How I Met Your Mother Quotes

How I Met Your Mother

In 2030, a father tells his children the story of his time in New York City before he met their mother.

Starring: Josh Radnor, Jason Segel, Cobie Smulders, Neil Patrick Harris, Alyson Hannigan, Bob Saget.
Recurring Actors: Cristin Milioti, Marshall Manesh, Wayne Brady, Frances Conroy, Chris Elliot, Kyle MacLachlan.
Original Run: 2005-2014.

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Quote from Barney in Garbage Island

Robin: You really are smitten.
Barney: No, I'm not. I'm Barney Stinson. I don't get smitten, I smite!
Robin: You are totally smitten, but you're scared of being in a relationship.
Barney: No, I'm not. I can't be anyone's boyfriend, Robin. If I got serious with Nora, it would be like if Mother Teresa focused all her attention on one really hot orphan. With great penis comes great responsibility.

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Quote from Barney in How I Met Everyone Else

Barney: There's no way she's above the line on the hot-crazy scale.
Ted: She's not even on the hot-crazy scale. She's just hot.
Robin: Wait, hot-crazy scale?
Barney: Let me illustrate. A girl is allowed to be crazy, as long as she is equally hot. Thus, if she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. If she's this crazy, she has to be this hot. You want the girl to be above this line, also known as the Vicky Mendoza diagonal. This girl I dated, she played jump rope with that line. She'd shave her head, then lose ten pounds. She'd stab me with a fork, then get a boob job. I should give her a call.

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Quote from Robin in Glitter

Robin: Okay, fine, I'll watch it with you.
Barney: Yeah!
Robin: But if either of you makes even one peep about the show being dirty, I'm turning it off. I'm serious.
[on Space Teens:]
Robin Sparkles: Hey Jessica, how's your beaver?
[in the apartment, Ted and Barney spit take]
Jessica Glitter: Great. How's your beaver?
Robin Sparkles: Busy as ever!
[Ted and Barney stifle laughter]
Robin: Our characters had pet beavers.
Ted: [giggles] Sure.
Robin: The beaver is the official animal of Canada. It's our national mascot.
Barney: It's a noble creature.

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Quote from Robin in Big Days

Robin: Well, I guess you just got to move on. I mean, it's not like you have a shot with Ready McGee over there, right? Ted?
Future Ted: [v.o.] Then I remembered. Cindy had a roommate. A roommate I only caught a glimpse of... But a roommate who, by every indication, was something very special. Was it possible? Could this be the girl attached to that ankle?
Ted: I got to see her ankles.
Robin: You're one of those? God, I swear, one in five guys...

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Quote Collections

“Barney Stinson: Suit Up”

Suit up is Barney's catchphrase to implore his friends to step up their sartorial game to match his.

16 quotes
“Have you met... Ted?”

Have you met... is a line the gang use to start conversations with potential mates for their friends. It's most commonly used by wingman Barney to introduce Ted to women.

21 quotes
“Barney Stinson and The Karate Kid”

Barney Stinson is the only one awesome enough to see that the true hero of the Karate Kid movie is Johnny Lawrence (William Zabka) from the Cobra Kai dojo.

8 quotes
“Robin Sparkles”

The story of Robin's time as a teen pop star and actress in Canada. As Robin Sparkles, she was known for songs including "Let's Go to the Mall", "Sandcastles in the Sand", and "P.S. I Love You". She also starred in a children's show, "Space Teens", with Alan Thicke.

21 quotes
“Robin and Patrice”

All the times Robin got angry at her colleague Patrice. "Sisters fight, Ted!"

12 quotes
“Barney Stinson: Challenge Accepted”

All the times Barney Stinson accepted a ridiculous challenge, usually one which he himself proposed.

18 quotes
“Barney Stinson: Legendary”

A collection of quotes featuring Barney Stinson's most notable catchphrase, "Legendary!"

27 quotes
“Barney Stinson: Wait for It”

Wait for it is one of Barney's many catchphrases, often interjected into "Legendary". At Barney's suggestion, Marshall and Lily's son, Marvin, has the middle name "Wait-for-it".

16 quotes
“Barney Stinson: True Story”

The totally true stories of Barney Stinson.

14 quotes
“Songs of How I Met Your Mother”

A collection of quotes featuring musical moments from How I Met Your Mother.

17 quotes