Fawn Moscato: I'm sorry about the construction noise... it's an issue close to my heart... I do charity work with deaf children. Of course, they would welcome the noise, because it would mean they could hear. Let me let you in on a little secret. Just go to the public works web site and download this form.
Jess: You're a dear, Fawn. [Fawn laughs] I made a pun and I didn't know it.
Fawn Moscato: You're too much. [to Schmidt] Oh. Hi.
Jess: Schmidt, this is Fawn Moscato. She was just giving me a shortcut to file some complaints about the noise. [whispers] Looks like someone brought a shark to the dolphin show. [squeaks] That's a dolphin noise.
Ah. Very good.

Schmidt: Councilwoman Moscato, excuse my trembling, but it's an honor.
Fawn Moscato: Your head is enormous.
Schmidt: Why, thank you.

Schmidt: [to a passing waiter] Oh, excuse me, at some point in the evening, can you let me know that I have a call from Karl Lagerfeld?
Fawn Moscato: Schmidt. Bob, how are you? Tony, love you in a chino. Guillermo, fire up that grill, Fawn's hungry.
Guillermo: Si senora.
Fawn Moscato: [drinks] I'm Fawn Moscato. And I approve this scotch.
Schmidt: Oh, goodness.

Jess: Okay, so I'm almost finished with form 7D42, but I'm not sure what to put down for landlord's birth city. [Ryan rubs Jess's shoulders] Hey. Ooh. What you doing, hot shot?
Ryan: I was feeling saucy. I've had a glass of red wine.
Jess: Red wine makes you bonkers horny. I'll make you a deal. When I finish a form, you can take off an article
of clothing, and that way, when I'm done, then we can just go nuts on each other.
Ryan: Deal.
Jess: Hey, I'm not finished yet.
Ryan: Oh!
Coach: This is America! Wear pants!
Jess: Red wine. Sorry!

Winston: Dude, I'm gonna be in a patrol car the entire time. [laughing] I just got a text from my buddy Reynolds. Working his first shift, he got stabbed in the leg by a little girl. [laughs] I love Reynolds, man. He makes me laugh. That's funny...
Nick: You think that's funny?
Winston: To be stabbed by a little kid, yeah.
Coach: On the job.
Winston: Right. 'Cause you get paid.
Nick: That you're about to do.
Winston: Right, 'cause it's a child, and it's hilarious.
Nick: You don't like getting cut. You're very physically sensitive.
Winston: I am. Paper cuts give me headaches.

Winston: Guys, chill out, okay? I told you, I got my partner to protect me, remember?
Nick: The little one?
Coach: The one would could take a nap in a match box?
Winston: Which reminds me... I'm gonna make her a sandwich tomorrow. I might even throw in a crossword puzzle with Winston-related clues so she can get to know me better. "Who likes cats?" Winston, across.

Aly: Why are you here?
Nick: We brought you a gift. Assorted candies. Please enjoy. They are delicious. Now, I'm sure you have friends and family of officers coming in here all the time to check on them.
Aly: No. No, this would be a first.
Nick: Really? This is the first?
Aly: What do you guys need?
Coach: Well, we are here because, uh, Winston is our best friend, as you know, and, um... [clears throat] ... we're worried about him.
Nick: Yeah.
Coach: And I'm not saying that you're bad at your job as a training officer.
Nick: But I'm not saying you're good at your job. And that's why we're here... to kind of see where you're at, to see if you're ready to protect our asset, our dear friend.
Coach: Let's... let's be diplomatic.

Aly: Did Bishop put you up to this? Does he have some sort of problem with me being his training officer?
Nick: Not at all. No.
Aly: Oh, he is going to pay for this. He is going to pay.
Nick: He shouldn't pay for this. This has nothing to do with it. This is about us.
Aly: Okay.
Nick: First of all, you shouldn't get mad at him. Get mad at us.
Aly: Get out!
Coach: It's good to see you.
Aly: Get out.

Jess: You got a real Dudley Moore thing going on right now, and I like it.

Schmidt: Jessica Day, I think I'm in love.
Jess: Sorry. Did you just say you were in love?
Schmidt: That woman is a dynamo.
[flashback:]
Schmidt: So let's talk about the whole construction noise thing.
Fawn Moscato: Has anyone ever told you you look like a Jewish Kennedy? I hope not, because that would be offensive. [Schmidt laughs]