‘A Fair to Remember’
Season 5, Episode 7 - Aired November 13, 2013
When the family attends the annual school fair, Phil wants Claire to stick around for a big 20th wedding anniversary surprise, unaware she has planned something for him at home. Luke tries to get rid of Alex so he can spend time with her friend, Sienna. Meanwhile, Cameron is down about his football team's losing streak, and Gloria questions whether Manny's participation in the bake off is the best thing for his reputation. Elsewhere, Haley meets Andy when she sneaks in to Jay's house for a pool day.
Quote from Haley
Haley: You're bleeding.
Andy: What? I do not like blood. I do not like blood. Is it bad?
Haley: Here. Oh, my God!
Andy: What?
Haley: Your fingers are so stubby, like baby carrots.
Andy: Sure. Okay. Make fun till you need me to reach into a vending machine, then I'm everyone's best friend.
Quote from Luke
Alex: Stop!
Sienna: What?
Luke: Ignore her. Where were we?
Alex: You're the girl! You're his crush! He's being a little weirdo! Please don't judge me!
Sienna: Uh, Luke, is this true?
Luke: She's a nerd! Her friends are books! You're the best thing that's ever happened to her!
Quote from Alex
Alex: Sienna, wait! Don't be sad. You're too good for her anyways.
Luke: Yeah. Thanks, Alex.
Alex: Not you. I was talking about myself, you little gnome.
Quote from Jay
Derrick: Is it bad?
Jay: You're gonna be fine.
Derrick: Aah! I should have worn a vest.
Jay: Why is everyone just standing around?! Get this man a towel for his blouse!
Derrick: So cold. We were almost out. I didn't want it to end like this.
Jay: Don't you do that! It's not over!
Derrick: Listen to me. I need you to tell my wife what happened. Tell her it wasn't my fault.
Jay: You're gonna tell her yourself. She's standing right there, and she looks pissed.
Quote from Phil
Phil: There's a white minivan out in the parking lot with its lights on. License plate number: TCB-R2D2.
Man: Phil Dunphy, everybody.
Quote from Manny
Manny: Hey, mom. Check it out. I finished my cake.
Gloria: Oh, good.
Manny: It's Los Angeles after an 11.5 earthquake. I call it earth-cake.
Gloria: Manny, that's amazing!
Manny: You think that's amazing? Wait till I smash this thing right on top of Enid's piece of sheet cake.
Quote from Mitchell
Mitchell: Oh, well, look who finally put down his mallet. You done having your little temper tantrum?
Cameron: It wasn't that bad.
Mitchell: Cam, your behavior was completely juvenile, and I don't think that it set a very good example- Hey, hey! No cutsies! -for Lily.
Quote from Cameron
Cameron: I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated. I I can't seem to turn this team into a winner.
Mitchell: Oh, why do you let it get you so stressed out? It's just football.
Cameron: You know what football was to me? Football was my salvation. Every time I stepped onto that field, I wasn't the weird gay outsider kid anymore. I inspired my entire team because I had something to prove. Where's my kid that has something to prove?
Manny: Come on mom! Stay on my hip! Follow my lead! Move!
Cameron: That's exactly what I need.
Manny: Oh! Come on! Come on, mom.
Mitchell: Cake?
Quote from Phil
Claire: Oh oh, what's that?
Phil: 直升机. 直升机. That's the helicopter. I should get in there.
Claire: No, no, they're they're here for you. They're here for you.
Phil: Oh, honey.
Quote from Jay
Jay: Excuse me, ma'am. I hear you're a wanted woman. What you see can and will be held against you.
Gloria: You're gonna have to arrest me first. Bring me some wine.