Marshall: Okay. Hey, guys, that about wraps up this whole skank conversation. Let's get back to the birthday song. Okay, Barney, your part goes like this. [singing in a low voice] She's cute She's cute She's cute

Marshall: And, hey, Robin. Hey, Robin. Robin. Your part goes like this. [singing in falsetto] And nice And nice And oh, so nice

Ted: Look, if it's such a big deal, Amanda doesn't have to be in the group photo. But I promise, she's not gonna ruin your birthday. Just give her a chance.
Marshall: See, look, guys, we're all friends again! Now let's work on those harmonies. [singing] Happy, Happy Lily Day Happy, Happy Lily Day
Amanda: All done! I hope you like it.
Lily: "Happy 42nd birthday, Lori."
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, you know how I've told you about Lily's you're-dead-to-me look? That expression she gets just before she explodes in white-hot rage? Well, this wasn't it.
Lily: [chuckles]
Future Ted: [v.o.] But this was Marshall's.
Marshall: Forty-second? Does this hot piece of ass look 42 to you? Or... Or does she look like her name is Lori?

Barney: [singing in a goofy voice] Happy, Happy Lily Day Happy, Happy Lily Day

Ted: Well, Amanda refused to come back. She thinks you guys hate her. Marshall, you have to go apologize.
Marshall: You ruined Lily's birthday, and you want me to apologize. If anything, you should apologize to me.
Ted: What are you talking about?
Marshall: Ted, you bring girls to these intimate events, and it makes them think that things are really serious. And then, when you break up with them, you know who they turn to? Me. I've been your girlfriend clean-up crew for years. [v.o.] February, 2005. I had just come back from a marathon study session at the law library.
[flashback to Marshall entering the apartment as Natalie cries on the couch:]
Marshall: Hey, hey, Natalie. Where's Ted?
Natalie: We broke up. Again.
Marshall: Uh-oh.
Natalie: Won't you sit with me for a little while? Just sit.
Marshall: Oh, man. You know what? I've been up for, like, 36 hours.
Natalie: [sobs incoherently]

Marshall: And, at first, I was completely sympathetic. But, damn it, Ted, over the years, you've made me cynical.
[flashback to Marshall comforting Natalie:]
Marshall: You know what? I'm gonna go get us some Rocky Road, and we're just gonna sit here and talk it out until it makes sense.
[flashback to Marshall comforting another of Ted's ex-girlfriends in 2007:]
Esme: I just thought we had something so special, you know?
Marshall: Me, too. Yeah, but, you know, life goes on, sweetheart.
[flashback to Marshall comforting Ted's ex in 2009:]
Rosalie: I don't know how I'm gonna put my life back together after this.
Marshall: Oh, shut up.

Ted: Well, I'm sorry my search for true love has been such an inconvenience to you guys. You know what? Maybe your precious pictures would look a lot better if I wasn't in them.
Barney: They'd look a lot better if Marshall weren't in them.
Marshall: Cheap shot. Cheap shot.

Ted: You know what these pictures are, Lily? They're a big, fat lie. They're posed. They're touched up. They're what you want our life to be, not what it is.
Lily: That's not true.
Ted: Oh, yeah? Okay. Look at this one. Halloween, two years ago. You and Marshall got in a huge fight because you didn't wanna dress up as penguins.
Marshall: No, no, no. It's not just that she didn't want to. It's that she called penguins lame. Penguins.

Ted: Oh! Robin's birthday, three years ago. Robin had a cold, and you made her change out of her pajamas for the picture.
Robin: And then you pinched my cheeks really hard to get some color in them.
Lily: Yeah, but you looked pretty.
Robin: And then we all ate chocolate cake in my bed.
Marshall: Actually, that was a really nice night.
Lily: Yeah, it was.
Ted: Yeah, I guess it was.

Lily: Hey, look at this one. This is the first picture the three of us ever took together.
Marshall: That's right. It was.
Ted: Hey, you remember how it happened?
[flashback to Ted and Marshall being photographed in their college dorm:]
Man: Okay, ready?
Ted: Wait, wait, wait. What pose should we do? Buddy cop picture?
Marshall: Oh, no, no. What about an '80s sitcom about two roommates who never agree on anything?
Ted: Mmm-hmm.
Man: Nice. Okay, one, two...
Lily: [knocks on door] Hi, Marshall. Ready for the movie?
Marshall: Um, yeah. Just a second, though, okay? We're about to make history. We're about to take our first ever roommate picture.
Ted: Yeah. Hey, why don't you get in the picture, too?
Lily: Really?
Ted: Yeah.
Marshall: Wait. What are you doing, Ted? What if we break up?
Ted: What if you don't?