Robin: [on the phone] Mom, I don't know why your phone is off. Maybe you left your charger in the pickup truck.
[title: "drives a pickup truck"]
Robin: But I need you to get here as fast possible. I know you're probably gonna want to take a hot bath when you get in.
[title: "takes baths"]
Barney: She fits in a bathtub. That's good news. Unless... Oh, God, how big are Canadian bathtubs?
[title: "may be too fat for a conventional american bathtub]

Robin: Look, guys, just seriously, don't worry about me. Just let me deal with this on my own.
Barney: I'm afraid that's not possible, Robin. Once I've accepted a challenge, it cannot be unaccepted. I will not rest until the job is done.
Lily: Oh, is that so? Then where are our diapers and samosas? Aha!
Future Ted: [v.o.] Diapers and samosas. That's a story that took place six months earlier in the fall of 2012.
[flashback to MacLaren's:]
Robin & Ted: [saluting] Major Craving For A Mojito.
Lily: Oh, God, we're back to your stupid little private joke again? Are you guys really still doing this seven years later? It's so annoying. Just stop it.
Robin & Ted: [saluting] Private Joke Again? Are You Still Doing This Seven Years Later? It's So Annoying. Just Stop It.
Lily: You don't salute a private.

Robin: There's something I have to tell you.
Kevin: Then don't.
Robin: What?
Kevin: If there's one thing I've learned as a therapist, it's that just because something needs to be told doesn't always mean it needs to be heard.
Robin: Kevin, I did something bad.
Kevin: We've all done bad things. Doesn't mean we're bad people. Look, I don't care about every detail from your past, and I hope you don't care about mine either. What I do care about is you, and that from tonight forward, you're in this as much as I am. What do you think?
Robin: I'm such a mess. Why do you even like me?
Kevin: Come here. I am constantly amazed by the things you say, entranced by the things you do. And unlike a certain Jalapeño Coconut Vodka martini, you're easy on the eyes. And if we're together long enough, I hope that one day you see yourself the way I see you.
Robin: That's a pretty good answer.

Robin: So now the best man is painstakingly handwriting 200 table cards, but my maid of honor forgot to click "send" on an Evite.
Lily: I didn't forget to invite the girls to your bachelorette party. You have no girls.
Robin: [high-pitched] What? What? What? What? L... All my girls. I gave you a list.
Lily: This list?
Robin: Yeah.
Lily: "Tall girl from work. Mouth-breather from coffee shop. Average-sized girl from that place." Ooh, sorry I didn't track her down. She sounds great.
Robin: She's actually kind of a bitch.
Lily: Face it, Robin, you hate women and women hate you.