Rory: If I had known sports were so much about eating, I would've come to a lot more of these.
Lane: I know. There's something deeply satisfying about watching other people exercise while eating junk food.

Kirk: Ten minutes 'til the next period, ladies and gentlemen. That's what we call them in hockey – periods, not halves. Let's try to keep that straight. Also, the puck is never referred to as a ball, not according to the book. Again, my bad.

Taylor Doose: Oh, the Dooses have been the backbone of Stars Hollow High hockey for years. I, myself, was the goalkeeper for our team in the last regional finals.
Lorelai: I did not know that.
Taylor Doose: Oh, yes. I was responsible for the game-winning goal.
Luke: So the puck just ricocheted off your head and into the net?
Taylor Doose: Still counted.
Luke: For God's sake, I was making a joke. You really got pucked in the head?
Taylor Doose: No, I was making a joke, too. Lorelai, just one more... [Lorelai and Rory run out of the diner] What a disgrace, making that poor sick girl run.
Luke: Wow, you can see the dent.

Emily: That was your mother, Richard. She just wanted to make sure that all our towels are Egyptian cotton.
Richard: Well, it's a simple question.
Emily: It's her fortieth simple question of the day.
Richard: Well, she's going to be staying with us, Emily. She just wants to know she'll be comfortable.
Emily: Yes, because we usually give our guests the towels we've stolen from the Holiday Inn.

Rory: So, how's Gran doing?
Lorelai: Yeah, does she miss London?
Emily: Not half as much as I do.
Richard: Emily.
Emily: I never really truly appreciated the Atlantic Ocean before. Three thousand lovely miles of water.
Richard: You are talking about my mother.
Emily: I know that, Richard.

Rory: Then I spent about forty minutes cleaning out my hard drive. You would not believe the amount of junk that accumulates. Old files, things you've downloaded but never opened. It really slows down your CPU.
Lorelai: Oh, yeah, I hate a slow CPU.
Rory: Then, all of a sudden, I looked down and I saw all this hair and dust between the keys of my keyboard.
Lorelai: So, naturally, you cleaned your keyboard.
Rory: Yes, and I'll tell you, it was a strangely satisfying experience.
Lorelai: Uh-huh. One question. During this time that you watched TV, did homework, proofread articles for The Franklin, organized my sock drawer, returned emails and gave a much needed cleaning to your computer, did it ever occur to you to call him?
Rory: No.
Lorelai: Why?
Rory: Because he said he'd call me.
Lorelai: Right. Okay, so then I'm guessing you're not gonna mention anything to him about your extremely productive evening alone when you see him either.
Rory: Why should I?
Lorelai: No reason I can think of.

Lorelai: Okay, for starters, I think you have to realize something. You were really lucky with Dean. He was an exceptional first boyfriend, and you got spoiled. Most of us didn't have first boyfriends like Dean. Most of us had first boyfriends like Brian Hutchins.
Rory: Brian Hutchins?
Lorelai: [sighs] Seventh grade, I'm sitting in the library, walks up, asks me to go steady. I say yes. He walks away and I don't see him again until the tenth grade when he tries to sell me a dimebag at the Sadies Hawkins Day dance. And he was way overcharging for it, too.
Rory: That's demented.
Lorelai: That's what most of us had to put up with. Where do you think the Susan Faludi's of the world came from?
Rory: So, you're telling me this is just the way it is, and I have to get used to Jess not calling when he says he will?
Lorelai: No, I'm saying you just have to realize that every guy is different. Give Jess a chance to explain before you freeze him out.

Luke: Finally, two people who don't give a damn about hockey.
Lorelai: Oh, someone's testy.
Luke: Well, just look at these dippy people with their buttons and their pennants. You'd think the town had never been in a semi-regional playoff before.
Rory: But hasn't it been like forty years?
Luke: Yeah, for the hockey team, yeah. But back when I was on the track team, we went to state three times in four years and won it twice. Think they made buttons and put up banners? They couldn't care less.
Lorelai: Well, Luke, that's because track is for dorks.
Rory: Yeah, it's true. I'm sorry.
Luke: Okay, the conversing part of this morning is now over.

Jess: I just said I'd call her after work.
Lorelai: And did you?
Jess: I had to work another shift, I didn't get off until midnight. It was too late to call.
Lorelai: And you couldn't have taken two seconds at work to call and tell her that?
Jess: No.
Lorelai: Really? You don't get breaks? Do you get food, water? Should I get Michael Moore on the phone?
Jess: Whatever. I gotta unload some boxes.
Lorelai: Nice talking to you.

Lane: See, I knew once my mom found out Dave was part of a Christian trio, it was only a matter of time before she booked him to play at one of her prayer meetings.
Rory: It's perfect. Now your mom's gonna get to know the whole band.
Lane: Not just get to know them, but love them the way she loves Dave.
Rory: Your mom loves Dave?
Lane: She said he's a righteous young man who's proven he can be trusted around antique furniture. In her book, that's pretty close to love.
Rory: Oh, sure.