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My Choosiest Choice of All

‘My Choosiest Choice of All’

Season 3, Episode 19 - Aired April 20, 2004

As Turk and Carla get closer to their wedding, they start acting like one of those couples who knows everything about relationships. After sleeping with Elliot just before Sean returned, J.D. jumps back into bed with Danni (Tara Reid). Meanwhile, the Janitor becomes a security guard at the hospital.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: I do not have a crush.
Carla: What is this?
Dr. Cox: That is a form allowing Mr. Stockton's band to come visit him so that Dr. Miller will be happy that I did a nice thing for her. [pathetic whimper]
Carla: Turk, he wants to be with Dr. Miller because he thinks it'll make him what?
Turk: Happy.
Carla: Exactly. But he's really only happy when he's?
Turk: Miserable.
Carla: Right! So why does he really want to be with Dr. Miller?
Turk: 'cause she got big-ass boobies.
Carla: No, no, no. Because he likes being miserable.
Dr. Cox: If I actually enjoyed being miserable, then why wouldn't I stay here talking to you two? [whistles]

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Quote from J.D.

Turk: Morning.
Carla: What's up with him?
Turk: He slept with Elliot last night.
Carla: Is it that time of year again?
Turk: Dude, ignore her. That's three years in a row who's feeling you?
J.D.: You be.

Quote from J.D.

Irv: I'm sorry, sir. But there's no parking allowed at the emergency curb. But I'd be happy to park your car for you, and run the keys up to you in a jiff.
Man: Yeah. Except this is my only set? And I'm afraid you might eat them. Okay? See ya, tubs.
Irv: I've been trying like the dickens to cut down on my snacking, but it's just so...
J.D.: Bup-bup-bup. You look great, Irv.
J.D.: [v.o.] Irv didn't look great, but I didn't have time to talk.

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: Danni!?
J.D.: [v.o.] When you run into someone you used to date, either you find them totally annoying or enough time has passed that you've idealized everything about them.
Danni: Hey, J.D.
J.D.: [v.o.] "Hey, J.D."

Quote from J.D.

J.D.: [v.o.] And there she was. My lady.
J.D.: Hey, Elliot.
Elliot: J.D., I can't talk right now.
J.D.: Should we just hold each other?
Sean: Sorry. Sorry, I couldn't find a parking spot. Hey, J.D. What's up?
J.D.: What's up?
[fantasy: J.D. is wearing a Viking helmet and using a bull-horn:]
J.D.: Attention, Sacred Heart! Everyone please gather 'round. Doctors, nurses, patients, hear ye, hear ye. Everyone should know that last night, Elliot Reid and I made passionate love for a good hour and a half. Check that! A great hour and a half. When I hit it, I hit it good! That is all!
[reality, J.D. is silent so Elliot and Sean walk away:]
Carla: Aww, Bambi freeze up again?
Turk: It's not our problem, honey.

Quote from J.D.

[As Elliot and Sean kiss:]
J.D.: You've got something on your face.
Sean: What?
J.D.: [v.o.] The love of my life.
J.D.: You got it.

Quote from J.D.

Elliot: Listen, J.D. Last night was really important to me.
J.D.: I know. I mean, you don't want to be rusty at sex before you throw down with your real boyfriend, do ya?
Elliot: Look, you and I have been down this road before and we both know where it ends. I'm sorry. I just I really want to make this work with Sean. So, please don't say anything to him?
J.D.: Okay? I totally understand. You know, Danni and I are getting back together, too.
J.D.: [v.o.] We are?
Elliot: Danni? Danni, Danni, Danni. What was her last name?
J.D.: [v.o.] Damn! I should know this.
Elliot: [gasps] Blonde hair!
J.D.: Yes. Raspy voice.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Miller: Oh, yeah. That incision's healing up nicely.
Jeff: Thanks again, Dr. Miller. I'm gonna have my band write a song about you.
Dr. Miller: Well, I'm glad I struck a chord. [laughs]
Dr. Cox: Yeah, listen: While you were proving once and for all that pretty girls do not in fact need to be funny, I went ahead and took a look at your little rock star's chart.
Dr. Miller: Oh, did you?
Dr. Cox: Yes, I did. And his urine output is dropping, so you should probably start him on Lasix.
Dr. Miller: You amuse me. So even though he's post-op and still technically my patient, I'm gonna pretend to consider your opinion before I walk away and do whatever I want. Hmm. No!

Quote from Carla

Carla: Look, if you're really into security, Irv's position just opened up.
Janitor: What happened to Irv?
[flashback to Irv smothering the man who was rude to him:]
Man: Tubs?
Irv: Who's tubby now!?!?!
Nurse: Stop him!
[As Carla and Turk tackle Irv, she injects him with a sedative to take him down]
[present:]
Carla: He had to be let go.

Quote from Jordan

Dr. Cox: Quick question: Will my son ever stop crying?
Jordan: You know what's so sweet? This morning, Jack called her "Da-Da".
Dr. Cox: I'm- I'm- I'm sorry. Look, there's a new doctor at the hospital, and she is such a relentless chore that every time she's harping at me, I actually see your face.
Jordan: I love that you think about me at work.
Dr. Cox: Honestly, Jordan, I have never despised anyone more.
Jordan: Oh, my God. You have a crush on her.
Dr. Cox: Who said who to what now?
Jordan: It is so typical. We have an amazing son, we're totally getting along for a change but that's too boring for you. It's too nice! So you have to go and blow the whole thing up, don't you? Well, bravo, Perry. Oh, fantastic.
Dr. Cox: [to the heavens] Now, I know you say you love us all equally. But you don't, do ya. I'm onto you, Big Man.

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