Captain Stottlemeyer: I gave her your name. I figured you'd collect a nice payday after you convinced her she was crazy.
Adrian Monk: Actually, I think she might be onto something.
Sharona: We'd like to look at the official file.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Look, there is no D'Souza case. It was an accident. The barbell slipped, crushed his trachea.
Lieutenant Disher: He was alone in his apartment on the 35th floor.
Adrian Monk: I know.
Lieutenant Disher: There was only one way up. It was a private elevator. Nobody else used it.
Adrian Monk: I know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: The apartment was locked from the inside.
Adrian Monk: I know.

Lieutenant Disher: Sapphire Mansion. I've never been. Have you ever been?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Once. Ten years ago.
Sharona: Did your wife find out?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. I told her. In therapy. We were playing the honesty game.
Lieutenant Disher: Red Roof Inn?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yep. This was before they built the new lobby.
Lieutenant Disher: You know, Captain, I think Monk might be onto something here. Maybe we should tag along.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Lieutenant, I think you might be right.
Sharona: Oh, God.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, I'm married. I'm not dead.

Adrian Monk: What's this about?
Lieutenant Disher: That is how Dex got started. This is his first magazine. He almost went bankrupt, and then one day he put Miss Transistor on the cover. And voila.
Adrian Monk: Voila?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah. He renamed it Sapphire magazine, dropped all the electronic stuff. The rest is history.
Sharona: Silicone and air-brushed women?
Lieutenant Disher: Well, it's a kind of history.

Dexter Larsen: This is it, guys. This is the room where I get 99% of my inspiration.
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, my God. We're really here. We're in his bedroom. Pinch me.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No.
Lieutenant Disher: I didn't I didn't mean literally pinch me. It's a figure...
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, shut up. We're done talking about pinching.

Dexter Larsen: Sharona Fleming, this is Shawn Clemmons. Won the Calico Beach Classic last week in Santa Barbara.
Sharona: Hi.
Dexter Larsen: And this is Danny Bonaduce.
Danny Bonaduce: Yeah. This is a dream come true for you. Am I right?
Sharona: Uh, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah.
Danny Bonaduce: Yeah. I like this girl.
Dexter Larsen: Oh, I, uh, see you brought your caddie.
Adrian Monk: I hope you don't mind if I tag along. It's a beautiful day for a walk.

Sharona: Give me a three.
Adrian Monk: I think we start with one.
Sharona: No, no, no. It's too much club. I need a three-wood. Give me a three.
Adrian Monk: Let's start with the one and then the two and then the three. It's better. Just go in order.
Sharona: You don't know what you're talking about. Give me the three.
Adrian Monk: I c-can't. I can't.
Sharona: Okay. Give me the one.
Adrian Monk: Now you're talkin'.
Sharona: Give me the two.
Adrian Monk: Comin' up.
Sharona: [throws the two clubs away] This is the first club now. Okay?
Adrian Monk: Was that so hard?
Sharona: Yeah.

Adrian Monk: How did you do it?
Dexter Larsen: You mean how did I, uh, rise from humble beginnings to achieve all of this?
Adrian Monk: No. No, I mean how did you murder Elliott D'Souza?
Dexter Larsen: What are you talking about? There was no murder. Elliott was alone. The door was locked.
Adrian Monk: Right. How did you do it?

Dexter Larsen: You've taken a great interest in me, and the truth is I've taken an interest in you too and your friend, Sharona. May I show you something? My research staff is first-rate. She must have been 19, maybe 20. You know what? Th-That's That's my favorite age. Hungry, with no inhibitions. These were taken in Atlantic City. She was using a different name, but my lawyers assure me that the release that she signed is solid. I can publish them anytime I want.
Adrian Monk: What kind of man are you?
Dexter Larsen: I told you on the golf course, Mr. Monk. I do not lose. Now, Sharona, she has a son. How old is he now?
Adrian Monk: He's 12.
Dexter Larsen: Twelve. That's an impressionable age. I think we understand each other, don't we? Any more questions about what happened to Elliott?
Adrian Monk: No.
Dexter Larsen: You can let yourself out.

Amber: I told you. Dexter and I were in bed all night and all morning. He never left the room.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay. We know it wasn't your earring. Why did you lie about that?
Amber: I thought it was mine. I made a mistake.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Amber, why are you protecting him?
Amber: I wouldn't do that. I don't lie.
Lieutenant Disher: You don't lie, huh? Well, in your pictorial, you never mentioned having a kid. And you said you live on a farm.
Amber: Well, this may come as a shock to you, Lieutenant, but those profiles, they're completely made-up.

Adrian Monk: He... He had some pictures.
Sharona: What kind of pictures?
Adrian Monk: Compromising pictures.
Sharona: What, he's blackmailing you? With what? You never did anything. What, he's got pictures of you with your shirt not tucked in? That's ridiculous.
Adrian Monk: Not of me.
Sharona: Well, who then? What, me? Oh, my God. From Atlantic City. I... Adrian. Benjy was one, and l... I was just so desperate.
Adrian Monk: He's gonna publish them if we don't walk away.
Sharona: Did you see them?
Adrian Monk: What?
Sharona: Did you see those photos?
Adrian Monk: [long, nervous pause] No. [turns away] Yes.
Sharona: Oh, my God. Oh, God.