliot: Why don't you just move into my place?
J.D.: Oh, great, then we'll be two losers under one roof.
Elliot: By my watch, you've got eight minutes to finish this thing. Come on.