Gloria: Jay, you have to get ready for Mitch and Cam's party.
Jay: Gloria, does my skin look looser to you?
Gloria: What?
Jay: Maybe I should try some of that fancy neck cream of yours. Don't you have some with specks of diamonds in it or something?

Young Men: [together] Trick-or-treat.
Gloria: You guys don't even have costumes.
Young Man #1: I'm a skeleton.
Young Man #2: And I'm--I'm a lemon.
Gloria: Aren't you too old to be trick-or-treating?
Young Man #1: Aren't you too old to be having a baby?
Gloria: Ah, you find that funny, lemon? Here's a better joke. Knock, knock. What's gone? Your candy!

Reuben: Plush utility room? Yeah, right. I know a hall closet when I see one.
Luke: And your dad never lies? What medical school did the great appliance doctor attend?

Durkas: Hey, Delgado.
Manny: Oh, no! Durkas! What I wouldn't give for this umbrella to have Mary Poppins' powers.
Luke: Oh, I pray he didn't hear that.

Durkas: Heard you pulled the fire alarm today and got us out of that test. Good job.
Manny: Thanks, Mr. Durkas.
Durkas: You know what? You don't need to call me that anymore. Anyway, we're all meeting at the playground at 8:00 and heading out, if you want to join.
Luke: [dressed as the devil] You're totally going to that.
Reuben: [dressed as an Angels player] Yeah, if you want to ruin your reputation.
Luke: You're finally gonna be in with the cool kids.
Reuben: You need to talk at the school assembly on Monday and apologize to all the teachers.
Luke: Teachers. More like public sector parasites.

Steven: Take one. I'm an egg donor. I love your costume, too, Cam. Adora-bull.
Cameron: Oh, well, thank you. It's all in fun. I half-wanted to wear something tighter. You know, I've been reducing.
Steven: I can see.
Cameron: Well, you say it like you can't.
Steven: No, no, no. I totally can.
Cameron: [unzipping] Impressive, huh?

Mitchell: Hey, Cam. I'm hearing a rumor that you keep flashing our guests.
Cameron: Oh, well, not in a perverted way. I just want people to see my body under this stupid costume.
Mitchell: That's very close to what actual flashers say.

Cameron: I'm just tired of throwing out compliments and not getting anything back. I told Roberto his spray tan looked real. Look for yourself. It's on two of our pillows and our cat.

Phil: [on the phone] Well, this night was a bust. Not a single person even Or did I speak too soon? Was someone in the mood to be a bad little ghoul? Oh, Connie, I didn't mean you. I'm- Hey, that's just- That's just the divorce talking. Hang in there. Bye-bye.

Mitchell: Well, someone decided to take a trip to fantasy island after all.
Cameron: Well, I'm tired of people not noticing my new physique. If this doesn't work, I'm breaking out the diaper and top hat and going as Baby New Year!