Robin: No, Marshall, you don't understand.
Ted: Robin and I went to the port authority lost and found, and there, sitting in their fridge...
Robin: Marshall Eriksen, is this your turkey?
Marshall: Yes! That's my turkey! Come here, you handsome little bastard!

Marshall: Yes! That's my turkey! Come here, you handsome little bastard!
Lily: Okay, I'm gonna go put this in the oven.
Marshall: Oh, my God. You guys are the best friends ever!
Barney: It was totally a team effort.
[Barney tries to move in on the group hug, but Ted pushes him away]

Marshall: Guys, I don't know what to say. I mean, it's Thanksgiving, but thanks just doesn't seem like enough.
Ted: Come on, buddy. You would've done the same thing for us.
Marshall: Yeah, I would, and you know why? Because I love you guys, and I'm going to show you just how much. Ted Mosby, Robin Schertbasky, I bequeath unto you the fourth slap.
[Robin and Ted gasp]
Barney: Wait, what?

Barney: No way! Nuh-uh. Slaps aren't transferable.
Marshall: Lily is the slap bet commissioner. Lil?
Lily: Slaps are transferable.
[Marshall, Ted and Robin cheer. Barney groans]

Future Ted: [v.o.] It was all set to be the best Thanksgiving ever. Until... [doorbell rings]
Lily: Are we expecting somebody else?
Future Ted: It was someone Lily hadn't seen or spoken to in three years.
Lily: Dad.

Marshall: I supported you with all of those random people, but this is your father. Okay, can't we at least just give him some turkey?
Lily: No.
Marshall: Lily, please. Come on. Please, I can't ask the guy to leave on Thanksgiving.
Lily: Oh, no, you don't have to ask. Just tell him that it's really important that he be here. And before you know it,
he'll be at a game convention in Toledo, giving your braces money to some guy claiming to be Milton Bradley.
Marshall: He was just out trying to provide for the family.
Lily: No. No, that's what my mom did by working two jobs. Marshall, that man broke my heart every single day for 20 years.
Marshall: Well, then we'll just give him some dark meat.

[Ted and Robin are gesticulating wildly as they discuss slapping Barney, who is sitting between them on the couch]
Ted: No, seriously, Robin, you should get the slap. You're a great slapper. In fact, I want to study slapping under your tutelage. I want to be your slap-prentice.
Robin: Don't sell yourself short there. Teddy. You're a slapping rock star. Your name should be Eric Slapton.
Barney: Okay, okay. Guys, this is torture. Just put me in the chair...
Ted: Slapping throne.
Barney: And get it over with!

Robin: He's all yours.
Ted: It's you, I insist.
Robin: Okay, I'll do it.
Ted: Wait, what?
Robin: I'm just saying, I'll slap him.
Ted: What, so that's just, like, the end of the discussion?
Robin: Well, you said I could slap him.
Ted: Uh,I was just being nice. If anyone's gonna slap him, it's gonna be me.
Robin: No, it's not.
[As Ted and Robin square off, Barney looks a lot more comfortable]
Barney: This is interesting.

Robin: Ted, there is an hour before the sun sets, at which point,neither one of us gets to slap Barney.
Ted: So just let me have it.
Robin: I'm the one who had the idea to call the port authority lost and found.
Barney: Oh, that's a good point. Rebuttal?
Robin: I'm the one who slipped the guy a 20!
Barney: Oh, philosophical conundrum. Idea versus execution. Please discuss at length.

Ted: I carried that huge turkey all the way up here.
Robin: I paid for cab fare.
Ted: Well, you slept with one of my best friends!
Robin: What? You said you were okay with that.
Ted: Well, I'm not!
Robin: Well, why didn't you say something at the time?
Ted: Because I'm still in love with you!
Robin: ... Do you really want to slap Barney so bad you would lie about being in love with me?
Ted: I really want to slap him, okay?