April: Okay, are you still mad at me about the poodle thing? It was just a dumb game. I can pick another dog.
Donna: I'm not mad about the choice. I'm mad about your reasons. "Pretty", "makeup", is that all you know about me?
April: We don't hang out that much. It's not like you know a ton about me.
Donna: You're beautiful, yet cold and aloof. You pride yourself on being a loner. You do not obey, you choose to cooperate. And when you stop baring your fangs to pick a mate, it's for life. And you're fiercely loyal to your pack, which makes you a rare black Siberian husky.

Leslie Knope: Yesterday I said some pretty harsh things about Sweetums and their great new product. But when I looked at the research, I found some pretty compelling facts about Drink-ems that made me change my tune. Each Drink-ems is packed with 35% of your daily monopotassium phosphate requirement. MPP is an emulsifier as well as a plus-7 PH buffer. Now, I know what you're thinking, what about its molar mass? How does 136.086 grab you?

Councilman Jamm: [on TV] Councilwoman Leslie Knope wants to put fluoride, which is a chemical, into your drinking water. You know what else is a chemical? Strychnine and cyanide.
Leslie Knope: What?
Perd Hapley: [on TV] And dirt... and rust and even broken glass.
Councilman Jamm: [on TV] Exactly. You definitely understand what chemicals are, Perd. I would suggest if you want to contact the psychopath that wants to turn your kids into bad-at-math, communist fluoride zombies, well, just call the number at the bottom of your screen.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] The NFL has a campaign to try to get kids active for 60 minutes per day. And so we bused in a hundred lucky, little buggers from Pawnee. And they are gonna get a chance to play with the Colts.

Leslie Knope: Oh! Come on, Reggie! I told you to run a button hook.
Reggie Wayne: I did, Leslie.
Leslie Knope: Okay. I guess you would know.

Ron Swanson: A pleasure to see you again, Mr. Luck. We met briefly last year at our friend's bachelor party.
Andrew Luck: Oh, yeah. Right. How are you?
Ron Swanson: I normally don't answer that question, but since I respect your talent, I will tell you... I am fine.

April: Hi, I'm April. I stole your wallet.
Andrew Luck: You guys are weird.
April: Thank you.

Leslie Knope: Check it out, Tom. The Eagleton reservoir. Isn't it stunning?
Tom: It's just a big dumb pond. This morning I saw a YouTube clip of a little puppy riding a motorcycle. So my bar for "stunning" is pretty high.
Leslie Knope: What if I told you that this water has fluoride in it?
Tom: Then I would tell you the puppy had a little side car with a piggy in it named Hampton.
Leslie Knope: First of all, send me a link to that video.

Tom: It's hard doing stupid government stuff now that Rent-a-Swag's closed. I'm a businessman. That's what I was born to do.
Leslie Knope: Well, look, you just got to make the most of the job that you have. Like, take that trash collector. It's not the most glamorous job in the world, but he's doing it with a smile on his face. Oh, my God. He's not wearing any pants. What's wrong with him?
Tom: Let's get out of here.
Leslie Knope: He's smiling at us! Let's go! Run!

Leslie Knope: Okay, fluoride is safe, it is good for you, and almost every town in America uses it.
Councilman Jamm: Ah, all right. You got me. I don't want fluoride in the water because I'm a dentist, and I like cavities.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, that is not a valid reason.
Councilman Jamm: Pawnee's cavity problem is why a small-town dentist, like me, can afford such a boss ride.
[cut to the councilors and stenographer out in the car park in front of a luxury car in canary yellow:]
Councilman Jamm: Got an Asian girl to sit in it once.
Leslie Knope: Why did we come out here?