Natalie: No, is that the time? I have to go, I have to meet Mr. Monk at the crime lab.
T.K. Jensen: God, how do you do it?
Natalie: Do what?
T.K. Jensen: Your job. How do you live with it? The blood, the anger, the victims. How do you get used to it?
Natalie: Oh, well, I'm not used to it. I hope I never am.
T.K. Jensen: Don't tell Leland but after the break-in last week, I didn't sleep for two days.
Stephanie Briggs: Honey.
T.K. Jensen: I'm serious. I don't know if I can be a cop's wife.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, the evidence is over here. Randy, go get him. It's a mixed arrangement, they're supposed to be mixed up. That's the centerpiece for the tables at the reception. Thank you.

Lieutenant Disher: Hey, I'm looking forward to coming to the bachelor party tonight. What time should I get there?
Adrian Monk: 6:00.
Lieutenant Disher: The bachelor party starts at 6:00?
Adrian Monk: Be there or be square.

Adrian Monk: All right, let's see. We have a work boot, size 12 1/3, maybe 13. So he was tall. And slightly bowlegged. The wear on the heel, it's uneven.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You getting this down, Randy?
Lieutenant Disher: Yes, sir.
Adrian Monk: What is this? Thorn. There's no break. I think it was cut. And this, what is that? It's green styrofoam.
Lieutenant Disher: I'll send this down to the lab.
Captain Stottlemeyer: We're in the lab.
Lieutenant Disher: Then I'll just put it right there.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Truth is, I might not be needing that ring after all. T.K.'s having second thoughts about the wedding. Buyer's remorse.
Adrian Monk: What? What happened?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, the break-in at my house really spooked her. It was just a B and E, some kid, didn't take anything, probably a junkie looking for my piece. Now I can't bring it in the house.
Lieutenant Disher: Wow.
Captain Stottlemeyer: New rule, I have to leave the gun in the car. Monk, for god's sake, would you leave it alone?
Adrian Monk: Green styrofoam. He was a florist.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Sorry I'm late. You okay? You're shaking.
T.K. Jensen: Somebody just called me, and he said he ransacked your place, and he said he'd be back.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Just now on this phone? Let me see. Did you recognize the voice?
T.K. Jensen: No, it was weird. It was mechanical.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Electronic filter, could've been anybody. Comptel. It was a pay phone.
T.K. Jensen: He knew my name.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Don't worry about it. It's no big deal. Just some creep having fun. I'll take care of it tomorrow.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Look, there's no way I'mgonna leave you tonight.
T.K. Jensen: I'm fine. I'll go to the office, I've got a lot of work to do anyway. And there's 20 people there, I'll be fine. You have to go.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No.
T.K. Jensen: This means the world to Adrian. He's been planning it all week.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, I'll go. Besides, the party's at Monk's house, it'll be over by 9:00.

Adrian Monk: You're right. Let's break out the booze. And everybody gets a beer.
First cop: Hold on, only 12 bottles?
Adrian Monk: [counts] Everybody gets a beer.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Gentlemen, here's the situation. We've got 12 bottles, which is 144 fluid ounces. Which is enough for each of us to get a little sleepy.
Adrian Monk: Yeah!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Or for one of us to get good and polluted.
First cop: Designated drunk. Hey, I love the idea.
Lieutenant Disher: I'll get drunk.
Captain Stottlemeyer: All right. We've started a new wedding tradition, a tradition that I hope is never repeated.

Adrian Monk: All right, I have a question. I have a question. Do any of you guys Like movies? I'm talking about Hollywood movies. Because I have found the ultimate bachelor party movie. It's rated R. Everybody here over 18? [laughter] No, seriously, are they? Check it out.
Captain Stottlemeyer: "Bachelor Party."
Adrian Monk: [laughs] It's actually called bachelor party. Read the cover.
Captain Stottlemeyer: "Shocking, shameful."
Adrian Monk: That's for you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: "Sinful."
Adrian Monk: Oh my.
Captain Stottlemeyer: "And the party hasn't even begun yet."
Adrian Monk: Get it?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah.

Adrian Monk: [laughs] He spilled his beer. It's all over the floor. Now what are they doing, dancing on the roof of the car? You can't make this stuff up, this movie's off the hook. It's off the hook. Alright, now what's he doing?
Second Cop: He's throwing up.
Adrian Monk: It's only a movie, right?