Barney: So, you were an Olympic gymnast?
Woman: Silver medal.
Barney: Ooh, sorry. Gold's the only thing that really counts.
Woman: That's what my dad said.
Barney: And she sticks the landing. Why don't you start stretching, and I'll... be right back.

Barney: Why aren't you wearing purple like your friends?
Nora: Oh, I told them I forgot, but the truth is, I'm kind of protesting their protest. Can you keep a secret?
Barney: Sure.
Nora: I love Valentine's Day.
Barney: Oh, my gosh! Me, too! Um, is it getting crowded in here, 'cause I think there are two peas in this pod?
Nora: Oh, you're a gooey romantic, too?
Barney: Guilty. This is embarrassing, but every year, I buy flowers and a box of chocolates, even if I'm not with someone. Just in case, you know?
Nora: We are pitiful.
Barney: The worst. [both chuckle]
Nora: Although there is one difference between you and me.
Barney: What's that?
Nora: I'm not saying any of this to get in your pants.

Marshall: Are you sure it's okay with Zoey that you're here for Valentine's Day?
Ted: Well, I mean, technically, she doesn't know yet.
Marshall: What?
Ted: Things with Zoey are moving really fast, and the divorce just makes everything more complicated. I just, I needed to take a step back.
Marshall: You're not taking a step back. You're running away. And hiding out here, hiding out here is not gonna
solve anything. You're just holed up in Minnesota because you're too scared to face reality, and it's... We got to go back to New York, tonight.
Ted: We're snowed in. Lily got the last flight.
Marshall: So, we drive. It's time. It's time to get back to real life. It's time to grow up.
Ted: Yeah.
Marshall: [loudly] Mom! Can you make us some PB and J's for the road?
Ted: Crusts cut off.
Marshall: Crusts cut off! No, Ted. What are we...? We're men. [loudly] Mom! Leave the crusts on!

Marvin Sr.: Here's a secret. I couldn't see worth a damn, either, buddy. I just kept driving forward, hoping for the best. Look out!
Marshall: [gasps]
Marvin Sr.: Gotcha.

Future Ted: [v.o.] My first kiss with Zoey was amazing, and complicated.
Ted: Look, um... I know you're going through a lot right now. Getting divorced, being single, figuring out who you are on your own.
Zoey: Someone knows how to set a mood.
Ted: I just mean... I'm okay taking this slow. I want to do this right.

Future Ted: [v.o.] My friends, as usual, were completely supportive.
Barney: You're doing this all wrong!
Lily: Ted, there are couples in my kindergarten class who have moved faster than you two. Granted, their home lives are not great.

Robin: Barney, Desperation Day assumes that all single women freak out about Valentine's Day. Which we do not. Case in point, I will be spending February 13 with some lovely single ladies from work...
Barney: Trolls.
Robin: ...who could care less about Valentine's Day.
Barney: Lying trolls.
Robin: And we will be celebrating the fact that we don't have to spend it with some dippy guy carting around roses and stuffed toys all night. Oh, no offense, Ted.
Ted: And none was taken until just then.

Judy: This is such a nice surprise. Marshall will be so happy.
Lily: Oh... How are you holding up, Judy?
Judy: Oh, I'm doin' okay. It gets a little lonely. My friends suggested a body pillow, but... [chuckles] I'm not a lunatic.

Marshall: Hey, Mom? I hate to be that guy, but I'm pretty sure it was Hot Pocket o'clock, like, ten minutes ago.
Lily. Lily. What are you doing here?
Lily: I wanted to surprise you.
Marshall: Oh, my gosh. That's so sweet. I'm so glad you're here. Hey, um, before I forget, Mom, did you remember to get more double-A batteries?
Judy: Oh, they're upstairs, sweetie. Right next to your washed and folded clothes.
Marshall: Oh, great, okay. I don't want my Game Boy to crap out. I'm having the sickest Dr. Mario run of my life. Okay. I'll be right back. I love you, Lily. You're the best, Mom.
Judy: Aw... Anything for my baby bear. [to Lily] Get him out of my house.

Judy: Take Marshall back to New York with you. Please, I am begging you.
Lily: I thought he was here helping you.
Judy: Well, he was, at first. But once he saw me starting to do better, he kind of regressed. He's been holed up in his room for days at a time, playing old video games. I mean, he is having a pretty sick Dr. Mario run, but... [sighs]
Lily: Uh, I'll talk to him.
Judy: I want to be there for him, but it's like he's a teenager again. I even walked in on him abusing himself.
Lily: Oh, God.
Judy: There he was, on the bed, looking at old photos of his dad. That's emotional self-abuse, don't you think?