Marshall: Yes, your dad has made some mistakes in the past, but he's a different person now. He's moved out of your grandparents' house. He's got a job. He's paying off his IRS debts.
Lily: Wait, How do you know all that?
Marshall: ... Like, body language.

Marshall: Okay, we met for a drink last week.
[flashback to Marshall meeting Mickey at MacLaren's:]
Mickey: I miss her a ton. Little princess. She ever talk about me?
Marshall: Yeah, yeah. Like, all the time. She tells this one really sweet story about...
Mickey: So never?
Marshall: No, not a word.

Lily: You invited him?
Marshall: The guy was, like, blubbering. What was I going to do? And then, some jerk at the next table called him a sissy which I thought was totally uncalled-for.
Lily: I can't believe you, Marshall. What gives you the right to do that?
Marshall: You and I are married. And that means he's my family, too.
[Marshall goes and opens the front door]
Marshall: Mickey, come on in.
[Lily walks out]

Mickey: Ted, you better roll quickly. Your gall bladder's about to burst.

Marshall: You know, Mickey, it's been, like, half an hour. I think we should go look for Lily.
Mickey: Nah, she just needs some time to cool down. Let's finish the game.
Barney: Yeah, play another round. Best of seven!

Ted: Damn it, Robin! I've known Barney the longest. I get to slap him.
Robin: That slap is mine, Mosby. I've never slapped Barney... above the waist.

Ted: Look, I've wanted to slap Barney since the moment I met him!
Robin: You don't think that I want to slap Barney?
Ted: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! This slap was supposed to be a wonderful thing, a gift, and... Look, it's turned us against each other.
Robin: Oh, my God, you're right. This once pure fruit has turned into a poison slapple. You know what? Seriously, you take it.
Ted: Are you sure?
Robin: Slapsolutely.

Marshall: I really think that we should go look for Lily.
Mickey: Ted, gall bladder about to pop.

Ted: Okay, it's decided. Barney, come on. Get in the throne.
Barney: Are you...
Ted: Yeah, come on.
Barney: Well, I guess that is the best decision, Robin. I mean, men are stronger than women.
Ted: Don't listen to him, okay? It's been decided.
Barney: And that's what you've always wanted, isn't it, Robin? A strong man to take care of you? I mean, sure. Growing up, you were a scrapper. Playing hockey with the boys, skinning your knees on the ice. But what you couldn't tell your teammates... What you couldn't even tell yourself... Was that all you really wanted was that pretty white dress in that pretty white chapel. And at the end of that center aisle, strewn with pretty white flowers, a man to do all your slapping for you.
Robin: Let me at him!

Future Ted: [v.o.] And at that moment, Marshall gave Mickey a look none of us had ever seen him give anyone.
Mickey: What's this? What's he doing?
Ted: Did you swallow some of that paint?
Marshall: This is my "you're dead to me" look.
All: Oh.
Lily: Yeah, you know, Lily's is so much better...
Marshall: Get out of my house!