Donna: Uck, I wanna go home. I miss my canopy bed.

Chris: You know, I've never moved this slowly before. It's almost like being in quicksand.
Ann: Hey, um, listen... When you dumped me, it was really embarrassing. You just kind of... took off.
Chris: Oh, I'm so sorry. I mean, I never meant to hurt you. And, well, um, I'm back now. Hey, I have a great idea. Why don't we go to this rustic diner that I know? We can have egg white omelets, and we can continue to talk about us.
Ann: Sounds good.

April: There are no TVs anywhere. This place is lamer than outside.

April: Where have you been?
Andy: I told you I was gonna take you campin', didn't I?
April: Yeah.
Andy: Well, I'm taking you campin'. Look at this. This is what I had set up at the other campsite. Except for it was way nicer there. But this'll do. I've got some champagne. And I had to drink most of it to survive. So I'm kind of buzzed right now.
April: I'm just glad you're here. Can we make out now?

Ron Swanson: Hey.
Leslie Knope: Hey. Couldn't sleep?
Ron Swanson: No. My room is filled with cat hair and cat smell. And actual cats, roughly 12 cats.
Leslie Knope: Hmm, sounds delightful.

Ron Swanson: Leslie, what are you doing?
Leslie Knope: I am listening to Steal my Sunshine by Len. A one-hit wonder, like me.
Ron Swanson: You're not a one-hit wonder.
Leslie Knope: Well, I will be. I peaked at the Harvest Festival, Ron. Years from now, people are gonna say, "Remember that woman who came up with the Harvest Festival idea and never came up with another idea again? What happened to her? What was her name? Kim? Anyway, who cares? She's stupid, and she's dead now." For the first time ever, the Parks Department has real momentum, and I'm gonna ruin it for everybody.
Ron Swanson: You've done more for this group of people than anyone else. You're the only reason we all still have jobs. I think we'll be okay.

Leslie Knope: [o.s.] Ron, what are you doing?
Ron Swanson: This is my idea. You're gonna shut your brain down and go to sleep, and I'm gonna stay out here and guard the door so you can't leave.
Leslie Knope: No! Ron!
Ron Swanson: You've been thinking about work non-stop for years! It's time to rest!
Leslie Knope: All my binders are downstairs!
Elsa Clack: Shh!
Ron Swanson: All due respect, Ms. Clack, stick a German muffin in it.

Leslie Knope: [o.s.] Fair enough. I'm just gonna go to bed. Just call it a night.
Ron Swanson: I already checked, Leslie. The transom is painted shut.
Leslie Knope: Damn it! Oh, my God, there's, like, 50 cats in here.