New Girl - Nick Quote #578

Quote from Nick in Basketsball

Nick: Hey, where are you guys getting your photos developed these days? I got these beefcake selfies that I want to dangle in front of Jess, get her engine revved up.
Schmidt: Your phone has a camera, Nick.
Nick: These are sexy, sensual, private pics. I don't want them beamed right into Snowden's pocket. I'm not going through Wikileaks, man. It's not for me. Analog. It's the only thing you can trust.
Winston: You care to elaborate, you know, on this whole analog thing?
Nick: No, here's the reality, you never know what's gonna happen with a phone.
Winston: Right.
Nick: The hinges that hold the flip together, they get loosened over time when... when they get wet. And then once you open it, it's easier for people to go in there and see your passwords and, you know, see your codes. Once the screen breaks, your information's in the Twitterverse, man. And it's all out there for everyone to see, all these little monkey elves, man, all these kids. That's all they do. [sputters] Get your information, man. Bottom line is you can't control your technology. That's what's going on in Japan with all those robots. Not for me, man. That's why I trust a hard copy. Plain and simple.

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‘Basketsball’ Quotes

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: That liver spot out-sharked me. Can you believe that? I'm-I'm a minnow. Tomorrow, Ed is gonna present my idea to the board, and then he's gonna get the get the promotion. My career is toast. Minnow toast. Yeah, well, I tip my hat to him. The minnow tips his tiny hat to the shark, and then lays down on the toast to be eaten.
Cece: There is too much going on in whatever metaphor you're trying. Okay? It's too busy.
Cece: Somewhat made se- Oh, forget it.
Schmidt: Oh, forget it. Ed wins. I'm a mess.
Winston: Hell, no, Schmidt. Justice has to be served, all right?
Cece: Mm-hmm.
Schmidt: Right. Let us stop Ed. The minnow needs to get up off of... No, off of the toast mat and fish-fight his way to the orangutan ball.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: This is a big part of the biz, my man. Networking, face time, making deals. Normally, this would have a much sexier, businessman's vibe. But not when I'm dragging around this old drooling potato.
Ed: "Potata"? Yeah, I can split a baked "potata".
Schmidt: What a life you must have lead. Tell us about the street car, will you?
Ed: Oh, it was a dynamite way to get around.

Quote from Schmidt

Schmidt: Kim, if I may, uh, present an idea very quickly to the group. While I know...
Ed: Micro-marketing.
Schmidt: What?
Ed: Has this company ever considered targeting its message to individual consumers? Big data's knocking. [knocks on table] Let's open the door. Just a thought.
Kim: Yeah, interesting. Ed, look into that and present it to the board asap. Great job. I'd hug you, but you smell like a public library.
Schmidt: What are you doing?
Ed: I may be dirty, but I play old.
Schmidt: You said that wrong.
Ed: And yet I got my paw wrapped around your "avacadas".
Schmidt: What is with you and "avacadas"?

Nick Quotes

Quote from Young Adult

Nick: I'm using magnetic words to break through my writer's block, and it's not working. I've already folded all my shirts and masturbated six times, and I'm running out of things to do. I'm just in a real bind. You see, The Pepperwood Chronicles sold over 30 copies, Jess.
Jess: So, what, we're complaining about good things now?
Nick: It's just, my audience is gonna be clamoring for a sequel, and I can't leave those stevedores, those-those tugboat workers, those lighthouse keepers empty-handed.
Jess: You think that your audience is entirely made of, like...
Nick: Blue-collar nautical workers on the coastline of Maine. I don't think that, Jess, I know that.

Quote from Goldmine

Nick: When I came out, was it flashy? Was it emotional? Am I mad that Anderson Cooper doesn't fly the flag? Or for what he's doing in his own way-- is it even braver?
Jess: These are all really good questions, but I just can't get my mind off, like, why you dress this way. Why aren't you in better shape?
Nick: Don't put me in a box! There's nothing we gay men hate more than being put in a box.
Jess: Good.
Nick: Look, maybe I'm a bear, maybe I'm a twinkler.
Jess: That's not a category.
Nick: [loudly] I like rugby for the game and for the men. Now, if you excuse me, I got to go do that gay thing I was telling you about, because, of course, I'm gay as hell. [Jess laughs] Bye.
Jess: [whispers] That's not how gay men talk.
Nick: [whispers] I am shattering stereotypes.

Quote from Young Adult

Jess: That said... thanks for putting them up to it.
Nick: Jess, I don't know what you're talking about.
Jess: "Upmost"? There's only one person I know that says "upmost." It's "utmost."
Nick: "Utmost"?
Jess: "Utmost."
Nick: [chuckles] Agree to disagree. But the good news is my writer's block is gone, and that is thanks to you. You always come through for me, Jess, to the upmost.
Jess: I assure you, it's "utmost."
Nick: What's an "ut"? Come on, you're a writer. It's "up." Up to the most. Not ut to the most. I assure you.
Jess: Okay, sweetie.
Nick: You didn't come in here and say, "Thanks for putting them ut to it." I would've laughed you out of here. What is an "ut"?!