Phil: Luke?
Andy: Nope. I accidentally took your pen. I didn't want to go plan my wedding with something so big weighing on my mind.
Phil: Andy, I am really sorry. I didn't mean for you to hear that.
Andy: Do not worry. No big dip!
Phil: Really?
Andy: Sure! It's actually kind of funny, you know? 'Cause how crazy is life? I was all, "Should I propose to Beth? I have feelings for someone else." Meantime, I was talking about Haley. Haley apparently had feelings for me, and I had no clue! How could you not laugh at something like that, right? [laughs]

JHaley: What's, uh, "e-olve" mean?
Claire: Oh, no. It says "evolve." It's one of Dylan's designs. The neck is the "v."
Jay: There's two v's.
Claire: There can't be two necks.
Jay: Then why even do it?
Claire: Don't make me defend this, Dad. I am just trying to be supportive.

Gloria: Ignore him. He's just grumpy because Joe starts school tomorrow.
Phil: Well, that's hard when they leave the nest for the first time.
Jay: I don't care about that.
[aside to camera:]
Jay: All I wanted was to bribe my way into that fancy school by making cubbies stuff didn't fall out of.
[flashback to a boy being cut out of a cubbie]
Gloria: We can't say more. Litigation is pending.

Claire: Whoa. What happened to your ear, Van Gogh?
Mitchell: Oh, I was painting sunflowers outside, and I got stung by a bee. You know, I take it as a compliment.
Manny: From the bee community?

Cameron: Okay, what is wrong with you people? I am dying here, trying to hold down two jobs while you enable a once-proud man who is clearly having a talent-free breakdown. You know why he reminds you of Van Gogh? It's because he's earning nothing, and he's losing his mind!

Claire: Oh, my god, right?
Phil: I am freaking out.
Claire: You don't think that's because of what he heard us say, do you?
Phil: No, lots of people gain weight during their engagement. You did.
Claire: I was pregnant.
Phil: I'm trying, Claire.

Phil: I don't want to believe we're responsible.
Claire: Of course we're responsible. Clearly, Andy has been stuffing his face ever since he found out that Haley almost stopped his proposal.
Haley: What?
Phil: We have got to start talking in the garage.

Haley: Uh, Dylan, could you make me a plate?
Dylan: If I can make a bong out of a carrot, I think I can make you a plate.

Jay: Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, get down from there! You're gonna get hurt.
Gloria: What happened?
Jay: This is why he shouldn't go to your commune. He'll fall, those hippies won't notice, and he'll be eaten alive by chickens.
Gloria: I think we have established that he can take care of himself around a chicken.

Haley: Andy, don't you think that there is a chance that you have been eating because you regret getting engaged to Beth?
Andy: Why would I do that? Beth is amazing.
Haley: Beth is a psycho who tried to light my hair on fire.
Andy: Meanwhile, Dylan is in the backyard trying to make a plate out of sticks.