Adrian Monk: Is he here?
Lieutenant Disher: Uh, no. He took Linda to lunch. Can I get him on his cell?
Adrian Monk: No! No no no no. Actually, we wanted to talk to you. It's kind of important.
Natalie: Randy, what we're about to tell you is absolutely confidential. You can't repeat it to anyone.
Lieutenant Disher: Are you in love with me?
Natalie: What? No!
Adrian Monk: I think Linda Fusco might have killed her partner.
Lieutenant Disher: [chuckles] What? I don't believe that. There's no way, Monk.
Natalie: Am I in love with you?

Lieutenant Disher: No, it's Linda. We know her.
Adrian Monk: Do we?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah. Besides, it it's impossible. I mean, she was talking to the Captain that night on the webcam from her house. I mean, Monk, you were there.
Adrian Monk: I know, but let's just-
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, okay, what? It was about at 7:00? Right? And she was definitely here in Richmond at 7:00. The guy was killed when?
Adrian Monk: 7:20. There were two witnesses.
Lieutenant Disher: Okay, he was killed at 7:20 here in Novato... Hmm. It's, like, 30 miles.
Adrian Monk: 32.2.
Lieutenant Disher: Okay, 32.2 miles in 20 minutes? There's no way. That's 100 miles an hour through traffic. It's just not possible.
Natalie: Maybe she had a jetpack. Like in those James Bond movies.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, well, there's no such thing as a working jet pack. Don't ask me how I know.

Adrian Monk: Randy, do you have any ideas? I mean, anything at all. One of your crazy theories?
Lieutenant Disher: My crazy theories? Like what?
Natalie: Like me being in love with you?
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, you think that's crazier than Linda Fusco flying across San Francisco in a jet pack?
Natalie: Too close to call.

Adrian Monk: Okay, we're here at Linda's house. She had 20 minutes to get there, so you're really gonna have to haul bottom.
Natalie: Haul bottom?
Adrian Monk: It's biker talk. It just means don't stop for anything. All right?

Natalie: All right, hold on.
Adrian Monk: To what?
Natalie: To me.
Adrian Monk: I'm- I- I'm okay.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, you're gonna fall off the seat.
Adrian Monk: I know what I'm doing, okay? I'll just lean forward. It's called weight displacement. We're wasting valuable time. Let's do it. Ready. And go!
[As Natalie accelerates, Monk is thrown off the back seat onto the ground.]
Natalie: Are you all right?
Adrian Monk: Wipes! Wipes.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, what about the lunatic? The, uh, the client that wrote those letters? Have you even looked at her?
Adrian Monk: Captain, this isn't easy for me.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, really? What is? You're talking about the woman I love, Monk.
Adrian Monk: I know. I know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I think I know what's going on here. You look at me, and you can't stand it. I have what you want. A badge, a woman, a life.
Adrian Monk: That's true. But-
Captain Stottlemeyer: But nothing! This is not my problem, Monk. This is your problem. You deal with it.
Adrian Monk: All right, look. Why don't we- Why don't we talk to a neutral party? We could call the Marin County D.A.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [shoves Monk] I am done talking! I am done talking. But I'm gonna do you a favor, Monk. For old time's sake. I'm gonna forget that you said anything. This never happened. Okay? Now, if you'll excuse me, my girlfriend is very upset.

Adrian Monk: What are you doing?
Linda Fusco: Negotiating.
Adrian Monk: Well, you're a bad girlfriend.
Linda Fusco: Maybe. But I am a very good negotiator. I'm probably the best negotiator in Northern California. And I think that it's time that we close this deal.
Adrian Monk: Leland is my friend! My best friend. My only friend, really. There was this guy last year. Hal. Hal Tucker. You know, we went to a hockey game, but he's in prison now. I think he was using me. I'm pretty sure...

Captain Stottlemeyer: Here's what I can't figure. Was it a setup from the beginning, is that what it was all about? Did she figure a cop would make a better alibi or was it for real? Man, it sure felt like it was for real. I guess I'll never know.
Lieutenant Disher: Sorry, did you say something?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No.
Lieutenant Disher: You know, I think it worked out okay. I mean, all things considered. But here's what I can't figure out, though. Did she really love you or was it a setup from the beginning? I mean, maybe she figured a cop would be the perfect alibi. Or maybe it was the real thing, and the plan came later. Something to think about, though, huh?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Huh. Yup. Something to think about. [throws ring]
Lieutenant Disher: What was that?
Captain Stottlemeyer: That was nothing. It was just a rock.

Captain Stottlemeyer: We have a webcam date at 6:30 every night. It's the only chance I get to see her now that she's moved uptown.
Linda Fusco: [on video chat] Well, don't worry, baby, you'll get to see plenty of me in Hawaii. Look. Wait. See what I bought? Yeah, oh, now, hold on. For the full effect.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I love it.
Adrian Monk: Hawaii.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. Yeah, we're leaving Friday. I haven't had a vacation in over 10 years.
Natalie: Oh, so jealous. Where are you staying?
Linda Fusco: On Kauai. And look, it's the North Shore right there. And we may never come home.
Natalie: Oh, you're gonna have so much fun.
Linda Fusco: I am counting the minutes. And, oh, is that the correct time? It's 7:00. I gotta go. I've got a closing tomorrow, so I have to crunch some numbers.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What happened to Sean?
Linda Fusco: Well, uh, he's up in Marin County, showing a house. Better him than me, right? So I love you, and I will see you tomorrow! Bye, all.

Natalie: So Sean is her partner?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, yeah, they've been together for 17 years.
Natalie: Oh, God, that's longer than most marriages.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Longer than mine.