J.D.: [v.o.] I felt bad about hooking up with Danni. But luckily no one knew.
J.D.: You want any water? Well, do you guys?
Carla: Bambi. We know you were in there with Danni. We heard you say her name.
J.D.: Oh, no, no. I was I was in there with my buddy Danny, from the gym.
Turk: But we heard you say "Take it all, Danni!"
J.D.: He's a really good buddy.

Janitor: My cousin is a bank teller, and he gave me one of those exploding ink cartridges they put in stolen money so I could figure out who's been disconnecting the emergency exits.
Dr. Kelso: Nice work.

Carla: Bambi, when you broke up with Danni, you said it was the happiest day of your life.
J.D.: No, that was only because Barney Miller came out on DVD.
Turk: And WoJo's commentary on it? Priceless.

J.D.: Look, maybe Danni's not the love of my life, all right? But she's she's beautiful, and she quirky, and she's very sweet.
Danni: Man, I get so gassy after having sex. Oh, by the way, some skank named Barbara called, and I told her to back off.
J.D.: Barbara's my mom.

J.D.: [v.o.] In a big hospital, you can hide from almost anything. Except your conscience.
Jordan: Hello.
Dr. Cox: Oh, hey. Hey, Jordan. You know what's weird?
Jordan: Tell me.
Dr. Cox: We're so close, and yet if anybody asks if we're married, all either one of us can say is is no.
Jordan: Actually, I say we were married for five years then got divorced, now we're back living together, have a child, but we're in a long-term, committed relationship.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, that's what I say, too. That or no.
Jordan: Oh, Mr. Mid-life. We both know what this is about. And you should just go ahead and enjoy your crush. Because, honestly, I don't care. I don't.

J.D.: What, you don't enjoy hanging out with me, do you?
Danni: Not really. I'm more into tough guys, you know?
J.D.: Last night in bed, I knocked you unconscious!
Danni: For like five seconds.
J.D.: So I guess this is over.
Danni: Why?
J.D.: So, you'd rather hang out with someone you don't even like than be alone?
Danni: Yeah, pretty much.
J.D.: Yeah, me too.

Carla & Turk: [judgmental muttering]
Dr. Cox: Oh, don't even start, Tarla, or Curk, or whatever you're calling this little two-headed judgmental freak-show. Why don't I do a little piece for you I like to call Your First Year of Marriage: "I do." Oh, kiss, kiss, kiss. "Why can't we have a baby?" "Why you spending so much money on clothes?" "Why you sleeping with my sister?" "Why can't I hang out with my peeps?" [imitates explosion]
Turk: Baby, I would never sleep with your sister. She's hideous.
Carla: And I would never have a crush on someone else.

J.D.: How could you do this to me?
Elliot: Do what?
J.D.: Oh, I don't know. Come over my house, sleep with me, and then dump me the minute Sean shows up so I feel like a complete loser.
Elliot: Oh, you seem real crushed. I mean, you jumped into bed with Danni so quick you didn't have time to change the sheets.
J.D.: You know I only have one set.

Janitor: Don't look at me like that. This is your fault, anyway. You two made me dream again.
Turk: Hey, we weren't the ones who caved in to Kelso.
Janitor: I do not owe you an explanation for that.
Carla: You're right, you don't owe us an explanation.
Turk: Lay some truth on him, baby.
Carla: You owe one to yourself.
Turk: Ouch.
Carla: Now, I'm gonna let my husband-to-be tell you what life's really all about, because he has more of this than any man I know.
Turk: Archie comics?
Carla: No, the other thing.
Turk: Oh, that's right integrity.

J.D.: [v.o.] I was so mad at Elliot I couldn't sleep last night. Also, Danni snores like a gutted wild boar. But mostly it was the Elliot thing.