Emily: Hey, what happened?
Lorelai: She honked.
Rory: Oh, another bumper sticker test.
Lorelai: I just thought up a great idea for a reality show. You pull people over who have those "honk if you love whatever" bumper stickers, you kidnap them, and you make them do whatever the bumper sticker says they like to do, whether they do it or not. And then you make them eat bugs.

Emily: You have a gentleman friend of significance.
Lorelai: Rhett is my gentleman friend, yes.
Emily: So it's only proper that you introduce him to your mother. Unless he's insignificant. I don't want to meet a passing ship. That's a waste of my time. Is Luke a passing ship? Is he insignificant?
Lorelai: No, he's not.

Rory: Honk if Emily Gilmore views your mind as her personal playground.
Lorelai: Honk, honk.

Lorelai: How dark is it?
Luke: How dark is what?
Lorelai: The cumulus nimbus hovering over my head. The black cloud. Was that a drop?
Luke: What are you talking about?
Lorelai: I have some very bad news.
Luke: What?
Lorelai: My mother is insisting on having dinner with us.
Luke: That's it?
Lorelai: Did you hear what I said? Mother, dinner, us? That's on a par with car, test, crash test dummy.

Luke: This is a house?
Lorelai: This is a house.
Luke: What a waste! See, this is what causes peasants to revolt. This is how heads end up on pikes.
Lorelai: Open with that. That's a great icebreaker.

Lorelai: Now, listen, I want you to be careful about your consumption of booze.
Luke: I'm not going to drink too much.
Lorelai: No, no, no. You've got it backwards, there, Pablo. Ride the pink elephant, baby, 'cause it's your only defense against Emily Gilmore unless you're packing a Kalashnikov.
Luke: Shouldn't we ring the doorbell or something?
Lorelai: Oh, a little strategy. Here's the front door. We're here. Drink cart's here. It's knock, knock. Open the door. "Hi." "Hi." Turn left, veer right, past the couch, we're at the booze. Any questions?
Luke: Uh, yeah. Shouldn't you get a massage or something?
Lorelai: Take off your coat.
Luke: It's cold.
Lorelai: No, it's time consuming. Roll it in a ball and have it ready to hand off to the maid.

Lorelai: Wait, wait, what was the beer thing? Oh, my God!
Luke: That was nice. I wanted beer, she was considerate enough to anticipate that that
might be the case.
Lorelai: The word beer, backhand slang for nitwit juice.
Luke: You're reading way too much into this.
Lorelai: Excuse me, but I would defer to the Gilmore expert here. I am the oracle. I carry all the knowledge.

Emily: So, you're recently divorced?
Luke: Uh, yeah, I guess. Although, it depends on what you'd call recently.
Emily: In the last year? You've been divorced in the last year? That would be recent.
Luke: Uh, uh, yeah. Yes.
Emily: Terrible, the divorce rate, isn't it?
Luke: Yes, it's terrible.
Emily: I'm sure it was inevitable in your case.
Luke: Turned out that way.
Emily: I hope there weren't children.
Luke: No.
Emily: Divorce destroys children. But, without children, you're only harming yourself. Of course, nowadays people get married for fun. Apparently there's nothing good on TV.

Emily: Oh, no. Some workman has left his filthy truck in our clean driveway. Richard must have sent for him.
Luke: Oh, that's mine, actually.
Emily: Oh. Well, it's nice. Rustic. I like the color.
Luke: Thank you.
Emily: And I like this coat of yours, there's something nice about simple cloth.
Luke: Thanks.
Emily: Well, this was wonderful. Don't be a stranger, all right?
Luke: I won't. Thank you, Emily.

Luke: You know what's amazing? I mean, truly amazing.
Lorelai: What?
Luke: She never said anything directly bad about me or the diner or anything else concerning me.
Lorelai: She's good.
Luke: And all I did was thank her. Over and over. She'd hammer me, and I'd thank her.
Lorelai: It's a talent.
Luke: "Rustic" really did sound like crap pile that time.