Lorelai: Hey, you know what Gran needs?
Emily: What?
Lorelai: A fella.
Rory: With or without an umbrella.
Emily: He'd have to look like an olive pit to get her attention.
Lorelai: It's like a Dean Martin Roast.
Rory: Those are never funny to me.
Lorelai: Yeah, they're mean.
Rory: Except for Don Rickles.
Lorelai: Totally except for Rickles.

Emily: Well, yes, I've known for weeks actually. But it's good that you confirmed it.
Rory: How did you know?
Emily: Well, you very abruptly stopped mentioning him eleven dinners ago, so I figured that was the case.
Lorelai: Eleven dinners, you kept count?
Emily: Eleven.
Lorelai: Eleven.
Rory: Well, I'm sorry I didn't tell you Grandma.
Emily: I think you should have. I mean, what if I had invited Dean to an event and you were no longer with him, and that's how I found out? It would've been embarrassing.
Lorelai: What sort of event would you have invited Dean to?
Emily: I don't know, a wedding.
Lorelai: For who?
Emily: A mutual friend or something.
Lorelai: You and Dean have mutual friends in common that Rory and I don't? Who would that be, the Talbotts or that senior partner at Delloite and Touche?
Emily: You know what I meant. It's always best to tell each other major life events so that there's no awkwardness.

Emily: Oh, I see. Well, am I going to get to meet him soon?
Rory: Oh, I don't know.
Lorelai: Yeah, Mom, that might be hard to arrange.
Emily: Well, how hard can it be? Just bring him over for dinner sometime. How about next Friday?
Rory: Oh, I don't know.
Lorelai: Yeah, Mom, that might be hard to arrange.
Emily: It's perfect timing. Richard will still be out of town and it would be nice to round off the group with a fourth.
Lorelai: He works Fridays, doesn't he?
Rory: Yeah, that's his usual night. Friday night. It's a bad night.
Emily: Oh, okay. Well, I suppose I'll eventually meet him someday at some function.
Lorelai: Perhaps a wedding.
Emily: Or Rory's graduation. That's good. That way we'll all get to meet him at once. Myself, Richard, Gran. Maybe I'll bring a couple of girls from the DAR. Reverend Mahoney might like to come also.
Rory: You know what, Grandma, now that I think about it, I think Jess does have next Friday night off.

Lorelai: Oh, what's this I have down for Sunday – slatha bang trafficking?
Rory: Lane's band practicing.
Lorelai: And underneath it – net fracks?
Rory: Get snacks.
Lorelai: Right, for the band. See, see, it works.

Lorelai: So, you're actually bringing Jess to dinner on Friday?
Rory: It's as good a time as any. There'll only be one grandparent to contend with.
Lorelai: Man, that was some stealthy little maneuver she pulled there, huh? Applying the guilt over not knowing about the Dean breakup and making you all weak, and then using that to get Jess to come to dinner on Friday. Oh, she's like Lyndon Johnson with the Senate, effortless.

Rory: Hey, it's still early. Do you wanna watch more of the extra supplementary stuff on the Lord of the Rings DVD?
Lorelai: Nah, it's just the drawings and that fat guy talking.
Rory: Well, let's watch Footloose again.
Lorelai: Yeah.

Rory: It's a cool book, you've gotta admit.
Jess: It is. Thanks.
Rory: Oh, I'm not lending it. I'm not done.
Jess: Well, why'd you show it to me?
Rory: I like showing you the stuff I'm reading.
Jess: But you knew I'd wanna read it. You're a book tease.
Rory: You'll get it when I'm done.
Jess: Cruel woman.

Kirk: We’re gonna have to rewrite that.
Miss Patty: What?
Kirk: It got no response. It needs a rewrite.
Miss Patty: Kirk, it's my reminiscence. I can't rewrite it.
Kirk: How about if she says, "Doll, you've got the gams, but I've got a body in the trunk of my car."
Miss Patty: Why would she say that?
Kirk: Because she's a murderer. I think it works.
Miss Patty: I'm not rewriting my memories, Kirk.
Kirk: It died. Build a coffin for it, put some pennies on its eyes 'cause that stiff ain't breathing.

Rory: It was nice of you to step in like that.
Dean: Well, she could've hurt herself trying to throw the podium at him like that.
Rory: I think "work in progress" is the key phrase.
Dean: I like that she tries.
Rory: The woman taught me everything I've already forgotten about dancing, baton twirling and gymnastics.

Rory: We need a signal.
Lorelai: A kissing signal?
Rory: Something to avoid this.
Lorelai: Okay, how 'bout I shoot off a flare when I'm outside necking with a boy?
Rory: You know what I mean.
Lorelai: Or I could bang on the door and yell, "Hey, we're necking out here!"
Rory: I still say we need a signal.
Lorelai: We'll think of something.