Captain Stottlemeyer Quote #281
Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer in Mr. Monk and the Bad Girlfriend
Captain Stottlemeyer: We have a webcam date at 6:30 every night. It's the only chance I get to see her now that she's moved uptown.
Linda Fusco: [on video chat] Well, don't worry, baby, you'll get to see plenty of me in Hawaii. Look. Wait. See what I bought? Yeah, oh, now, hold on. For the full effect.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I love it.
Adrian Monk: Hawaii.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. Yeah, we're leaving Friday. I haven't had a vacation in over 10 years.
Natalie: Oh, so jealous. Where are you staying?
Linda Fusco: On Kauai. And look, it's the North Shore right there. And we may never come home.
Natalie: Oh, you're gonna have so much fun.
Linda Fusco: I am counting the minutes. And, oh, is that the correct time? It's 7:00. I gotta go. I've got a closing tomorrow, so I have to crunch some numbers.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What happened to Sean?
Linda Fusco: Well, uh, he's up in Marin County, showing a house. Better him than me, right? So I love you, and I will see you tomorrow! Bye, all.
‘Mr. Monk and the Bad Girlfriend’ Quotes
Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer
Adrian Monk: [over intercom] Ms. Hubbert, I'm sure you wouldn't want us to inform the school board about your little drinking problem.
Helen Hubbert: What? I mean, how-
Adrian Monk: How? How? We're the FBI, that's how!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, for God's sakes, he can see the flask in your pocket.
Adrian Monk: And Ms. Hubbert, I'm sure you wouldn't want the IRS to know about your second job. You have been moonlighting as a waitress, haven't you? Have you been reporting all of your tips?
Captain Stottlemeyer: He's looking inside your purse. He can see your wad of singles. Hey! Hey, Agent FBI Man, huh? [drags shoe across the mirror] Here, what do you think of that?
Adrian Monk: Leland, you can put this woman away for the rest of her life. Linda Fusco will still be guilty.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: Yeah, we have some news, some good news.
Natalie: Yeah. We have good news. We think we know who killed Sean Corcoran.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's great. That was fast.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. This individual has a motive.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Good. Motive is good.
Adrian Monk: Owns a shotgun, and had access to the house.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, let's pick him up. What's his name? [Monk looks at Natalie] Monk, the suspect has a name, right? And what is that name?
Adrian Monk: ... Linda. Linda Fusco.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [laughs] That's hilarious. You got me. That's good. Ha! That's rich. See you guys manana.
Natalie: Captain? He's not joking. He never jokes.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's true.
Adrian Monk: She's the guy.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Adrian Monk: [over intercom] Excuse me. Could you fix the blinds, please?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't feel like it.
Adrian Monk: I wasn't talking to you. Ma'am? I'm gonna need you to fix the blinds at this time.
Helen Hubbert: Who is that?
Adrian Monk: I'm with the FBI. In Washington.
Natalie: Stop it.
Adrian Monk: D.C. Watching you on my computer. Screen.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Don't listen to him, ma'am. He is not-
Adrian Monk: Ma'am, I'm gonna need you to fix the blind. And while you're at it, pick up the Styrofoam pieces scattered about the room.
Captain Stottlemeyer: He is not a federal agent.
Adrian Monk: Yes, he- I am.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, he's not. He's an ex-cop who hates himself and hates his life and isn't happy unless everybody else is as miserable as he is!