‘His Story IV’
Season 6, Episode 7 - Aired February 1, 2007
When Dr. Kelso checks in on his one patient of the day, he bonds with the young man, Private Brian Dancer (guest star Michael Weston), who suffered a head injury in Iraq. As the hospital is split by a heated debate on the merits of the war, Dr. Kelso needs to find a way to reunite the staff. [Narrated by Dr. Kelso]
Quote from J.D.
Elliot: Well, J.D., the war?
J.D.: I don't have time for this, Elliot. I have to find an apartment. [to Turk] If you get the chance, read The Boondocks. Man, that little kid hates honkeys!
Turk: Ha ha! Who doesn't?!
Quote from Ted
Nurse Roberts: Ted, what do you think?
Ted: I think both sides have valid points.
Dr. Cox: Oh, way to take a stance, Sweat Balls.
Quote from Turk
Dr. Cox: Would you like to see something else that's really neat? Check out today's quote written on your cup.
Elliot: "I enjoy laughing at poor people. Elliot Reid, April 2006." When I said that, I was watching Good Times.
Turk: Well, that's gonna be on every Jumbo Cup for a month, courtesy of my anti-war peeps. Can I get a hell yeah?
Crowd: Hell yeah!
Ted: Oh, yeah.
Quote from Elliot
Elliot: Typical lame liberal tactic, taking something out of context in order to defame someone's integrity. Am I right my pro-war amigos? Holla.
Crowd: Yeah!
Ted: Oh, yeah.
Quote from Janitor
Janitor: Gosh, there seems to be a lot of high-volume, over-enthusiastic opinion sharing going on today. I think I'll join in. [incoherent mumbling] Employee discount!
Ted: Oh, yeah!
Quote from Nurse Roberts
Turk: Okay, I've seen enough.
Dr. Cox: Right behind you.
[As Dr. Cox and Turk try to leave the coffee house, they crash into the swing doors, pouring their drinks down themselves.]
Elliot: Huh. Consider that a little gift from Nurse Roberts' nephew, Corporal Roberts.
[Nurse Roberts opens one of the doors she's sat behind]
Nurse Roberts: Hell, yeah!
Quote from Dr. Kelso
Dr. Kelso: [v.o.] Okay, Janice, I'm going to need you to make sure Mr. Jeffers gets his meds, and FYI, don't lean over him, he's handsy. And, Bernice, could you do me a major large and cover Jessica's shift this weekend?
Jessica: I have to have a pap smear.
Dr. Kelso: Have you seen Georgina lately? She looks like she's been eating for two...
Bernice: Oh, stop it!
Dr. Kelso: You stop it.
Dr. Cox: Oh, Nurse Kelso, ooh, purple is not your color. Listen, could you go down to housekeeping and maybe send up some fresh scrubs for me and... Psst, come here. Please put on a bra. You're distracting some of the other doctors.
Dr. Kelso: [v.o.] Let him joke. You look spiffy and you're doing great.
Janice: Why did he tell me to give meds to Mr. Jeffers? I did that five minutes ago.
Nurse Roberts: Girl, just humor him. He'll be outta here, eventually.
Quote from Dr. Kelso
Dr. Kelso: All right, listen up gang. I'm only going to say this once.
Dr. Kelso: [v.o.] All right, Bob, time to bring it home.
Dr. Kelso: From this point on, there will be no more employee discounts here. Everyone pays full price. Except for me, of course. Where's my Jumbo latte?
Dr. Cox: You mind telling us why?
Dr. Kelso: Why the hell not?
Dr. Kelso: [v.o.] That out to do it.
Quote from Dr. Kelso
J.D.: [v.o.] In life, it seems we all have a role to play. Some of us are meant to be loved and some of us, unfortunately, are meant to be hated.
Dr. Kelso: Good night, minions, Slugathor.
J.D.: [v.o.] For Dr. Kelso, he wouldn't have it any other way.
Dr. Kelso: [sings to himself]