Linda Fusco: Well, what is going on?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, this tree was dead. If it fell down, it would take out half your roof, so I called a buddy of mine at the Parks Department.
Linda Fusco: You are really a full-service boyfriend, aren't you? Mm. What's he doing?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Some idiot parked in front of your fire hydrant, so I made a phone call.
Linda Fusco: You know, I think you worry a little too much.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's my job to worry about you.
Linda Fusco: That's sweet.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Sweetie, what's wrong?
Linda Fusco: It's Sean. He was killed last night. In the house that he was showing. He was murdered.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Sweetie, I'm sorry. That's Marin County, right? I know some guys up there. We'll work this together.
Linda Fusco: No, no, no, Leland. Don't leave me.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay. Don't worry, I'm here. I'm here. It's okay.

Lieutenant Hendrix: Help you?
Natalie: Yes, I am Natalie Teeger, and this is Adrian Monk.
Lieutenant Hendrix: Ah, yeah, yeah, I talked to Leland Stottlemeyer. He said you'd be dropping by. Guess he didn't think our little department could handle a grown-up homicide, huh?
Adrian Monk: No, no, no, no. Not the whole department. It's just one guy. Stottlemeyer worked with a guy from here twenty years ago in Malibu. Apparently, the guy was a real... What was the word?
Natalie: Uh, hammerhead.
Adrian Monk: Hammerhead. That's the word, like... Just one guy.
Lieutenant Hendrix: Twenty years ago? Malibu?
Adrian Monk: N- No. N- N- N- No. Not- No, did I say- Not Malibu.
Natalie: No, it wasn't you.
Adrian Monk: It wasn't you.
Natalie: Yeah, he never actually said who.
Adrian Monk: Never.
Natalie: But, uh, it wasn't you.
Adrian Monk: Who are you?
Natalie: What is your name?
Lieutenant Hendrix: Hendrix.
Natalie: Hendrix. Nah, definitely wasn't you.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, that was the guy he said it wasn't.

Lieutenant Hendrix: Mr. and Mrs. Young? Just a couple more questions, if you don't mind. You said the killer was 5'7", right? He was hiding in the bathroom, and he came out and he shot Sean Corcoran. Then what?
Mr. Young: He just stood there. For a couple seconds. Then we just ran away. He could've killed us. I don't know why he didn't.
Lieutenant Hendrix: Did he say anything?
Mrs. Young: Excuse me? I've been thinking about it I think it might've been a woman.
Lieutenant Hendrix: Why do you say that?
Mrs. Young: The lips. They were sort of a coral peach.
Lieutenant Hendrix: Lipstick?
Mrs. Young: I'm a buyer for a cosmetics company. It's a pretty unusual shade. I think Runway makes one.
Natalie: Oh, I love Runway. It's just- It's so expensive. I can't afford it.
Adrian Monk: Why not? Oh, yeah. [Hendrix clears his throat] It was her. She said something. I was just answering her. It wasn't you.

Lieutenant Hendrix: Simple as pie, huh? He, or, uh, she breaks the glass, reaches in, throws the lock, opens the door.
Adrian Monk: Permission to speak.
Lieutenant Hendrix: Permission denied.
Natalie: Permission denied?
Adrian Monk: Permission to speak anyway. Just say one thing real quick, and then I'll shut up. These shards of glass, they're still intact. If she came in this way, she would've stepped on them. So at least some of them would be cracked.
Lieutenant Hendrix: Or maybe she stepped over 'em, right? Like this. Right? That makes sense, doesn't it?
Adrian Monk: Maybe. [to Natalie] Or she had a key.

Linda Fusco: They really think that it was a woman?
Adrian Monk: Well, they're not sure. Who else had a key to that house?
Linda Fusco: Well, let's see, um... The homeowners, obviously, and probably some relatives. Maybe some household help. Anybody here? Your sales staff?
Natalie: Yeah, there was a lock box on the front door.
Linda Fusco: Uh, yeah, that's true. Any one of the agents could've gotten in, but it could not have been anyone here. We are a family.
Adrian Monk: Did Sean have any enemies?
Linda Fusco: No. Wait. There was one client.
Natalie: A woman?
Linda Fusco: Her name was Hubbert. Helen Hubbert. Sean sold her a property last year, and she had been writing him letters. And it was pretty nasty stuff. I think the letters are in his office.
Adrian Monk: [notices picture with of Linda with a man holding a hunting gun] Is this a picture of you with your father?
Linda Fusco: My grandfather. It's him just before he died.

Natalie: Was he leaving?
Linda Fusco: Well, it's no secret that he was starting his own company. That happens all the time. Um, yes. Here it is. Helen Hubbert. I met her at a closing once. She didn't seem dangerous. Maybe a little tightly wound, but I guess you can never tell.
Adrian Monk: No. You can't.

Lieutenant Disher: [on the phone] Great, thank you. Yeah, I'll see you there. Aloha to you too. [hangs up] I just booked the second best ukulele band in San Francisco. I'm, uh, throwing the captain and Linda a little going away party. It's a luau. Grass skirts, limbo dancing.
Adrian Monk: They're still going?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, they pushed it back a week, until after the funeral, but they're still gonna go. The captain says Linda needs it now more than ever. You know, plus any excuse for a luau.

Natalie: Okay, then let's do it. [hands Monk a helmet]
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I don't think so.
Natalie: Brand-new, straight from the factory, nobody's even worn it.
Adrian Monk: Eh...
Natalie: Mr. Monk, if you don't put it on, bugs are going to fly into your mouth.
Adrian Monk: Can't you just avoid them?
Natalie: I can't avoid the bugs.
Adrian Monk: Sure you can. You see a bug, zigzag. See another bug, zigzag.
Natalie: If you don't put it on, we're not going.

Natalie: Well? Could she have done it?
Adrian Monk: Done who? Done what?
Natalie: Mr. Monk, check the stopwatch! An hour and five minutes. Not even close.
Adrian Monk: So just remind me.
Natalie: The captain's girlfriend. She couldn't have done it. We just proved it.
Adrian Monk: Right! Linda. Thank God. She couldn't have done it. Oh, what a relief. She didn't do it. Natalie, I have never been happier to be wrong. [sees flowers] Oh, no.