Captain Stottlemeyer: Where have you been?
Adrian Monk: Art class.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Right, your hobby. How's that going?
Natalie: Mr. Monk drew a beautiful landscape today.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Did he now? Did you put it up on the refrigerator, mommy?
Adrian Monk: Well, the teacher said it was odious.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Odious. That doesn't sound good.
Natalie: Well, I love it. I think he has real talent. I believe in him.

Captain Stottlemeyer: What are the odds, right? Same Junkyard, two victims, two nights running?
Adrian Monk: This is wrong. I don't think he died here. This is 12 inches, right?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: The knife's 48 inches off the ground.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Right.
Adrian Monk: That's 54 inches.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It doesn't match.
Adrian Monk: He was stabbed somewhere else. He was killed here. Then moved over there to the booby trap to make it look like an accident.
Lieutenant Disher: Maybe the guy who drove off last night came back.
Captain Stottlemeyer: For what? What the hell are they after?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. There's something here. Something worth dying for, or killing for.
Natalie: Here?

Adrian Monk: Who found the body?
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, we got an anonymous call. Figured it was Hector, his assistant.
Adrian Monk: Is he here?
Lieutenant Disher: No, took off. Probably got scared. No green card.
Adrian Monk: Maybe he knows what's on that missing page.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Find him and bring an interpreter.
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, we don't need one. I can do it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You speak Spanish?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah. I'm brushing up. Trying to make Captain.
Natalie: You any good?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah. I'm bueno. I'm mucho bueno.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I got a feeling about this and it ain't bueno.

Petya Lovak: Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: Yes?
Petya Lovak: Adrian Monk, the Painter.
Adrian Monk: ... Yeah.
Petya Lovak: It is you. What a great honor, sir. Please, can I come in?
Adrian Monk: Yes. Please.

Petya Lovak: Ah, the smell of a genius. This must be your studio?
Adrian Monk: Not really a studio.
Petya Lovak: I'm sorry, I haven't introduced myself. Petya Lovak from Rostov, near Moscow. You've been to Russia?
Adrian Monk: No, I don't travel much.
Petya Lovak: Except for up there, I presume.
Adrian Monk: You're an art dealer?
Petya Lovak: I'm not merely an art dealer. I'm a connoisseur. I am an enthusiast. And each and every day, I look for new talent. Today, I was at the college, and what did I see? I saw this fantastic landscape you have done. Oh, magnificent! It's a wonderful example of outsider art.
Adrian Monk: Outsider art?
Petya Lovak: You see, every great moment in history like Cubism, surrealism, they all began as outsider art.

Petya Lovak: Is this some of your work? Do you mind if I... Please? Oh, I love this. [places on painting on easel]
Adrian Monk: Well... Yeah. [reorients painting] Actually, it's a banana.
Petya Lovak: It's a flat... It's a flat banana.
Adrian Monk: Yes. I had my assistant flatten it, straighten it.
Petya Lovak: A flat banana. I get it. I love it. I want it.
Adrian Monk: You want to buy it?
Petya Lovak: Yes, I give you $300 cash. And I'll take it right away.
Adrian Monk: $300?
Petya Lovak: Let's make it 500. And this one too. I must have this.
Adrian Monk: No no, that one doesn't count. I messed it up. That- It's just a swoosh.
Petya Lovak: No, Mr. Monk. Let me tell you. You say more with one swoosh than most artists say with a million swoosh. Just look at this. From a distance. Eternity dives. Brilliant! There. So can I propose to you a thousand dollars for both those pieces? Do we have a deal?
Adrian Monk: I don't usually shake hands, but I thank you.
Petya Lovak: Mr. Monk, you are a true revelation. And I would like the world to know it.
Adrian Monk: I don't know what to say.
Petya Lovak: Don't say anything. Just paint, paint, paint! And when you can't paint anymore, just continue painting.

Adrian Monk: Yeah, I'm too busy. I have big art show tomorrow at the college.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, we've got two victims here, the case is fresh. I think it's kind of a priority.
Adrian Monk: Well, this is kind of a priority to me.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, it's not. This is a hobby.
Adrian Monk: Not anymore. It was a hobby when I started.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You mean Thursday?
Natalie: He sold two paintings.
Adrian Monk: Deux.

Petya Lovak: Look at that. Are these new? Mr. Monk, it is as if art never existed before and you reinvented it.
Adrian Monk: Right.
Petya Lovak: I'll take both of them for $1,200. And I will hang them in my villa in Monte Carlo.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Wait. You're gonna put them up where you live?
Petya Lovak: Oh, I've never seen this. How much is pig woman?
Adrian Monk: Sorry, that's not for sale. I just gave it to Natalie as a gift.
Petya Lovak: No, no, no. A thousand dollars.
Natalie: Pardon me?
Petya Lovak: I'm sorry, $2,000! I must have this painting.
Natalie: [chuckles] Oh, I can't. I'm sorry. It was a gift, I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I really am.
Petya Lovak: You sure?
Natalie: [to Monk] Are you sure? [to Mr. Lovak] Yeah, I'm sure.

Adrian Monk: Really? You know, I could sell that piece tonight for $3,000.
Dr. Kroger: And I-and I think that's great, I'm really proud of you, Adrian. But, you know, when I suggested that you take up a hobby, I never expected...
Adrian Monk: Me to succeed.
Dr. Kroger: No, no, no. That is not what I meant.
Adrian Monk: Trudy always said I had the soul of an artist.
Dr. Kroger: And I agree with Trudy. See, I always felt that your detective work was your art, the way you analyze a crime scene.
Adrian Monk: I did too, I did too. But now I've sold these paintings. Something that I created is out there on somebody's wall being admired. I'm invigorated. I feel invigorated. I'm invigorated. Who knows what else I can do?

Dr. Kroger: You sold five paintings?
Adrian Monk: That's right. That's right.
Dr. Kroger: But all to the same man, this Mr. Lovak. What- What do you know about him?
Adrian Monk: He's from a little town called Rostov, which is near Moscow. His family owns an oil refinery. But Petya is more interested in collecting fine art. If you'd like to meet him, there's an exhibit at my art school this very afternoon.
Dr. Kroger: Sorry, I- Maybe another time. But you know what? Our time is up. And I am afraid I'm going to have to ask you for that check.
Adrian Monk: Are you sure?