‘Desperation Day’
Season 6, Episode 16 - Aired February 14, 2011
Marshall is still in Minnesota looking after his mom, but when Lily visits she sees that Judy is the one taking care of Marshall. Ted and Zoey's relationship gets off to a rocky start. Meanwhile, Barney is out to hook up on February 13th - Desperation Day - but ends up meeting a woman in an unexpected way.
Quote from Ted
Ted: Listen, that was a dumb move for me to just assume...
Zoey: No, no, I overreacted. I mean, I invited you over to "bake cookies." We both knew what that meant.
Ted: We totally did.
Zoey: I just, you know... I saw those slippers in your bag, and suddenly everything felt really serious. And ever since, I've been asking myself, "Am I ready for this?" And, the answer is "yes."
[Ted and Zoey kiss]
Ted: They're actually called British morning socks.
Zoey: Yeah. Don't get in your own way.
Quote from Marshall
Lily: Um, Marshall, your mom asked me to carry this up. She turned her ankle on your Hot Wheels.
Marshall: Is my track okay?
Lily: It's fine. But, Marshall, I thought you were here taking care of your mom. It seems like she's taking care of you.
Marshall: My mom loves to feel needed. Letting her take care of me is how I'm taking care of her. She's in a dark place, Lily. She needs this. [loudly] Mom? You forgot my chocolate milk with the swirly straw!
Judy: [o.s.] Oops. Comin' right up! Ow. Ow.
Marshall: [whispers] She needs this.
Quote from Lily
Marshall: Well, baby, we could watch Predator here. No, my mom can go rent it for us after she's done digging out the car.
Lily: Marshall, your mom wants you out of here.
Marshall: What?
Judy: Anything else, sweetie?
Marshall: Mom, d-do you want me to leave?
Judy: Heavens to Bess, no! Of course not!
Lily: But, Judy, you said...
Judy: Oh, if Marshall could stay here forever, I would be the happiest mom in Minnesota. [chuckles, mouths "Get him out" to Lily]
Quote from Ted
Ted: Well, it's romantic, right? Zoey and I are getting serious on Valentine's Day.
Robin: See, that just amps up the pressure even more. Boy, it's a good thing that you're sure.
Ted: Who said I wasn't sure? I'm glad we're in a serious relationship. Right away. And if I screw this up, I'm the devil, because she's going through a divorce. But I'm not going to screw this up. So stop freaking out, Robin. Stop freaking out!
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, I'm not super proud of what I did next.
[Ted arrives in Minnesota]
Ted: Hi! I'm here to help Marshall.
Quote from Barney
Future Ted: [v.o.] Meanwhile, as Desperation Day turned into Desperation Night...
Barney: God, these girls are so hungry for male attention. It is like being a hunter and having the deer walk up, tie itself to the hood of your car and beg to get mounted.
Robin: Barney, this is Bev and Anna, uh, my coworkers and my friends. Bev, Anna, this is Barney, a high-functioning sociopath and my ex.
Barney: Enchanté. That's French for "What's with the purple?"
Quote from Barney
Robin: And we don't care about some stupid, sexist, corporate holiday.
Barney: Please! You might as well be dog-earing a tear-stained bridal magazine while wolfing down the box of chocolates you had delivered to yourself at work from your "fiancé" who no one's ever met.
Bev: Gerard is real!
Quote from Ted
Lily: Ted, I thought you were going to talk to Marshall about coming back to New York.
Ted: Yeah, but, you know, things move so fast in New York. Why not hang out here until at least after Valentine's Day? Plus, we're helping Marshall's mom. [loudly] Uh, Mrs. Eriksen, we're running low on SunnyD!
Judy: [o.s.] Is orange juice okay?
Both: No!
Quote from Barney
Barney: Okay, when your "fiancé" Gerard comes back from fixing cleft palates in Peru, [winks at Robin] maybe snatch a photo of the two of you together, and then I'll totally believe you.
Bev: Well, he's going to Kenya after Peru, so...
Nora: Hey, guys, so sorry I'm late.
Robin: Hey, Nora. Uh, Nora, this is Barney. You want to see Anna beat him in an arm wrestle?
Barney: My elbow slipped!
Quote from Barney
Barney: All right, okay. I was playing you before. But I was really doing you a public service. It's February 13, a day many are now calling Desperation Day. It's kind of a thing. And you walking around, saying you're a gooey romantic? It comes across a bit desperate.
Nora: [scoffs] What's desperate about knowing what you want? Look, life is really short, Barney. Who wants to spend Valentine's Day alone, distracting yourself from the fact that nobody loves you with some sad little activity?
Barney: Um, or you could be in the 47th Semi-Annual Laser Tag Tournament in Poughkeepsie.
Nora: I have no idea what any of those words mean.
Woman: [to Barney] Hey, I'm all stretched out!
Barney: [to Nora] Here's the first thing you need to know about laser tag.
Quote from Barney
Barney: They force their opponents to scatter, picking them off, one by one, in a swift and merciless slaughter.
And that is how Boy Scout Troop 15 became the 2010 Tri-County Champions.
Nora: Wow. Laser tag sounds brilliant!
Barney: Oh, it is. Plus, if you win, you get free pizza!