Marcia Langman: I'm glad you finally came to your senses. I know that's not an easy journey for you to make.
Leslie Knope: Let's take a look at it first, shall we?
Tom: Whoa! It looks amazing!
Jerry: I had the artist paint over the Original.
Leslie Knope: Feel free to destroy it.
Marcia Langman: No!
Leslie Knope: But I think you'll find no one could possibly be offended, unless, of course, they have a problem with centaurs having modern haircuts.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: There were many kinds of Greek goddesses. Some were lovers. Some were warriors. And some were tricksters.

Donna: Nice job, Jerry.
April: You look like Enrique Iglesias.
Jerry: Just wish I had more time.
Tom: Why? This is amazing. It looks like me, and I look awesome.
Andy: Is your penis between the front arms or the back legs?
April: Yeah, where's your penis?
Tom: Damn it, Jerry!

Leslie Knope: [on the phone] Gayle, I know Jerry is your husband. Look, I can promise you there's absolutely nothing going on between us. No, no, I did not pose for that painting. But thank you for thinking I did. Okay, well, sure. Hold on.
[later:]
Tom: [on the phone] Gail, sweetheart, you have nothing to worry about. Okay? I'm not gay, neither is Jerry, and I didn't pose for him. I promise you, hon, Jerry only has eyes for you. And poundcake... am I right? [laughs]

Leslie Knope: It was never our intention to offend anyone. I guess some people object to powerful depictions of awesome ladies.
Perd Hapley: Okay. Also joining us today is a different person, pornographic film actress Brandi Maxxxx.
Brandi Maxxxx: Pleasure to be here.
Perd Hapley: Brandi, you've starred in over 200 adult films, some which are very good. When'd you get in the business?
Brandi Maxxxx: Last year.
Perd Hapley: Fantastic. Now, this painting right here, art or pornography?
Brandi Maxxxx: Perd, I think this whole debate is ridiculous. What Leslie and I do is obviously art.
Leslie Knope: Oh, hang on. Um, there's a big difference between an oil painting of a Greek myth and a pornographic movie.
Brandi Maxxxx: It's okay, Leslie. I got this one.
Leslie Knope: What?
Brandi Maxxxx: What Leslie and I want people to know is you should be able to have sex anywhere you want and show it anywhere you want, whether it's girl-on-girl action, bondage, or what have you.
Leslie Knope: Okay. Hang on. Pornography is very difficult to define. Um, in fact, it was Justice Stewart who once said, "I can't define pornography, but I know it when I see it."
Perd Hapley: Brandi, how would you define pornography?
Brandi Maxx: For me, it's when the penis goes in.

Leslie Knope: I just wanted to remind you of the art show that's happening tonight at the Community Center. It's gonna be a lot of fun.
Ben: Great. Great.
Leslie Knope: Yeah.
Ben: Well, that sounds cool. That sounds like something that'll be a big success, you know? I mean, like everything that you, uh... That you put your... your... your paws on.. your fingers.

Chris: Leslie Knope! Ben Wyatt. Ben, great news. Do you remember the woman I told you about from the County Commissioner's office?
Ben: Um, vaguely.
Chris: Sure you do. Cindy Miller. Anyway, she's agreed to go out on a date with you.
Ben: Oh, you asked her out for me?
Chris: And you're gonna love her. She is interesting, smart, and beautiful, inside and out. Inner beauty is very important. And outer beauty is also very important.
Leslie Knope: I thought you had a rule about inter-government relationships.
Chris: Oh, don't worry. Her department is completely separate from ours. This isn't anything like your affair with Tom Haverford.
Leslie Knope: We weren't... You... You...

Leslie Knope: Ugh. God, this sucks.
Ann: Oh. Why don't you just go home for the rest of the day?
Leslie Knope: I can't go home, 'cause I have this art-show opening at the Community Center. And I can't stay here because I see Ben. And I can't date Ben because of Chris' stupid rules. I feel so...
Ann: Powerless.
Leslie Knope: Yeah. I'm like that lightbulb. Weak, flickering, barely giving off any light, unable to make out with the lightbulb I want to make out with.

Ben: Hey, Tom, uh, question for you. Do you know anyone who's looking for a roommate?
Tom: How hot?
Ben: I- What?
Tom: How hot is the woman that's looking for a place to stay?
Ben: No, it's me. I'm looking.
Tom: Oh, come on, that's not fair. You shouldn't have led me to believe it was a beautiful woman.
Ben: I didn't.

Leslie Knope: Ugh. Ron, can you make the opening remarks? I- I just- I'm not in the mood.
Ron Swanson: Neither am I, ever. What's wrong with you? You live for this kind of stuff.
Leslie Knope: I don't have it in me right now. Ron, please, do it for me. Make the speech. Ron. Please. Please. Give the speech, Ron.
Ron Swanson: No.
Leslie Knope: Yes. Please. Ron.
Ron Swanson: No.
Leslie Knope: Please. Please give the speech. Please give the speech.
Ron Swanson: No, I won't.
Leslie Knope: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes...
Ron Swanson: No way.
Leslie Knope: Please. Please. Please...
Ron Swanson: No.
Leslie Knope: Yes. Yes. Yes.
Ron Swanson: All right! Damn it, woman.

Andy: And this is the TV room.
Ben: Oh, my God.
Andy: Yeah, it's a mess.
April: Could you throw that in the trash can?
Ben: I was just here, like, three weeks ago for your wedding. What happened?
April: I don't know. Burly moved out. He was the one that did all the cleaning and throwing away and stuff.
Ben: Wait, he moved out, like, a week ago. You guys made this mess in a week?
Andy: Well, I always think April's gonna clean up.
April: And I never clean up.
Andy: It's cute, right?
Ben: No.
April: Yes, it is.