‘Last Thanksgiving’
Season 6, Episode 7 - Aired November 22, 2016
Jess is reluctant to tell Robby she doesn't have feelings for him on Thanksgiving. Meanwhile, Schmidt is excited that his father will be spending the holiday with him for once.
Quote from Schmidt
Ann Kim: Great speech.
Nick: Yeah, it really was a great speech, man.
Schmidt: Thanks.
Ann Kim: Did you do it with the five other women he's dating?
Schmidt: What?
Ann Kim: That's why he always refers to me by my first and last name, because he's dating two Anns.
Nick: This is worse than my Reagan thing.
Schmidt: I can't believe that I spent all day feeling sorry for that son of a bitch. I guess I'm the son of a bitch.
Ann Kim: Leave or I'm hitting the sprinklers.
Schmidt: Ann Kim, please, give me a minute to process this. [sprinklers come on] That was not a minute!
Quote from Winston
Winston: Hello, Jessica. If you're here to hurt Robby, then you're here to hurt me. And if you hurt me, then I'm gonna hurt Robby. Wait a minute. No. If you're here...
Jess: If you don't get out of your room, I'm gonna bleach all your bird shirts.
Winston: Robby, I got to go.
Jess: That's a wise choice.
Quote from Robby
Jess: Robby, I need you to know that there is... [exhales] nothing going on between me and Gavin, except for an icy awkwardness that will continue until one or both of us is dead.
Robby: Oh, thank God. [laughs] I mean, I was sitting here thinking, really? Schmidt's dad.
Jess: I know. That'd be crazy, right?
Robby: Although I totally get it. I mean... [exhales] he's got that rakish charm. And that voice. Oh, my God. Great buns and...
Jess: Robby, stop. There's more.
Robby: Oh, boy. I think I know where this is going. Let me guess. You see me as more of a friend.
Jess: Well, I didn't want to talk about it on Thanksgiving. But you brought the tickets and...
Robby: Jess, it's okay. I get it. You know, there has to be that, um...
Jess: Oomph?
Robby: Yeah. I was gonna say "yowza," but, uh, oomph. You can't force the oomph, you know? I'll take my mom to Phoenix. She's nuts about Phoenix.
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: Well, congrats, Dad! Holiday's over! You ruined another Thanksgiving! I can't believe that you're seeing six women.
Jess: What's going on?
Nick: How do you run a vineyard?
Gavin: Not well. I'm seeing six women.
Robby: He tried to make it seven. I caught him making a move on Jess.
Schmidt: Again? Why is my father so sexual?
Winston: Why is he asking Chicago?
Nick: Good question.
Schmidt: You know what, Gavin, if this is who you really are, then you can forget about Thanksgiving and all the holidays and all the non-holidays. Pretty much what I'm talking about is every day.
Quote from Robby
Jess: Wait! Robby! Robby, don't go.
Robby: I tried to Irish good-bye, but, uh, I'm moving a little slow.
Jess: When you were in there and you were saying all those things, I realize I don't even really know you. And I want to get to know you.
Robby: Jess, it's okay. I-I don't want you to force something that's not there.
Jess: I felt it.
Robby: You felt the oomph?
Jess: Yes. I... [sighs] I'm sorry I'm being so confusing. I-I think I'm as bad at Thanksgiving as I am at starting new relationships.
Robby: Yeah, you're pretty bad.
Jess: Robby, will you go on another date with me? [sings] Come on, baby, make it hurt so good.
Robby: Hell yeah, I'll go on another date with you. I did already tell my mom about Phoenix though. I hope that's okay.
Jess: Oh, of course. I apologize in advance for the state of our main course.
Quote from Nick
Nick: [phone buzzes] Oh, it's Reagan. Oh, whoa. You know, I've always wanted to do this. Uh, read out loud.
Female voice: In Omaha. Heart emoji. Smiling pile of poo emoji. I want my tongue emoji on your monkey emoji.
Nick: Eh, come on, that's a little private. S-Sorry about that.
Jess: She wants to tongue your monkey?
Winston: What's your monkey?
Schmidt: Smiling pile of poo?