Crazy Ira: Final round, Leslie, boobs or ass?
Leslie Knope: Hard to believe this is a fan game for your radio listeners. Ah... I'm gonna say butt.
Crazy Ira: [ding sounds] Yes! You are correct. This is my mom's dumper! [farting sound] Oh, mommy!
Leslie Knope: I don't know how you got yours hand on that.
The Douche: I took it.
Leslie Knope: Good. Well, it is been so fun bro-ing out with my dogs. I never knew that objectifying women could be so much fun.
The Douche: We're running out of time here so just a quick reminder to write-in "Welcome to Douche nation!" as the official town slogan at pawneecity.gov.
Leslie Knope: Or you know what would also be kind of dope for the people of Douche Nation to do? It's vote for another slogan. Like, you know, "Storied past, bright future"? But...I don't care. I don't give a fart, bros. You know, just do your thing, chicken wing. [electronic clucking]

The Douche: Hey, Crazy Ira, have you seen my stick?
Crazy Ira: Where's your stick?
The Douche: I don't know. Lesbo Baggins, you know where my stick is?
Leslie Knope: You--
The Douche: Oh! Found my stick.
Crazy Ira: Oh, where did you find it?
Both: Up Leslie Knope's butt! [fog horn blows]
Male Voice: Yo, where my stick up?
Female Voice: It's up her butt, papi. [farting noise]
Crazy Ira: Jewish Greg, whatever we're paying you, it's not enough. [boing, belching]

Leslie Knope: Damn it, I almost pulled that off.
Ben: No, you really didn't. Just delete the poll. Let the slogan thing go.
Leslie Knope: Or, maybe we sneak back in there-- you distract those guys for, like, 30, 90 minutes, I get on live radio, I give an impassioned speech about what slogan I want to endorse and I play a few songs, which I always wanted to do, and then we just see what happens. No. I should just let this go. Okay.

Leslie Knope: So, Tom told you are sort of like a computer expert.
Harris: Uh...yeah. You can say that.
Leslie Knope: These jerks are trying to hijack my online poll, and so far the leading town slogan is, "Home of the stick up Leslie Knope's butt."
Harris: [snickering] Yeah, yeah. I voted for that one.
Leslie Knope: Great. I'm wondering, is there a way I can communicate with everybody who voted?
Harris: Yeah, I can do that. Should take about two minutes. Just PayPal me some bitcoins when you get a chance.
Leslie Knope: What?

Donna: So, this is way under your budget. Used to be a donut shop. Well, a tire shop that sold donuts.
Tom: Pretty rough. I mean, I guess I could fix the roof and tear up the counters. Do something about the smell.
April: This place is creepy. I mean, I love it, because it reminds me of the cafeteria in a haunted nursing home, but... that's just me.

Leslie Knope: You wanted to see me?
Ben: Yeah, real quick. Remember when you said you would close up shop on the slogan thing?
Leslie Knope: Yes.
Ben: You did do that, right? You didn't somehow get the email addresses for every person who voted for the "Stick up the butt" slogan and then write each of them a personalized heartfelt email telling them to do the right thing and vote for a real slogan?
Leslie Knope: Are you crazy? What a crazy talk you just did with your funny words.
Ben: Well, someone wrote those emails. And we got about 300 complaints and as a cherry on top some hackers got really mad about the invasion of privacy and attacked the website. Look what they did to Peebo. He's wearing a hat made of penises.
Leslie Knope: [sighs] Oh, boy.

Ben: But that's the whole point of moving up the ladder, you get to think bigger, swim in a bigger pond. You're having a public forum on the slogan, right? Use it as a test. Hand the reins to someone else, let them handle things while you manage from a distance.
Leslie Knope: Yeah. That's a good idea. I guess I should practice... delegating. Ugh! Okay. The public forum will be run by... Oh, no, I would not have started the sentence if I knew Larry was the only one here.
Ben: Babe, if you can step back and let Larry take control, you can survive anything.
Leslie Knope: All right. Larry, can you get in here?
Jerry: I would love to. Gosh darn it. I-I somehow ran my belt through a slat in this chair so I'm kind of--I'm kind of stuck to it now.
Leslie Knope: Great.

April: I didn't want Tom to leave, so I said all these bad things about the restaurant, so he wouldn't like them.
Donna: Damn, we should have coordinated. I don't want to lose that weird little elf either. That's why I showed him all those crappy places.
April: Oh, I thought you were just bad at your job.

Chance Frelmn: I think the slogan should be "Pawnee, home of crackers, the orangest goldfish in Indiana."
Jerry: Okey-dokey.
Leslie Knope: No.
Jerry: Let me write it down.
Herman Lerpiss: Who even needs a slogan?
Jerry: Well, now, that is an interesting point.
Herman Lerpiss: No, that's my slogan idea. "Who even needs a slogan?" And then a big picture of me flipping everybody off.
The Douche: Let's keep our eye on the ball here, Douche nation, "Home of the stick up Leslie Knope's butt." Butt stick!
All: Butt stick! Butt stick!

Leslie Knope: Honestly, there's something else I'm worried about. The kind of work that I've been doing all these years, the nuts and bolts, the grunt work, that's the stuff I know how to do. What if I take this national parks jobs and I just...fail?
Ben: Hm.
Leslie Knope: What if I'm not good at it?
Ben: Yeah. Leslie, I love you, very much. But this is the stupidest thing you've ever said. You'd be amazing. And everyone's gonna be in awe of how amazing you are, so just shut your month. [laughs]
Man: Hey, are we leaving or entering? We've been driving around in circles.
Leslie Knope: You're...