Marshall: Ted, I've been skee ball champ here since law school. I have to pop in at least once a month to maintain my record.
Ted: Whoa, looks like you've been gone awhile. Some guy named Big Fudge has been cleaning up.
Marshall: Yeah, he has.
Ted: And you're Big Fudge.
Marshall: The biggest.

Marshall: So, by the way, I have to tell you something. I invited Jenkins.
Ted: Jenkins? No way.
Future Ted: [v.o.] We'd all started hearing about Jenkins a few weeks earlier.
[flashback to Marshall arriving at the apartment:]
Marshall: You guys will not believe what Jenkins did this time.
Ted: Who's Jenkins?
Lily: Oh, he's this hilarious new lawyer at Marshall's office.
Marshall: Hilarious! Okay, so, there's this jar of maraschino cherries in the fridge at work, so Jenkins says, "200 bucks, I'll eat the whole jar." So we give Jenkins 200 bucks, and Jenkins ate the whole jar! [laughing]

Future Ted: [v.o.] And after that, the stories kept coming.
[at MacLaren's:]
Marshall: So the CFO comes in to sign some acquisition papers. So Jenkins goes, "Excuse me, Mr. Wilcox. I think we forgot one of the documents. "
[We Jenkins get up from the conference table and suggestively grind behind behind the CFO]
Marshall: Jenkins!
[another flashback:]
Marshall: So we all go out for beers after work. Jenkins gets up on the table and starts gyrating like some sort of deranged stripper. Next thing you know, off comes the shirt. It was so gross. Jenkins.

Ted: Well, it'll be great to finally meet the famous Jenkins after all those stories.
Barney: Yeah. And there's about to be one more story. I'm gonna bang Jenkins.
Ted: What?
Barney: You heard me.
Ted: You want to have sex with Jenkins?
Barney: With Jenkins, on Jenkins, near Jenkins. You name it. I want to wear Jenkins like a sock.
Ted: You... But you're... Haven't you all... I'm... Really?
[An attractive woman comes over to the table]
Jenkins: Hey, guys.
Marshall: Ted, this is Jenkins.
Ted: Oh!

Ted: Look, this is gonna sound crazy, but I thought Jenkins was a guy.
Marshall: What? That's crazy. What gave you that idea?
Ted: I don't know, maybe the whole Jenkins-peed-out-the-window-of-a-cab story.
Marshall: Yeah. Much more impressive now, isn't it?
Ted: Yeah!

Ted: Whoa! Hold it. Hold it. Dude, if you tell me you have a thing for a woman that is not your wife, I will drag you outside and kick your ass.
Marshall: Okay, first of all, come on, buddy. You can't handle the Fudge. Second of all, no, I think of her like a big brother, who, I guess, has boobs. But so does my oldest brother, Marvin Jr.

Marshall: Anyway, that night, I told Lily about...
[flashback to Marshall and Lily in their apartment:]
Marshall: Jenkins.
Lily: Oh, I can't wait to meet him.
Marshall: [v.o.] I should have corrected her. It would have been so easy. But I didn't. So, after that, whenever I talked about Jenkins, I always avoided pronouns.
[flashback to Marshall talking to Lily and Ted in the apartment:]
Marshall: So the head of marketing comes in to choose people for the mid-west audit. So he goes, him, him, her, him, him, Jenkins, him, her...

Robin: Guys, why is that kid over there staring at me? I think I know what this is. I think it has finally happened. I'm getting recognized from my show.
Ted: Robin, that is so cute. But that's Scotty. He's one of my students, and he's looking at me. How weird is it that I'm more famous than you?
Robin: Not at all, 'cause you're not. I'm on TV.
Ted: Yeah, and I have 30 students in my class. That's what, 30 times your viewership? Now let's give Scotty a little thrill. Buying a drink for the old prof. All right, Scotter, one question about neo-classical architecture and that is it.
Scotty: You're Robin Scherbatsky, right?

Marshall: Okay. Um. I have a problem. That was my wife. When I first mentioned you, she mistakenly thought you were a guy, and so...
Jenkins: So now you're worried that once she finds out I'm a woman, she's gonna totally flip out.
Marshall: Yes, exactly.
Jenkins: Oh, jeez. Oh, gosh. Okay, okay. I was in an improv group in Pelican Rapids. Follow my lead.
Marshall: Okay.

Lily: Hi, I'm Lily, Marshall's wife.
Jenkins: [French accent] Hi, Lily. I'm from the French Embassy. I'm here because of a small but significant cheese incident that occurred.
Marshall: She's Jenkins!