Rory: [on the phone] I have to study and you're in your stubborn mood.
Lorelai: Hey! I sat up with you all night when you had the chicken pox. I held your hands so that you couldn't scratch your face and scar your perfect skin. You look that way because of me.
Rory: Night, mom.
Lorelai: But, ah, the chicken pox!

Rory: Kleenex. [sobs] I'm gonna miss Stan.
Lorelai: I know, I'm gonna miss him too.
Rory: He was so cute, with his fedora and his Hush Puppies. Everyday, the fedora and the Hush Puppies.
Lorelai: Yeah, if he just would have added some pants.
Rory: Mom!
Lorelai: I'm sorry, I'm just trying to lighten the mood.
Rory: 'Cause you wouldn't want a downer funeral.
Lorelai: Okay, we're serious now.
Sookie: You remember every Tuesday, Stan came to the Independence Inn for lunch?
Lorelai: I remember.
Sookie: That was a total waste because he couldn't eat dairy, or salt, or meat, so he basically just came in every week for a salad, with no oil, and no mushrooms. He hated mushrooms.
Rory: I hate mushrooms too. [sobs]

Lorelai: Hey, did you ever notice that in Stars Hollow death comes in fives?
Rory: Do not try to lighten the mood!
Lorelai: I'm not, it's true!
Sookie: It is?
Lorelai: Yeah, last year: Chester Thompson, Sarah Merrymen, Fran, and the Dublin twins.
Sookie: That's right.
Lorelai: Yeah, year before: Chuck O'Mishner, Santos Perez Jr, Santos Perez Sr...
Sookie: [gasps] Perry Lewis and Charlie Slater, you're right!
Lorelai: And now, Pinochle Downs, Mr. Angelotopolous.
Sookie: Mrs. Krenz!
Lorelai: And Stan.
Rory: Wait a minute, that's only four.
Lorelai: It is only four.
Sookie: That means the fifth hasn't happened yet.

Sookie: Number five could be in this room right now.
Lorelai: Oh, no.
Sookie: What?
Lorelai: Hank Krutzman!
Sookie: Hank Krutzman? Why would it be Hank Krutzman?
Lorelai: Because he's 110!
Rory: Hank's 110?
Lorelai: No.
Rory: Why would you say that?
Lorelai: Because, that's the age you say when someone is really old.
Rory: I don't.
Lorelai: What age do you say?
Rory: I say the age they are, otherwise I would seem cruel and insensitive.
Lorelai: Fine, the point is he is very, very old.
Rory: That doesn't make him number five.

Lorelai: I don't know.
Sookie: Hank Krutzman. He was such a happy guy.
Lorelai: He had such a good life.
Sookie: He owned those horses.
Lorelai: He loved his golf.
Rory: Stop!
Lorelai: What?
Rory: You guys just eulogized Hank! He's not even dead yet.

Lorelai: Ok, but if we do think it's Hank-
Rory: We don't think it's Hank.
Lorelai: Why not?
Rory: Because if we think it's Hank, and then something happens and it turns out to be Hank, then we caused it.
Lorelai: [gasps] She's right.
Sookie: It's not Hank.
Rory: So now, let's just focus on Stan because he's dead, and we had nothing to do with that.

Lorelai: I love the first snow of the year.
Rory: I know, me too. Although this isn't actually the first snow of the year.
Lorelai: It isn't?
Rory: No.
Lorelai: What happened to the first snow of the year?
Rory: I had a philosophy final.
Lorelai: Oh, right. Yeah.
Rory: And the second snow of the season was on Wednesday.
Lorelai: Yeah, I had my walkthrough of the inn.
Rory: So, actually this is the third snow of the season.
Lorelai: Fourth, the third was on Saturday.

Lane: So, you wanna borrow the new Sparks?
Rory: Please! Oh, now how about this? Tell your Mom that you're taking an astronomy class, and you have to go on a field trip to look at the stars.
Lane: There are no astronomy classes at Adventist College. That would imply the universe is old.
Rory: Not a lot of loopholes in your world, huh?
Lane: It's okay, I'll come up with something. My entire life has been a training session for this very event.
Rory: I have faith in you.
Lane: Thank you.

Rory: I gotta go. Thank you for the book. Bye, Mrs. Kim.
Mrs. Kim: Wait! "Jane - One woman's harrowing journey to God." Good choice!
Rory: Thank you, ma'am.

Kirk: Luke?
Luke: Yeah, Kirk.
Kirk: What time is it?
Luke: I'm not saying, Kirk.
Kirk: Why not?
Luke: Because I just told you 30 seconds ago!
Kirk: More like 45 seconds if you add in all the bickering.
Luke: 3:58.
Kirk: Only two minutes until the bells.
Luke: Unless of course, I'm fast.
Kirk: You're cruel at times, Luke.
Luke: Only when poked with a stick.