‘Architect of Destruction’
Season 6, Episode 5 - Aired October 18, 2010
Ted is conflicted when he learns that the new GNB headquarters he's designing will mean knocking down a New York landmark. Meanwhile, Marshall is upset to learn how much women share about their sex lives.
Quote from Ted
Barney: Speaking of disappointing weenies... Ted, tell them what you told me
Ted: I want to ask the board at GNB to move the site for the new headquarters so we don't have to tear down a classic old building.
Barney: I still don't get this. Why, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, do you want to ruin... Wait a minute. Who's the girl?
Robin: Duh.
Lily: Of course there's a girl.
Ted: What? I... There's no g-girl. Why would you even... Her name is Zoey.
Barney: Boobs?
Quote from Ted
[flashback to Ted on the street admiring The Arcadian:]
Zoey: Beautiful building, right?
Ted: Look, mister, you are very convincing, and I am very flattered. Confused, even. But I'm not looking...
Zoey: I'm not a drag queen. But you definitely have me rethinking this eye shadow.
[present:]
Ted: Not only is she funny, hot and genetically female, but get this...
[flashback:]
Zoey: Look at the Palladian windows, the rusticated stonework, the marble cornices...
[present:]
Ted: She's an architecture nerd! A hot architecture nerd! That's the dream!
Barney: Whose dream?
Quote from Ted
Ted: We wound up talking for hours.
[flashback to Ted and Zoey sitting on the curb opposite The Arcadian:]
Zoey: I love how old parts of the city are. It makes me feel connected to history.
Ted: Old is always better. I can't wait to be old.
Zoey: Me, too. You can wear elastic everything. Your lipstick doesn't have to stay inside the lines.
Ted: You can shoplift and pretend you're just confused.
Zoey: You could nap anywhere.
Ted: Uh-huh.
Zoey: Even while driving. It's gonna be great. I can't wait to be all run-down and weathered and wrinkly.
Ted: Well, I'd say you got a pretty long wait.
Quote from Barney
Barney: Oh, Ted, that's so romantic. I want to fill a pillowcase with dead batteries and beat you with it.
Quote from Ted
[flashback to Ted and Zoey sitting on the curb:]
Zoey: Hey, Ted, can I ask you something?
Ted: Anything.
Zoey: Will you sign this petition?
Ted: "Save The Arcadian".
Zoey: We are gonna stop the bastards at Goliath National Bank from demolishing it.
Ted: Will you support us?
[present:]
Barney: And you said...?
[flashback:]
Ted: Where do I sign?
[present:]
Barney: Hmm. Grape scotch. Not bad.
Quote from Ted
[flashback to Ted and Zoey sitting on the curb:]
Zoey: So what do you do, Ted?
Ted: I'm a veterinarian.
[present:]
Ted: What? I panicked!
Quote from Ted
Ted: Look, we all change a little for whoever we're into. Barney pretended to be a rabbi to get laid.
Barney: Asian girls love them some Jews.
Ted: And Marshall never would've listened to The Indigo Girls if it weren't for Lily.
Lily: Um, I think you got that backwards there, Chief.
Marshall: And you're welcome.
Ted: The point is, you weren't pretending to like the Indigo Girls for the other person. You realized you liked them
because of the other person. Just like me, Zoey and The Arcadian.
Quote from Marshall
Max: So I walk into my boss's office and suddenly I realize, "Holy crap, I'm about to quit""
Marshall: [inner monologue] Small penis. You have a small penis. Oh, that's super interesting, but you have a small penis. Damn it, Marshall! Okay. Okay. Think of any two words other than "small" or "penis." Got it: small penis. Damn it!
Quote from Marshall
Robin: Yeah, I think it is so cool that you started your own law firm.
Max: Well, right now it's a pretty small practice.
Marshall: Hey, hey. I bet it's not that small.
Max: Bro, it's pretty small.
Marshall: Yeah, but, uh, you know what they say. The important thing is how you use it, you know? "The motion of the ocean." That whole thing.
Robin: He said it's small, Marshall, and everybody's fine with that. Let's just move on.
Marshall: I'm just saying that I bet it's bigger than he thinks. And thick.
Max: Nah. Everything about it is tiny. The office is tiny. The conference room is tiny. Plus, I got a very small staff.
Robin: Let's order!
Quote from Ted
Future Ted: [v.o.] As I was mustering the courage to call Zoey and tell her my true identity...
Ted: Zoey, I'm Batman. Hmm. That'd be cool.
Future Ted: The strangest thing happened.
[After a knock, Ted opens the front door to the apartment:]
Zoey: I need your help. Just to warn you. What I'm about to show you is not a hundred percent legal.
[As Zoey opens a van parked on the street outside:]
Ted: Wasn't expecting bunnies.
Zoey: I stole them, Ted. My animal rights group liberated these guys from an evil cosmetics company. And I figured, "Hey, Ted's a vet. He can check them out and make sure they're okay."
Ted: Absolutely. Just let me run up and get my bag of vet supplies.
Zoey: Okay.
Ted: [to himself] Why would I say that?