Emily: Diners are generally so filthy. I'm sure yours isn't, but the horror stories you hear. I read that one in Vermont got caught serving roadkill. Do you know what that is?
Luke: Uh, yeah, it's, uh, dead animals from the street.
Emily: From the street, from the backyard, fished out of pools. These diners find it and serve it. Again, probably not yours. But the fact that this place got away with it at all is astounding. I guess people who frequent diners don't look too closely at what they're eating out of self defense.
Luke: We don't serve roadkill at my place.
Emily: Well, good for you. I had a friend who ate at a diner once and the next day she dropped dead. Her family considered suing the place but there's nothing to get from these people. A couple of stools and a toaster. But they were sure it was a matter of hygiene and they eventually drove them out of the state. I don't want to tell you what they found when they moved the stove. Would you like another beer, Luke?

Lorelai: I wasn't hiding it.
Emily: You jumped on Rory when you thought she told me. You were hiding it.
Rory: She did not jump on me, Grandma.
Lorelai: Yeah, and I wasn't hiding it. The only reason I reacted to Kirk the way that I did is that he's not in this world, he's in my other world. It's as if I, out of the blue, told you I was having tea with Mrs. Van Uppity.
Emily: Who?
Lorelai: Hortense Van Uppity, tight bun, lace collar, tiny poodle fictional friend?

Lorelai: Come on, babe. You'll feel better about halfway home.
Luke: Good.
Lorelai: Then the eye-popping nausea will hit you. The rich food mixes with the bitter memories and it all gets worse, and then it gets better.
Luke: Good.
Lorelai: Until you get to Route 44, and then you hit bottom.
Luke: Good. Great.
Lorelai: I'll be ready with a tongue depressor to keep you from swallowing your tongue. I keep them in my purse. Step up.

Luke: [on the phone] And he wants to shave me.
Lorelai: Shave what?
Luke: I don't know, he just kept talking about shaving me, and I'm tipsy. We hit the club bar, and I didn't want to sound dumb and just order a beer because it's nitwit juice, so I had what your dad was having which was whiskey something, more whiskey than something, let me tell you, 'cause I can't even see straight.
Lorelai: Aw, you poor thing.
Luke: And I've got an art dealer now.
Lorelai: No!
Luke: I'm driving to Manhattan next week to look at some Diebenkorns. What's a Diebenkorn?
Lorelai: I don't know.
Luke: Oh, and I bought some golf clubs, they cost the same as a car.

Luke: Golf isn't my thing, you know. It's definitely a thing, but not my game.
Richard: Well, what is your main hobby?
Luke: Uh... Give me a hobby, quick.
Golf Caddy: Uh, reading.
Luke: Reading. I read like crazy.
Richard: Wonderful! What have you been reading lately?
Luke: Uh... books. You know, this, that. Dick!
Richard: Pardon me?
Luke: That Dick guy, science fiction guy, Dick something, something Dick. I just read one of his.
Richard: Well, I'll bring Dick up on the internet, see what comes up.
Luke: Wish I could remember that name.

Emily: Kirk told me.
Rory: Kirk?
Lorelai: Kirk who?
Emily: How many Kirks do you know?
Lorelai: My Kirk? Stars Hollow Kirk? Kirk who hasn't started shaving yet, Kirk? How did you find out from him?
Emily: I called the inn looking for you, and Michel answered, but he was in the middle of some argument with the horse veterinarian. Then there was a cracking sound and the phone went dead. Then there was another man's voice saying "hello".
Lorelai: Kirk?
Emily: Bob.
Lorelai: The gardener?
Rory: More twists than Oh Henry.
Emily: He told me something in a heavy Spanish accent, all while Michel was yelling at the vet in French.
Lorelai: I leave and the U.N. erupts.
Emily: Then Kirk came on. He was there delivering something. And when I told him I was looking for you, he told me you were probably at your boyfriend Luke Danes' house. Now, why were you hiding it from me?

Lorelai: Don't worry, I'm going to do whatever it takes to get us out of this. I promise.
Luke: Why?
Lorelai: What do you mean, why?
Luke: Let's just do it, get it over with. Meeting the parents comes with the territory. We can't put it off forever.
Lorelai: Oh, yeah? My fourth grade teacher wanted a meeting with my parents. She was hit by a bus six years ago. Never got the meeting.

Emily: "Opiate of the masses." Well, so what? We all have our opiates. For some, it's ballet. For Luke, it's baseball. Whoever I heard say it just happened to say it about what Luke likes.

Lorelai: She's insulting you!
Luke: No, she's not. Your mom's being great.
Lorelai: What? Were you in the room? Did you not hear the awful things she said?
Luke: What did she say?
Lorelai: "Rustic diner"? Rustic?
Luke: So?
Lorelai: Backhand slang for crap pile.
Luke: Or she was admiring its vintage feel.
Lorelai: Oh, what was the other word she used?
Luke: Charming?
Lorelai: Ah, slang for doggie poopy.

Lorelai: Oh, I'm late.
Emily: I know.
Lorelai: Blame the insane people driving in front of me. They had a "honk if you love to scuba dive" bumper sticker on the back of their car, so I honked.
Emily: You don't scuba dive.
Lorelai: Yes, but I've been testing people who have "honk" bumper stickers lately to see if they really want people to honk. Guess what? They don't. I lay on my horn, and this alleged scuba diver slows to a crawl in front of me just out of revenge, and I'm screwed.
Emily: You need a hobby.
Lorelai: Yes, actually.