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Modern Family: ClosetCon '13

‘ClosetCon '13’

Season 5, Episode 8 -  Aired November 20, 2013

As Claire and Jay head to a closet industry trade show, Phil gets in trouble back at Jay's house. Meanwhile, Cameron is excited to show Mitchell and Lily what life is like on the farm, until Grams makes an unexpected appearance.

Quote from Alex

Gloria: Okay, that's it! I cannot listen to this anymore! I'm going to cut you two out of there.
Haley: No! Gloria, no! My hair!
Gloria: Too late!
Alex: Okay, okay! Just cut mine.
Haley: Yeah, cut hers! Wait. Why?
Alex: No one cares what I look like, anyway.
Haley: You don't really think that.
Alex: Yeah, well, kind of.
Haley: You didn't see the way that Chuck was looking at you?
Alex: Wait, you actually think I'm a threat?
Haley: I'm not gonna say that out loud.
Alex: Aww, that's so sweet. Well, if I ever had a boyfriend, I wouldn't trust him with you for five seconds.


Quote from Gloria

Gloria: There you go. That's it. That was easy.
Alex: Why did you wait an hour to do this?
Gloria: Why did you wait fifteen years to do that? At least this way, nothing bad happened to anyone's pretty hair. [Luke runs up behind Gloria and pulls a hair] Ay!

Quote from Claire

Jay: How was the rest of your night?
Claire: Let's see. After you bailed on me, Mark from Closetopia yakked my ear off and then told me I look like Heidi Klum, which is such an obvious come-on.
Jay: Mark's gay.
Claire: Well, in that case, my night stank.

Quote from Jay

Claire: "Get rid of Phil", what does that even mean?
Jay: It doesn't mean anything. You had just started dating. You know I was never hot on the guy. I told Rita to offer him a sales job in Texas.
Claire: I remember that, but that wasn't when we were dating. We were engaged.
Jay: Doesn't matter. Phil didn't take the job anyway. If anything, my little test proved how much he loved you. You're welcome.

Quote from Claire

Jay: I'm really sorry, but before you go storming out of here, you want to talk about a certain phone call I got from Immigration a few years ago? I had just started dating Gloria. They were acting on an anonymous tip.
Claire: It's very late. We have a very big day tomorrow.
Jay: You know, Claire, I've really come to like Phil.
Claire: I know. And the irony is, he would really love that skeleton gag.
Jay: Try it out on him. You got to take care of that thing till next year.

Quote from Jay

Jay: I did make out with Rita once about 15 years ago. Good night.
Claire: Gah.

Quote from Claire

Phil: This robe feels like butter. Yeah, I missed this, honey. That yoga's really paying off. Hey, whoa. Slow down, baby. You can't gun a cold engine. Argh! But if you're- Then who's-
Claire: When did you know?
Phil: When it didn't complain about my socks.
Claire: You checked the closet, didn't you?
Phil: Every night before bed.
Claire: I really don't understand it. It's so silly. I mean, if somebody really wanted to kill you, obviously they'd just hide under the bed. Good night. [turns light off]
Phil: Mm. Damn it. [turns light on]

Quote from Frank

Frank: Be a hero. Bring her home.
Jeanine: I guess I'll call a cab.
Frank: So long, Jeanine.

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