Rory: And, already, you are way ahead of a lot of people as far as parenting skills go. Like Britney. Britney Spears does not know which end of a baby goes up. And Courtney Love? She's no June Cleaver.
Lane: Yeah, I bet I could be a better mother than Courtney Love.
Rory: My sock drawer could be a better mother than Courtney Love. But, yes, of course you would be. And Michael Jackson. You know not to name a child "Blanket."
Lane: I do know that. Do not name your baby after an inanimate object.
Rory: See? Way ahead of the pack.
Lane: Yeah. Hey I wonder if Blanket ever met Tom and Katie's baby, Pillow.
Rory: Yeah, that would be a perfect playdate.
Lane: Yeah, when it's nap time, they would be totally set.
Rory: And then they could invite Gwyneth's Apple over afterward for a little snack.
Lane: Banjo, Rachel Griffiths' baby, could play for them.
Rory: And then they could all jump in Mia Farrow's Satchel and make fun of, uh... what's his face?
Lane: Oh, Pilot Inspektor Lee.
Rory: Yeah. [both chuckle]

Rory: So why'd you get up so early?
Lorelai: Mm, well, couldn't sleep. And, initially, I was at a loss. I mean, how would I pass the time until my one and only offspring, the fruit of my loins-
Rory: Too early.
Lorelai: ...loin fruit that she is, straggled out of bed to grace me with her presence? But then I asked myself, "W.W.T.B.F.C.D.?" And it came to me in a flash. "I'm gonna make waffles."
Rory: "What would the Barefoot Contessa do?"
Lorelai: Exactly.
Rory: Barefoot's one word.
Lorelai: Shut up, loin fruit.

Kirk: It's a diner, Luke.
Luke: A diner called Kirk's?
Kirk: It's the name my mother gave me. Top you off there, Jake?
Luke: Why are you doing this?
Kirk: I just saw a need, and I filled it. Seemed to me Stars Hollow was in want of a real neighborhood joint, a watering hole where the townsfolk could mingle, a place where a fella could come and get a piece of pie, a cup of arbuckles', and a soupcon of small-town charm.
Luke: Yeah, well, Stars Hollow has already got that place. It's right across the street. It's called Luke's. Luke's. Ring any bells? Sounds a little like Kirk's, doesn't it?
Kirk: Luke, if you are suggesting that you were the very first person to ever think of naming a restaurant after yourself, I think that Denny Arby, and Tony Roma might have something to say about that, not to mention Mr. Chuck E. Cheese.
Luke: Chuck E. Cheese? Chuck E. Cheese is not a person.
Kirk: Luke, do you think a giant mouse opened a national restaurant franchise by himself?

Lane: You can drop the act, Rory. It's okay. I've known the real deal about Santa Claus for years. And now I know about sex.
Rory: Lane.
Lane: You know what's funny? I really thought my mother was being an insane prude when she said that sex was horrible for women. But now I can see that, in fact, my mother was the only woman who wasn't willing to maintain this ridiculous, pervasive, media-supported charade.
Rory: What ridiculous, pervasive, media-supported charade?
Lane: That sex is normal. That sex is a wonderful part of life. That sex is sexy. I mean, can we just not admit it? Sex is not sexy. Sex is horrible.
Rory: Sex doesn't have to be horrible.
Lane: In a way, I'm impressed with the depth of the conspiracy. If you think about it, it says something about the potential power of women that the entire gender could collude in creating the "sex is sexy" myth.

Lorelai: So, finally, we will conclude our journey with some fortune cookies and dessert sushi.
Rory: Dessert sushi. I do love Asia.
Lorelai: And that will be followed by an educational video, which includes, but is not limited to, Bridge on the River Kwai, The Joy Luck Club, Karate Kid, Shanghai Surprise, the Bruce Lee classic Enter the Dragon, the Tom Selleck classic Mr. Baseball, and/or Breakfast at Tiffany's.
Rory: Breakfast at Tiffany's?
Lorelai: Yeah, starring Mickey Rooney in his tour-de-force racist performance as Holly Golightly's Japanese landlord.
Rory: Oh, yeah, he's so bad.

Lane: It's just one false move, one misstep, and I'll ruin it. I'm still making mistakes, Rory. Example A) I'm pregnant. I can't be making mistakes when I'm a mother. I'm not the person I need to be to be able to do this. I'm not perfect yet. I'm so not perfect.
Rory: You don't have to be perfect. I mean, even Gwyneth Paltrow makes mistakes, like Shallow Hal and that other movie that nobody saw where she played a stewardess. So who's perfect? Nobody. Not even mothers.

Rory: You're going to be a great mother.
Lane: Maybe someday, but not now. I have a picture in my head of me as a mother. You know, I can imagine it, and in that picture, I'm wearing a skirt and heels, and my hair is up in a bun. And I'm pushing one of those really fancy British baby carriages that are called Silver Surfers or something.
Rory: Very Madonna in her British-mommy phase.
Lane: When I'm a mom, I'll be calm and wise and have my act together. I am not calm and not wise, and I really, really don't have my act together.
Rory: You don't have to wear heels and push a pram to be a mother.
Lane: A pram! See? I didn't even remember the word pram. Mothers know the word pram.
Rory: Mothers don't have to know the word pram.
Lane: Yes! Yes, they do! They have to know all sorts of things. They have to know what to do when your baby is crying and how to change a diaper. And how to use your wrist to test if the bottle is too hot. Why the wrist? I don't know. I have no idea.
Rory: I think because it's handy, no pun intended, and it's sensitive. Wrists are sensitive.

Rory: I mean, he needs time to adjust and focus and learn the lay of the land. I mean, it's good that he's trying to be a grown-up, you know. So now I'm trying to be a grown-up. So why am I gonna get all pouty because I don't get to do it?
Lorelai: Hmm. Well, that sounds like a real grown-up talking.
Rory: Thank you.
Lorelai: You know the one thing that grown-ups don't call themselves?
Rory: What?
Lorelai: Grown-ups. They say "adults," And they pronounce it "ah-dults."

Luke: Look at this. French toast, pancakes, buttermilk pancakes. You stole my menu.
Kirk: You did not invent pancakes, Luke. Anyway, I heard Luke's went out of business.
Luke: Luke's did not go out of business. Luke's is closed for repairs. And you want to know why it's closed? Because some nincompoop yesterday drove his car through my diner!
Kirk: Would you care to step outside for a moment, Luke?
Luke: Outside? Outside what?
Kirk: I think it would behoove you not to use slanderous language like nincompoop in my place of business, Luke, because, let me tell you, it is only out of the kindness of my heart that I am not suing the pants off of you.
Luke: [laughs] You're gonna sue me after you crash a car into my diner and bust a giant hole in my wall?
Kirk: For all you know, I could have brain damage.
Luke: Oh, I'm pretty sure you do. You know what, Kirk? Go ahead. Sue me. Crash into my diner, make me lose a week's business, make me pay for the repairs, and then sue me for damages - for brain damages! That sounds fair.

Kirk: Luke, calm down. I get where you're coming from. I think we can work something out.
Luke: What is this?
Kirk: A job application. The way business is picking up, I'm totally gonna need a fry guy. [Luke sighs] What, it sounded like your finances were kind of tight. If you came expecting a handout, you came to the wrong guy. I'm of the "teach a man to fish" school, Luke. [Luke balls up the application] You do not throw trash on the floor of a restaurant, Luke. Not cool.