Quinn: What happened?
Robin: So last night Nick was all like, "Barney has a point about renegotiating the terms of the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."
Marshall: Yeah, and Marshall was all like, "Uh, I want to blah, of the blah, uh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."
Quinn: If I shut my eyes it's like they're here.

Marshall: I'm just saying, you've forbidden certain things that I might like to revisit.
Lily: Marshall, you're not going on a Sasquatch hunt in Oregon with a bunch of loonies.
Marshall: Loonies? Those brave, bearded men and women are crypto-zoologists, and they deserve the respect that title commands.

Marshall: And I turned out perfectly fine.
Lily: Marshall, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast.
Marshall: I didn't put the bread in. You didn't put the bread in.

Lily: What's your ex-fiancé doing at Ted's?
Victoria: Klaus came to me a few weeks ago. Since we broke up, he lost his job, he got evicted. He's miserable.
[flashback:]
Klaus: I'm so sorry. If I could just take a quick whore's bath in your kitchen sink, then I will skedaddle.
Victoria: Oh, Klaus, I wish that there was something I could do to help.
Ted: There is, little lady. I've got a guest room. You'll stay here till you're back on your feet.
Victoria: Are you sure? This is your apartment.
Ted: Shh. Think of this as our apartment.
[present:]
Robin: Oh. Hero Ted. He loves that move.
Lily: Yeah, for about five minutes, then he gets hero's remorse.

Victoria: I'll admit, there have been a few awkward moments.
[flashback:]
Klaus: [naked] You are going to love this. This is the popular German situational-comedy, Strange Compatriots. Here we come. Ooh. Here's the thing about this show, okay? One of them is very neat und the other one is very, very neat.

Ted: It's time to give Klaus "das boot."
[Klaus sobbing in the distance]
Victoria: Klaus?
Ted: Wait, can... Can you hear us through the wall?
Klaus: [o.s.] Yes, I can hear you. I hear everything.
Ted: That's it. Klaus, get in here! For God's sake. I want you out of my apartment. You, those ferrets and all five newborns.
Klaus: Six and counting. Mama is still going. It is like a clown car.

Quinn: You know what? I'm on board with the whole prenup thing.
Barney: That's great. It's here to protect you, too, sweetie... from becoming unappealing to me.
Quinn: Actually, I made my own prenup with a little help. Ladies? Go ahead and sign. It's all pretty standard.
Arthur: This might not be the best time to ask. I'm sort of getting back in the game. [clears throat] The redhead with the baby, what's her situation?

Barney: Gentlemen, just in time.
Lily: What are you bitches doing here?
Marshall: Lily.
Lily: Oh, he's napping. It's the only time I get to go blue.

Ted: Barney texted us that you guys were ganging up on him.
Marshall: So we're just here to ensure he doesn't sign anything he'll regret.
Arthur: I'm sorry, I don't think anyone here other than me is a lawyer. [winks at Lily] A well-paid, successful lawyer.
Marshall: I'm a lawyer. Actually, we worked together for years.
Arthur: Back off, stretch, I saw her first.

Marshall: Okay, you know what? Since we're all pitching in, may I suggest a provision? In the event that you have a son, Mr. Stinson is free to play with his child however he sees fit.
Lily: How about forbidding your future husband from spiking his child into his crib?
Nick: How about a clause protecting you from having to engage in a three-way with her and whatever's on basic cable?
Robin: Oh, yeah? How about forbidding... I got nothing.