Marshall: Everyone. Before we get started, Barney, we're going to need you on the slapping throne.
Barney: Slap bet commissioner, surely tying me to a chair is a breach...
Lily: Less yappin', more slappin'.

Marshall: Ted, Robin. It's two minutes until sundown. Have you guys decided which one of you is going to get to slap Barney right in his face?
Robin: It's gonna be Ted.
Ted: What? Why me?
Robin: Last year, you got left at the altar. You lost your job. But you've come such a long way since then. I'm so proud of you, Ted. You deserve to slap someone in his face, as hard as you can.
Ted: Thanks.

Barney: Oh, this is the worst.
[Ted stands up, warms up his hand and gets ready to slap Barney. Barney winces.]
Barney: Mama!
Ted: No, Robin, look. You just went through your own breakup, and... While I know you and Barney left it on good terms, isn't there... some part of you, deep down, that wants to slap him right in his face?
Robin: There is.
Ted: I know there is.
Barney: This is basically hell on earth.

[Robin warms up and gets ready to slap Barney. He winces]
Barney: It hurts!
Robin: No, I can't do it. I can't take this from you, Ted.
Ted: No or I, you.
Barney: Thank God.
Robin: So, I'd like to make a gesture. Mickey?
Barney: Oh, no way!
Robin: I'm glad you and Lily are trying to work things out. So, to welcome you to our little family... I'd like to offer you this slap.

Mickey: Well, I feel a little weird. I just met Barney, and I don't have anything against the guy, but... how often do you get a chance to slap someone right in his face?
[Mickey stretches and gets ready to slap Barney. He winces.]
Barney: Soft!
Mickey: I'm sorry. I can't do it.
Barney: Thank God.
Mickey: Lily... I know I haven't been much of a father to you.
Barney: You are kidding me.
Mickey: So for all the ballet recitals that I missed, for all the art shows that I should've been at, for the wedding gift that I never got a chance to give to you... Princess, I give this slap to you.

Lily: Just close your eyes. It'll be over soon.
Barney: [winces] Running through a meadow.
Lily: I can't do it. Why can't I do it?
Marshall: Because this slap has done exactly what I hoped. It's brought us all closer together. And it's caused us to recognize both the frailty and the greatness in ourselves and each other.
Barney: Oh, give me a break.
Marshall: And that is why, there will be no slap today. [unties Barney]
Barney: Oh, my God. This is the best Thanksgiving...
[Marshall slaps Barney]
Marshall: That's four! So, turkey?