Rory: Um... okay. You have to walk me through what happened. I mean, not graphically, but help me out here.
Lane: Okay. So we decided that, for our first time, since it was such a big deal and everything, since we've been waiting and waiting and - God, if I'd known what it was going to be like, I would have gladly kept waiting. But anyway, we decided to re-create the scene in From Here to Eternity.
Rory: Wow. Ambitious. Sex on the beach.
Lane: Anyway, the whole thing was a disaster. Because you know what movies don't tell you? That sand is basically dirt. It was dirty. It was cold. My hands were shaking. And I'm trying to remember stuff from school about condoms and bananas. And then suddenly I realize, we got crabs, live ones that are scuttling all over us. And Zach starts freaking out because, apparently, he's afraid of shellfish. And it's getting colder and dirtier. And at some point, this pervert with a snorkel mask appears out of nowhere. And I'm thinking, "We took three buses from Pedro's apartment for this."
Rory: Oh, Lane.
Lane: Yeah, just talking about it makes me feel sick and queasy.
Rory: Well, you are sick and queasy. You have a parasite.
Rory: But, okay. Once you feel better, you really should try sex again indoors in a bed.
Lane: I'm open to the idea of a sexless marriage. I mean, it happens for some people, eventually. Why wait?
Rory: Try a bed first. Seriously. You would not believe what a comforter can do in this kind of situation.