Lane: Oh, I will get there. As we speak, I am working on the perfect alibi.
Rory: Oh, what do ya got so far?
Lane: "Mama, may I run something past you?" That's it.
Rory: I like it.
Lane: Yeah, so I was originally gonna start with "Can I run something past you," but I thought the may I added a certain level of respect.
Rory: I agree. However, you now need to add an excuse.
Lane: I've come up with lots of, you know, mid-afternoon and evening alibis, but so far no 1:00 AM alibis.
Rory: You can always tell your Mom that you're sleeping over at my dorm.
Lane: She knows they're co-ed. By the way, she's praying for you.

Paris: Smart move, jumping on my bandwagon with the International Relations Association.
Rory: Like I had a choice.
Paris: What?
Rory: You dragged me here, Paris.
Paris: You'll thank me when you're interviewing for grad school in a few years and find those waifish looks of yours aren't quite as charming.
Rory: Whatever that means.
Paris: It means these kind of clubs look good on your resume.
Rory: You know what also looks good on a resume? Passing your classes.
Paris: No one studies more than you do, you're fine. Now, remember to argue, even if you have nothing to say, or add, be vocal. Very few people in life listen to what anyone else says anyhow. It's all about volume.

Luke: Relax, the church bells will be the loud obnoxious ones.
Lorelai: Ooh, somebody doesn't like bells.
Luke: Not everyone likes bells.
Lorelai: No, actually they do.
Luke: They enjoy the constant interruptions of conversations, the monotonous drone of the same tones, hour after hour?
Lorelai: Yes! Can you believe it? These are the same freaks who also like sunsets and the moon and the stars...

Luke: Look, nothing's changed.
Lorelai: Yeah nothing's changed, except you don't live here!
Luke: So what?
Lorelai: So? I don't even have your phone number.
Luke: I'll give you my phone number.
Lorelai: I don't even know what you live in! An apartment, a trailer, a batcave...
Luke: A townhouse.
Lorelai: A townhouse? Sure, 'cause when I look at you I think "common driveway".

Sookie: What about this one?
Lorelai: Too German.
Sookie: How can a sconce be too German?
Lorelai: It's shaped like an knockwurst.

Lorelai: [on the phone] I'm starving.
Rory: Order a pizza.
Lorelai: No, it's snowing, they won't deliver.
Rory: Then go to Al's.
Lorelai: It's curry night!
Rory: China Charlie's sounds pretty good.
Lorelai: I hate Chinese.
Rory: Since when?
Lorelai: Since tonight!
Rory: You're acting like a four year old.
Lorelai: I don't care, I'm bored.

Luke: I'm gonna have to break the lock.
Lorelai: No wait.
Luke: What are you doing?
Lorelai: All those years of watching Hart to Hart are about to pay off.
Luke: What is that?
Lorelai: It's my gym card.
Luke: You joined a gym?
Lorelai: Yeah.
Luke: When?
Lorelai: After I had Rory, to lose the pregnancy weight.
Luke: Did you go?
Lorelai: God, no. I was way too fat.

Lorelai: So, what's the game plan here? Personally, I thought we could whack the bells really hard with a hammer.
Luke: You don't break bells with a hammer.
Lorelai: Okay, I'm out. What's your plan, Clyde?
Luke: Well, I was thinking we could just jam the turnbuckle, or wedge the main mechanism, just for fun disconnect a few of the clappers. Contrary to popular belief you don't have to break every bell. If you just damage a couple, say the tierce and the prime, you pretty much ruin the set.
Lorelai: You must have been the top of your class at hunchback school.
Luke: Well, let's just say you can wait your whole life waiting for bells to fall into disrepair. Sometimes they need a push.
Lorelai: No way! You broke the bells.
Luke: You're welcome.

Rory: Hey, have you called your mother yet?
Lane: Nope.
Rory: Oh good, because the longer you wait, the easier it's going to be.
Lane: I still can't believe she didn't just show up in the middle of the night, kick down the door, douse the place with holy water.
Rory: Maybe she wanted a chance to cool off.
Lane: No, that's your mother. My mother's the kicker and the douser. No, Mrs. Kim is sending a message.
Rory: What message is that?
Lane: The message is, "You messed up, kid, and now you get to sit there and panic about what's gonna happen next, and while you're panicking thinking about what's gonna happen next, you get to find your own way home, cause the Mrs. Kim shuttle van service is closed for business."
Rory: So, it's a wordy message.

Lane: I'm sorry.
Mrs. Kim: About what?
Lane: I'm sorry about last night. I don't want to keep secrets from you.
Mrs. Kim: You don't?
Lane: My band had this amazing chance to play this really famous club last night and I didn't know how to tell you about it. I knew you wouldn't approve, you wouldn't approve of me being in the band or the music we were playing and I can't even imagine what you would have said if I had asked you to let me stay out 'til four in the morning.
Mrs. Kim: I would have said no.
Lane: Well, then I guess I could have imagined it after all.