Schmidt: We're out the door. None of this in my car, please. I just had it shampooed. Jess. I called ahead and got us an early yurt check-in.

Schmidt: Isn't this group just a painfully transparent stall until you meet someone?
Jess: Being single is a choice.
Robby: Yeah.
Jess: Don't single-shame.
Schmidt: What is single-shame?
Cece: No, honey. He was not single-shaming you.
Schmidt: I-I wasn't...
Cece: That was not his intention at all.
Schmidt: I don't even know what that is.

Schmidt: I can't do this. This is... Take these back. You guys are ruining a perfectly good vista moment. Can't you go someplace else and "enjoy being single"?
Jess: [gasps] Did you just quote-hands "enjoy being single" to us?
Schmidt: You guys are telling each other that you're happy being this, when we all know that you would rather be this.
Jess: No. This is jazz hands, the end of an explosive musical number. This is O.J. trying to put on the bloody glove. This is freedom! This is flying! This is praying that you can go back to this! This is high fives for everybody! All around! Yes! Let's go to the lake, guys. Bye.
Dr. Foster: I call dibs on the slime-free part.
Jess: Okay.
Cece: Just enjoy the view.
Schmidt: I mean... This is O.J. putting back on the glove.

Winston: Oh, my gosh. 13 times.
Aly: Yeah. It's a lot of times.
Winston: A lot of times.
Aly: [chuckles] I had a good time.
Winston: I had a great time.
Aly: I could've gone so many more times than that.
Winston: Yeah, that's actually nothing. [both chuckle] I could go all night, girl.
Aly: I could go tens of... so many more times.
Winston: Tens of... Ten... Yeah. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
Aly: [sighs] Cool, cool, cool, cool.
Winston: That's what's up. That's what's up.
Aly: That's what's up.

Winston: [answers phone] [breathy:] Hella?
Nick: Winston, are you... Hey, Winnie, are you okay? You sound like you're being chased up a hill.
Winston: Oh, no. Aly and I are just breaking each other off basically nonstop. [to Aly] It's Nick. I told him we were breaking each other off basically nonstop.
Aly: I know. I can hear you, honey.
Winston: Oh, you heard everything? Okay.

Nick: [on the phone with Winston] Now, do y... do you guys want a PDF or do you want 100 individual JPEGs?
Aly: JPEGs, JPEGs, J... JPEGs.
Winston: Uh, 100 individual JPEGs, please.

Schmidt: [to Jess] Perhaps you could find the perfect bun if... I don't know... You had your glasses.
Cece: Oh. Oh, you know... you know who else has glasses?
Jess: Six out of ten people in the developed world, including Robby and I?
Schmidt: Jess, just give over to it. We're happy for you. Use your yurt. You have a world-class yurt.
Cece: Yeah, and if this is about me and Robby dating years ago, trust me, it doesn't matter. We only did hand stuff, per his neurosis, [Schmidt groans] so you totally have my blessing.
Jess: Blessing for what?
Cece: This.
Schmidt: That.

Jess: Guys, I am not into Robby. And I could never date a guy who wears glasses because of the clown from my dreams. The clown who wears glasses. Oh, my God, that clown is me. I'm not dating Robby, okay?

Robby: Hey.
Schmidt: Oh, Robby.
Cece: Oh, hey, Robby.
Robby: I heard my name a bunch of times. I mean, I could tell that you weren't trying to call me in here, but, uh, my curiosity kicked in, so... A couple of us are gonna wander down and, uh, you know, tell some stories and, uh... [plays guitar] sing a few songs.
Schmidt: That sounds great. Actually, you know who loves to sing?
Jess: Actually, I've really been hating music lately.
Schmidt: Come on, Jess, you're a whore for singin'. Please.

Aly: Yeah, thought carving our names in the trees would have taken longer.
Winston: Yeah.
Aly: So... do you want... want to have sex?
Winston: Yeah. I think that's... Yeah, let's... Listen, Aly, I got to admit, I'm pretty tapped out. I-I'm sorry to say it like that, but, you know, I'm...
Aly: No. Me, too!
Winston: We've had too much sex too fast!
Aly: I know! Why didn't we pace ourselves? I'm so exhausted.
Winston: Oh, my gosh, I think this whole ordeal just illustrates why three months isn't three days.
Aly: So happy you said that. I'm just happy to be in the same place as you.
Winston: Me, too. [they kiss]