Lorelai: Mail!
Rory: Mail!
Lorelai: Hurry up! Where are your shoes?
Rory: I'll get 'em later.
Lorelai: No, get 'em now.
Rory: Why?
Lorelai: Why? Because if your Harvard acceptance letter is in that batch of mail and you do not have shoes on, we can't run off immediately and celebrate. All of our happiness will be on hold until you come back inside and put on your shoes. Is that what you want to put a hold on happiness?
Rory: What's the difference if we wait then or we wait now?
Lorelai: Because we are not happy now.
Rory: Right, okay.
Lorelai: No laces, just get 'em on your feet. Let's go!

Kirk: Good morning, ladies.
Lorelai: Is there an envelope in there?
Rory: A big envelope, not a little envelope.
Lorelai: Yeah, a big envelope means she's in, a little envelope means she needs to marry rich.

Kirk: Just one second, please.
Rory: Aren't you supposed to go through the mail before you get here?
Kirk: Some work that way. Personally, I think it takes the spontaneity out of the job.
Lorelai: Need some help?
Kirk: Sorry, federal law prohibits it.
Lorelai: Any chance you could go faster? Yeah, you got a girl's future in that sack of yours, Santa.
Rory: Thank you for adding the Santa.
Lorelai: Any time.

Lane: It's getting frustrating. I mean, there's so many great songs that have been written post-Cobain, but try and convince Zach of that. I mean, he's impossible, stubborn, and just a tad intellectually challenged, in case you haven't noticed.

Rory: Mom's a little crabby this morning.
Lorelai: I'm not crabby, I'm very, very ill.
Rory: With allergies.
Lorelai: Deadly allergies.
Rory: Sorry, didn't mean to minimize your condition. Should we make funeral arrangements now?
Lorelai: Yes. But make sure you can get your money back in case this stuff works.
Rory: Where did you get those?
Lorelai: Found 'em in your room.
Rory: These expired in '98.
Lorelai: So, what, I should take four?
Rory: Yes, that's exactly my point.

Lorelai: How come Nicole gets three salads and I still get a no?
Rory: Because Nicole is his girlfriend.
Luke: Nicole is not my girlfriend, Nicole is the woman that I am dating, that's it.
Lorelai: So what happens when you guys get serious, the whole place goes soy?

Rory: Hey, Brad, good to have you back. How was Broadway?
Brad: It was great, but Nathan Lane is a very bitter man.
Rory: I've heard that.

Paris: Well, Gilmore, I certainly hope you're signing up, too. It'll be my last chance to trounce you with anything at this school.
Rory: My decision to do this will in no way depend on you, Paris.
Paris: I'm only saying it won't be a totally satisfying victory just beating Jerome Robbins and the rest of the losers here. I'd really like to take you down also.
Brad: Boy, she is really up on her theater references.

Sookie: This is outrageous. I am beyond offended. Did you tell them I'm beyond offended? Sending my food back? That's it, get their names, they're never eating here again.
Waiter: Okay.
Sookie: Wait, what wine was he drinking?
Waiter: 1952 Chateau Petrus Bordeaux.
Sookie: Hmph. Okay, never mind.
Lorelai: Hey, is everything okay?
Sookie: No, we have got to have a better screening system for customers here.
Lorelai: Yes, we do, since we currently have no screening system for customers here.
Sookie: They sent it back. My food. My four star, "you haven't lived 'til you've eaten there, says Ruth Reichl", food.

Lorelai: What did they say was wrong?
Sookie: You name it. Too salty, too hot, too sewer-y.
Lorelai: Honey, calm down. Some people are just stupid.
Sookie: Yes, they are stupid, and stupid people have stupid friends, and they all have to come here and be stupid together.
Lorelai: Okay, now, don't be mad at me, but I have to ask this. Are you sure there's nothing wrong with the food?
Sookie: Of course there's nothing wrong with the food. You don't think that I would know if something was wrong with my food? You don't think that I tasted every last dish that was sent back. I tasted it, Manuel tasted it, Rico tasted it, Louella tasted it. We all tasted it and it tastes fine.