Season 5, Episode 8 - Aired November 20, 2013
As Claire and Jay head to a closet industry trade show, Phil gets in trouble back at Jay's house. Meanwhile, Cameron is excited to show Mitchell and Lily what life is like on the farm, until Grams makes an unexpected appearance.
Quote from Manny
Luke: New security system?
Gloria: You can see the backyard, the front door, the garage, everywhere.
Manny: Yeah, can't take any chances since mom gave birth to the Hope diamond over there.
Quote from Claire
Claire: [aside to camera] My mom was pretty self-involved, and my dad traveled a lot for work. So, yeah, I did wonder if... you know. And not that I could blame him. My friend Alison's mom greeted her every day after school with a big hug and a giant smile, and I always thought, "Yeah. Wouldn't mind a piece of that."
Quote from Jay
Jay: So, are we doing this?
Rita: I'll bring it to your room this afternoon.
[aside to camera:]
Jay: We have a little tradition at ClosetCon for rookies, which Claire is this year. We take a skeleton. We hide it in their closet. They open the door and scream, and we all have a good laugh. Can't take full credit for the idea. We stole it from Cabinetcon.
Quote from Gloria
Haley: Ugh. I'm starving. What are we gonna do about dinner?
Alex: I checked with Dad, and I ordered a couple pizzas from Theo's.
Haley: I knew it! You're stalking my pizza guy! He is not into you, okay? Does he call you "brown eyes" and give you extra mozzarella sticks?
Gloria: Okay, that's it, you two! You cannot fight over men like it's jewelry or shoes. If you're both interested, no one makes a move. Sisters before misters!
Quote from Mitchell
Cameron: Mitchell. Mitchell. Okay. W- What's this?
Mitchell: This is me ready to slop, bale, or milk something.
Cameron: You don't need to do that.
Mitchell: No, I- Cam, I-I know. I know I gave you hell for being who you really are, and I want to make that up to you.
Cameron: Yeah, but you know what? Putting on my sister's Sunday overalls is gesture enough. What's this?
Mitchell: Oh, it's my chewing straw.
Cameron: It's not straw.
Mitchell: Oh, it's just show. For show.
Quote from Frank
Luke: Here's what we've got to work with.
Phil: Nicely done. I've got Florida on the line. Dad, I'm flying you in. You're the model expert.
Frank: [over video chat] What are we looking at, son? Holy Moses. More like Apollo 1,300 pieces! In space, I guess no one can hear you be hilarious.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: All right, you know what? You- You deal with your grandmother however you want. Lily and I will just go get a hotel room.
Cameron: No, you can't.
Mitchell: Fine. Motel, silo, whatever you got around here.
Quote from Haley
Gloria: Okay, it's really in there good.
Alex: Get her off of me. I'm getting dumb through osmosis.
Haley: I don't have osmosis.
Quote from Mitchell
Grams: Well, you're a cute little Chinese thing.
Cameron: Actually, Gram, she's, uh, from Vietnam, and her name's Lily.
Lily: Dad, how long do we have to stay down here?
Cameron: Okay, well, I guess there's no way around this.
Mitchell: Ac- [southern Accent] Actually, ma'am she's my kin.
Grams: So, you got a Chinese wife, Bud?
Mitchell: No, I-I-I went to Vietnam, and I did myself some adopting, and now I'm raising her all by my lonesome.
Grams: Well, I never thought I'd live long enough to see that.
Barb: None of us did.
Grams: But I guess there's nothing more important than family, mo matter how they come.
Mitchell: Well, that is mighty open-minded of you. Some folks 'round these parts don't share that progressive - I say progressive - sensibility.
Grams: To each his own. But I do wish I had another little one like that to spoil.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: What if I told you you did have a great-grandbaby?
Cameron: It's okay, mama. What if I told you I was in love, and that I've never been happier in my entire life, and that I'm about to get married?
Grams: I can't think of anything better.
Cameron: And what if I told you the love of my life is this man standing right here?
Grams: Then I'd know why God sent us this tornado.