‘Jenkins’
Season 5, Episode 13 - Aired January 18, 2010
Marshall can't stop going on about his new colleague, Jenkins, but he has neglected to tell Lily that Jenkins is a woman. Meanwhile, Robin is delighted when she discovers Ted's students are avid viewers of her morning show.
Quote from Ted
Ted: Any questions?
Scotty: Hey, do you want to go out drinking with us tonight?
Ted: What?
Scotty: Yeah, we were gonna play the Robin Scherbatsky drinking game. We were wondering if you wanted to join us.
Ted: Well, what can I say except, "But-ums up." [silence] Can I still come? [silence] I'll pay. [murmur in agreement]
Quote from Marshall
Jenkins: There you are. I'm so sorry I kissed you yesterday.
Marshall: That's okay.
Jenkins: And I'm sorry I had sex with you in the mailroom.
Marshall: That wasn't me.
Jenkins: Oh, good grief! That's two awkward conversations I have to have today. I don't normally do that. I was really drunk.
Marshall: You were drunk at 8:00 in the morning?
Jenkins: Yeah, I don't know how that happened.
[flashback to Jenkins at a bar with colleagues watching Robin's show:]
Robin: [on TV] I thought snail pellets were safe, but, um...
Jenkins: But, um! I gotta get to work. [stumbles]
[present:]
Marshall: Man, that game is really catching on.
Quote from Lily
Jenkins: And I feel awful about it. And I'd hate myself if what I did hurt you in any way, or affected your relationship with Marshall. Please forgive me.
Lily: Kiss my husband? My husband? [punches Jenkins] Nobody kisses my future baby-daddy
but me! [dive bombs Jenkins]
Barney: Marshall, you're blocking the shot!
Future Ted: [v.o.] And kids, your Uncle Marshall never tried to make Lily jealous again.
Quote from Lily
Marshall: [answers phone] Hello?
Lily: Hey, baby, I'm on my way up.
Marshall: What? Why?
Lily: There was a measles outbreak at school and they called a half-day. Thought I'd come by here, have lunch,
maybe give you the measles?
Marshall: [high-pitched] Okay.