Ron Swanson: You wanted to see me?
Leslie Knope: I think the Pawnee Chapter of the IOW has made a little mistake.
Ron Swanson: [mimes cleaning his ear] Really? You're saying a women's organization made a mistake?
Leslie Knope: I was as surprised as you were. But the fact is, they only give that award to women.
Ron Swanson: Hmm. Well, it definitely said Ron Swanson in the letter.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, but it also mentioned my camp project.
Ron Swanson: Ah, yes. Camp Xena.
Leslie Knope: Athena. Camp Athena. You don't even know the name.
Ron Swanson: I almost got it. I was pretty close.
Leslie Knope: No.

Ron Swanson: Look, Leslie, your job, which you're great at, is making me look good. Which you've clearly done well because I'm getting an award. Right?
Leslie Knope: Yeah.
Ron Swanson: Be proud of yourself. You deserve an award. Not this one, obviously, this one belongs to me, but some other one. Some other lesser award. And if the shoe were on the other foot and you won the award, I would've congratulated you.
Leslie Knope: [mumbles] Congratulations, Ron.
Ron Swanson: What's that?
Leslie Knope: You heard me.

Leslie Knope: Hey, you wanted to see me?
Ron Swanson: Yes, yes. Just hang on one second. I'm doing my official portrait for the IUD Awards Dinner Program.
Leslie Knope: IOW.
[aside to camera:]
Ron Swanson: No, this portrait is not official in any way. I'm paying for it myself.

Tom: Ladies! Jay-Z. Rihanna. Audrina Patridge. Jon Gosselin. Lady Gaga. Snooki.
Jerry: Are these real people?
Tom: Cash Warren and Dennis Rodman. These are just a few of the celebrities that wish they could invest in Pawnee's hottest club. But they can't. And you can. For the small price of only one, one, one, thousand, thousand, thousand dollars, dollars, dollars! The only question is, who's gonna be my partner? Mark, I'm talking to you! Donna, I'm talking to you! Jerry! I'm talking to you! Mark! I'm talking to you!

Andy: I feel really good about this.
April: Really?
Andy: It screams Andy Dwyer.
April: And I live nearby. So, we could, like, carpool to work or something.
Andy: Are you serious?
April: Yeah.
Andy: The scream just got louder.
Realtor: So, what do you think?
Andy: I don't know. Make me an offer.

Tom: Okay. First come, first served. Who's in? Jerry?
Jerry: Jeez, Tom, if I spend any more than 25 bucks, I gotta ask my wife.
Tom: Jerry, get out.

Tom: [hillbilly accent] "Mark? What are we doing tonight?" "I don't know, Ann. We could do the usual boring stuff like eat some chicken salad with some crackers, or watch the pay-per-view, or we could go to my nightclub and do some dancing."
Mark: I don't think so, man.
Tom: You'd never have to beg for sex again.
Mark: I don't wanna get into this, really, but I don't beg for sex now.

Elise Yarktin: Hi, I'm Elise Yarktin, I'm with the IOW.
Ron Swanson: I'm Woman of the Year, Ron Swanson.
Elise Yarktin: Yes, I know. We are very excited to be presenting you with the Smythe Award.
Ron Swanson: That's what I called you to talk about. I don't know if I can take all of the excitement. So, I think the award should go to Miss Knope, here.
Leslie Knope: Hello.
Ron Swanson: She's the one who really deserves it. Camp Athena was her idea. She did all the work. You made a mistake.
Elise Yarktin: We didn't make a mistake. We made a very conscious decision this year to choose a man.
Leslie Knope: Why?
Elise Yarktin: Well, every year, we give it to a woman, and, frankly, nobody cares. Yeah, the media has all but written us off as a niche interest group. But if you give a women's award to a mustachioed, masculine man, such as yourself, well, then, eventually, people take notice.
Ron Swanson: I don't want the damn thing.
Elise Yarktin: Well, we're giving it to you. So, you're gonna take it, like a man. So congratulations.

Ron Swanson: Work on the speech. Let's nail these women. You know what I mean.

Elise Yarktin: He's the Director of the Pawnee Parks and Recreation Department. He is also the recipient of this year's Dorothy Everton Smythe Female Empowerment Award. Please put your hands together for Mr. Ron Swanson. [applause]
Ron Swanson: Thank you. Thank you. Every award, from the smallest trophy to the Nobel Prize, is nothing more than... Is nothing more than a great way to honor someone. So, I would like to present this year's Dottie English Whatever Award to the person who actually deserves it, Leslie Knope. Come on up here, Leslie.
Leslie Knope: Thank you. I don't know what to say. Honestly, I'm just very honored to work for someone as insightful and kind as my boss. So, I would like to present this year's Dorothy Everton Smythe Award to Ron Swanson.
Ron Swanson: I don't want it. Just take the damn thing.
Leslie Knope: You deserve it.
Ron Swanson: No, no. Really.
Leslie Knope: No, Ron, you deserve it.
Ron Swanson: Really, but I don't want it.
Leslie Knope: But you won it. And you should win it. You should take it.
Ron Swanson: After that whole conversation...
Leslie Knope: I'm being ridiculous.
Elise Yarktin: Could someone please just take it?
Leslie Knope: Okay, I'll take it. Who do I speak to about getting this changed?
Woman: [o.s.] Get off the stage!