Max: Well, I know what I'm getting. Oh? Oh? The porterhouse. I've had it here before. It is like this. It's huge.
Marshall: Well, spare no expense, buddy. Dinner is on me, and-and get dessert. Maybe this molten chocolate lava cake? I just want you to be happy.
Max: Thanks, man. Next time, it is on me.

Lily: Damn, baby, be cool!
Robin: You're acting like he has six months to live.
Marshall: It's your fault! You ladies and your salty sailor talk!
Robin: Oh, come on! What about you men and your locker room talk?
Marshall: Locker room talk. Do you want to know what it's like in a men's locker room? [v.o.] It's just a bunch
of uncomfortable dudes trying to get out of there as quickly as possible. And one old guy just letting it all hang out.

Lily: Are you suggesting that guys don't talk about sex?
Marshall: Yes, we do, but you know what we say? "I hit that." "I got some." "I tapped it." "I squeezed those." Discreet and efficient.
Robin: Not to mention classy.
Marshall: Thank God that I'm not dating. If I thought that Lily talked in that much detail about our sex life, I'd probably kill myself.
[Lily and Robin try to avoid eye contact and stare at their menus instead]
Marshall: Oh, no.

Marshall: What did you tell her?
Lily: [squeaky] Oh, nothing. We don't talk about you!
Marshall: Are you sure?
Robin: Yeah. That argument has no traction whatsoever.

Ted: Wow. You're a little bit crazy.
Zoey: Well, I'm usually crazy for a good cause. I can't just sit by while voiceless people or animals, or even buildings get screwed over. I'm certainly not going to just sit by while GNB turns The Arcadian into a soulless metal box.
Ted: Yeah. Yeah. Although I hear there's a lovely rooftop patio where folks can enjoy a nice bag lunch, so...

Zoey: Ted, I will find the bastards at GNB responsible for this, and I promise you, I will take them down.
[later:]
Barney: Cuckoo! Ted, this woman is an anarchist, a sociopath, a lunatic, and for the love of God, boobs?!
Ted: Solid C-cup, perky bounce.
Barney: Momentary grudging respect.

Zoey: Hey, guys! I appreciate the great turnout, but just so we're all on the same page, this is not a rally to legalize marijuana.
Man: Oh, bummer!
Ted: Hey.
Zoey: Hey, Ted. I'm so glad you came.
Ted: Well, you really got to me the other night. I want to get involved with "Save The Arcadian."
Zoey: Great. I'll grab you a picket sign. Do you want "GNB puts the douche in fiduciary.."" ...or "It's always 4:20 somewhere"? Dudes, you forgot your signs!

Barney: Don't you get it, Ted? We're tearing down The Arcadian either way. It's a stupid old piece-of-crap, run-down, snake-infested dump!
Ted: Okay, are there or aren't there snakes?!
Barney: Who mentioned snakes?! And stop shouting! You're scaring Cottontail.
Ted: You named the rabbit?
Barney: You took longer to get here than I thought, we bonded, I'm keeping her.

Ted: Listen, Zoey, I think we can save The Arcadian. No. Maybe not in the way you were picturing, but I stayed up all night working on a new concept, all right? What if my design could incorporate The Arcadian's facade into the new GNB headquarters?
Future Ted: [v.o.] Kids, it was one of those moments in life where everything comes together... the girl, the building, everything, until...
Ted: Are you married?
Zoey: Yeah. So you were saying, the facade will be completely preserved?
[flashback:]
Ted: This isn't about the girl. It's about the building.
[present:]
Future Ted: Yeah, it was about the girl.

Future Ted: [v.o.] And as for Zoey, it was funny. I'd lied to her, then completely let her down. And I barely knew the girl. But there was something about her. I couldn't help but wonder if I'd ever see her again.
[An egg hits Ted's apartment window
Zoey: [over bull horn] Hey, Mosby! You're gonna have to come out of your hole at some point, you son of a bitch!
Man: Yeah! Legalize it!
Zoey: Dude! Ready. Aim. Fire!
Future Ted: Why, yes. Yes, I would see her again.