Elsa Clack: Welcome to "The Quiet Corn". I'm Elsa Clack. Breakfast is served between 5:30 and 6:15 A.M.
April: What if we sleep to a normal hour?
Elsa Clack: Well, that would be very rude of you. May I take your breakfast order? We have hardboiled eggs, homemade tomato slices with dry seed and leek jam, and your choice of German muffin.
Ron Swanson: What the [bleep] is a German muffin?

Donna: Luxury Dog Park.
Leslie Knope: Do you wanna tell us anymore?
Donna: Poodles only. No pooping.

Andy: [answers phone] Hello?
April: Andy, you have to save me. I'm camping with people I work with.
Andy: Hello, April?
April: Hello?
Andy: Walk around in circles, like I am, help triangulate the phone call.

Tom: If that's a coyote, someone needs to pick me up off the ground, now.

Tom: Leslie, just tell us your idea. NCIS: Los Angeles Season One isn't gonna watch itself.

Tom: Chocolate or butterscotch?
Ben: Uh, swirl me. Dude, camping is awesome. I love it.
Ron Swanson: Excuse me, gentlemen. How long have you been running power to this tent?
Tom: I don't know. How long have we been here?
Ron Swanson: Ten hours. [power cuts out]
Tom: No! I was Tivoing Cupcake Wars.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] I have a good feeling about this B&B. One day, there's gonna be a plaque there that reads, "This is where Leslie Knope came up with the amazing idea for..." Damn, I thought that would work.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] That was the second most awkward way a man has ever grabbed my breast.

Leslie Knope: All right, guys, everybody listen up. Just a few notes about our camping retreat tomorrow. We're all gonna meet here and leave as a group at 6:45 A.M., promptly.
Donna: Why are we doing this?
Leslie Knope: Harvest Fest is over. We do not want to have a sophomore slump. This camping trip is our chance to think of some really big ideas.
Ron Swanson: Why don't you just tell us what our next project is, and I'll go camping by myself.
Leslie Knope: Look, I have ideas, Ron, okay? I have like a hundred new ideas. But the point is, the pressure is on. We only have one chance to make a second impression.

Tom: I have a question. What if we're scaling a cliff and I start to fall? Can I grab onto your boob for support?
April: No, Tom, don't! Her boob kills!
Leslie Knope: My boob does not kill. Paul did not die. He had a heart attack which required an octuple bypass. Besides, the Pawnee Sun said that my chest saved his life.
[aside to camera: Leslie holds a tabloid newspaper with the headline "Knope Grope Is Last Hope"]