Lorelai: Hey, um... So I-I told him.
Sookie: Told who what? Told him that?
Lorelai: Yeah.
Sookie: Are you saying you told Luke about Christopher?
Lorelai: Yes. What did you think I was talking about?
Sookie: I don't know. I'm hoping there's something that I forgot. Like maybe you were debating on whether or not to tell Kirk the difference between antiperspirant and deodorant.

Rory: I'm so sorry your honeymoon was such a bummer.
Lane: On, like, the fourth day, Zach got so paranoid that Pedro and his friends were talking lasciviously about me in code that he lunged at Pedro - leapt at him from behind the door. Luckily, Zach was so weak from parasites that he missed - just flopped to the kitchen floor Like he was a pancake someone threw across the room.
Rory: People throw pancakes?
Lane: I just stared at him lying on the floor and thought, "I just married that man."
Rory: And you didn't squeal for joy.
Lane: Nope. I went into the other room and stared at Pedro's poster of Spuds McKenzie hanging 20 and ate my 20th saltine of the day.

Rory: So sex with Zach was bad?
Lane: Unbelievably bad.
Rory: Every time?
Lane: [chuckles] Yeah, right. Every time.
Rory: You only did it once.
Lane: That's right, and I'm out.
Rory: Well, the first time can be weird. I mean, my first time definitely had its weird aspects, but it gets better. It gets good.
Lane: Um, sorry. I just don't believe you.

Rory: Um... okay. You have to walk me through what happened. I mean, not graphically, but help me out here.
Lane: Okay. So we decided that, for our first time, since it was such a big deal and everything, since we've been waiting and waiting and - God, if I'd known what it was going to be like, I would have gladly kept waiting. But anyway, we decided to re-create the scene in From Here to Eternity.
Rory: Wow. Ambitious. Sex on the beach.
Lane: Anyway, the whole thing was a disaster. Because you know what movies don't tell you? That sand is basically dirt. It was dirty. It was cold. My hands were shaking. And I'm trying to remember stuff from school about condoms and bananas. And then suddenly I realize, we got crabs, live ones that are scuttling all over us. And Zach starts freaking out because, apparently, he's afraid of shellfish. And it's getting colder and dirtier. And at some point, this pervert with a snorkel mask appears out of nowhere. And I'm thinking, "We took three buses from Pedro's apartment for this."
Rory: Oh, Lane.
Lane: Yeah, just talking about it makes me feel sick and queasy.
Rory: Well, you are sick and queasy. You have a parasite.
Rory: But, okay. Once you feel better, you really should try sex again indoors in a bed.
Lane: I'm open to the idea of a sexless marriage. I mean, it happens for some people, eventually. Why wait?
Rory: Try a bed first. Seriously. You would not believe what a comforter can do in this kind of situation.

Lorelai: You are honestly asserting that you like the "Tootsie-Roll marshmallow Twizzler" roll better than the "Butterfinger Junior Mint chocolate-chip Jujube" roll?
Rory: Call me crazy, but I just don't think Butterfingers go with Jujubes.
Lorelai: Crazy. The limitations of your palate astound me.
Rory: Hey, I liked the "Oreo Red Hot" sashimi.
Lorelai: Me too.
Rory: See, I'm not a hater.
Lorelai: Did you notice how the red hots acted as a dessert-sushi wasabi?
Rory: I did, which is something we should remember when we go to mass-market these.
Lorelai: I'm telling you, the invention of dessert sushi is gonna make us our first million.
Rory: And our second.
Lorelai: I'd like our third to be go-go dancing.
Rory: Sounds like a plan.

Rory: You know, I'm really not following this plot.
Lorelai: Okay, um in the last scene, there was a sign that said, "No shirt, no shoes, no service." And this guy, shirtless guy, is angry about that. Angry. And he's like, "No, I'm not gonna wear a shirt! I hate shirts!" And that really pissed those other guys off. Hey, you know what would be amazing and really Asian? Fried ice cream.
Rory: Oh, cows must envy your stomach.
Lorelai: They do.
Rory: I'm so full, I can't move. I feel like one of those cats that's bred to have no legs.
Lorelai: Oh, don't get me wrong, my stomach's ready to explode. This is not a physical hunger. It's more of a spiritual hunger.
Rory: For fried ice cream.
Lorelai: Yeah. It's an Eastern-philosophy thing. You wouldn't understand.

Lorelai: I'm not perfect, okay? People make mistakes. I mean, Gwyneth Paltrow dyed her hair that dark brown. It was very unflattering. If she's not perfect, how do you expect me to be?
Rory: Yeah, because what you did is equivalent to dying your hair. That's great.

Lorelai: I love that Dad's been good and that things with you and Dad have been good. I... I was hurting. I was heartbroken. And... it happened. I slept with your dad. It's over now, and it was a mistake.
Rory: I can't believe you didn't tell me this. I mean, first of all, you say you don't want to talk. So I figure you're going through some hard emotional time and you need some space. That's fine. But what you didn't tell me is that you slept with Dad. No, instead you're going around joking about, you know, origami and marshmallow sushi, like I'm some idiot 5-year-old.
Lorelai: Rory, I was gonna tell you. I just wanted-
Rory: You know what, Mom? If you're heartbroken, you rent An Affair to Remember, you have a good cry, and drown your sorrows in a pint of ice cream. You get a hideously unflattering breakup haircut. You don't sleep with Dad.

Lane: I guess the combination of salt water and seaweed and discount Mexican condoms and terrible, terrible sex leads to a baby.
Rory: A baby.
Lane: A baby. Sex sucks so bad. Sex sucks worse than I thought.
Rory: You only did it one time, and... Wow, a baby.
Lane: That's what you get, folks, for making whoopee.

Luke: I know I was a jerk. I was just mad.
Lorelai: I was the jerk. I was such a jerk.
Luke: I'm not mad anymore. Well... That's not true, but I won't be, you know, eventually. Really.
Lorelai: Yeah?
Luke: Yeah.
Lorelai: Okay.
Luke: It's not your fault. It's not my fault. It's just, we're not right together, you know? You're you, I'm me. I just want to stop pretending we're something else. I mean, you don't belong with me. You belong with someone like Christopher, and I just... Let's just stop fighting it, okay? And you go back to being Lorelai Gilmore. And I'll go back to being the guy in the diner who pours your coffee.
Lorelai: My hand's getting cold.
Luke: Okay.
Lorelai: Okay.