Andy: Hey, you gotta hear this hilarious story that he's telling me. Tell her what happened.
Kyle: My identity was stolen.
Andy: His identity was stolen! [laughing] Tell her about the accounts.
Kyle: They were frozen.
Andy: [laughing] Frozen.
April: Bye, Kyle.

Chris: Anne Perkins!
Ann: Chris. Hey. I heard you were back.
Chris: Yeah.
Ann: I didn't do this because of you.
Chris: Uh, well, it looks great. Yeah, you look great. Am I right? It's... So good running into you. You know, we should get together soon. I'd love to catch up.
Ann: Me too! Ketchup and mustard. Ketchup and mustard, I just was...
Chris: Oh! [laughing] That is so delightful. I relish your wit. [chuckling]
Ann: Well, I salsa... your face.

Ann: I should hate him. He broke up with me.
Leslie Knope: Well, there was an ex that I still liked after he broke up with me, but it was really hard to stay mad at him. He was an amazing dentist.

Andy: [aside to camera] It's really important to me that April loves camping, so I went ahead and set up the ultimate campsite love nest. Complete with beautiful starlight. You got champagne. Also, rose petals. As you can see, they smell terrific.

Tom: What do Jay-Z, Lil Wayne, and Drake all have in common?
Jerry: Oh, I know this one. They are all rap-pists.
Tom: Oh, my God, they're Rappers, Jerry!

Tom: What they have in common is none of them have ever performed in Pawnee. Why? Because we don't have an adequate concert venue. Until now. The Pawnee Amphitheater!
Ann: How much would that cost?
Tom: Not that much. $200, $300 million.
Ann: Right.
Leslie Knope: Great.

Leslie Knope: I'm so screwed, Ann. The meeting is tomorrow and I don't have anything.
Ann: Why not just build the park on the lot behind my house?
Leslie Knope: Chris wants the new project to generate revenue.
Ann: What about those binders in your office?
Leslie Knope: They're filled with small ideas! We need a big, juicy idea. I'm so desperate, I even brought in my "Dream Journal", hoping it would inspire me.
Ann: "I married Alf, and we're pretty happy." Sounds nice.
Leslie Knope: It was.

Leslie Knope: Ben, this new project idea, it's not really a big deal. I'm probably making too much out of it.
Ben: No, no, no. It's really big. I mean, you've got everyone's attention with the Harvest Festival, and now you're gonna seal the deal. It's the chance you've been waiting for.
Leslie Knope: Well, what if the festival was, like, a high point for me, and I never do anything better than that?
Ben: Then you wouldn't be Leslie Knope.
Leslie Knope: So I have to keep thinking about good ideas all the time, or I'm no longer myself?
Ben: No, no, no. Not at all. I... I've just honestly never met someone who works as hard as you do. I mean, you're like the energizer bunny of city government.

Chris: Hey, guys.
Ben: What are you doing here?
Chris: I was just out for my nighttime run, and I thought, "why not go visit the Parks Department?" How's everything going here?
Leslie Knope: Super great. Really well. We have a great idea.
Chris: Ooh, tell me now! While I sit on this boulder. I'm much more receptive to new ideas when my heart rate is still elevated.

Ben: Oh, good lord.
Tom: I call the bed!
Ben: Awesome.
Tom: I hate this place. This place is the exact opposite of Skymall.
Ben: Oh, listen to this. "Dear Quiet Corn, thank you for your beautiful Inn. My wife and I spent three nights of ecstasy in this room."
Both: Ugh!